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Fred and his blonde wife went fishing in Alaska.

In the middle of nowhere where the place is filled with nothing but white snow.

They finally found a lake and so they cast their lines.

After an hour or two fred’s wife yelled. “honey come quick i got a bite.”

So Fred rush to his wife only to find out her line is lying flat and can’t see any movement.

So he said “your line not moving hon, no one is biting.

I got a bite”, she insist.

“Where ?” ask Fred.

“My foot, i got a frost bite.”

Q. What’s the best road sign in Auburn?

A. Tuscaloosa – 120 miles

Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?
A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!!

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don’t know half the words in the “Star Spangled Banner.”

We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwich.

We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

We’re supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that read, “$5.00 – If I can’t tell you where you’re from, I’ll pay you $50.00″
The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask, “Is the sign right?”
The Indian says, “yes.”
The cowboy hands him a five and says, “”you’re on”
The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, “you’re from Wyoming.”
The cowboy shakes his head and says, “I’ll be darned! You’re right” and strolls away.

A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots.
The Indian says, “you’re from Montana”
The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.

The young man decides he’s going to give the Indian a run for the money. He goes into the mensroom, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off, puts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian. He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, “do
your stuff”
The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now thinking he’s gone one up on the Indian.
The Indian says, “You’re from Arkansas”
The young man gets really upset and can’t for the life of him figure out how the Indian could know that, so he asks, “How in the world did you know I’m from Arkansas?”

The Indian replies, “by the wool on your zipper.”

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