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An Alabama offensive lineman who doesn’t hold, a humble Florida Gator, and Santa Claus all checked into the same hotel. As they entered the elevator, they spotted a $50 bill on the floor. Who ended up with the money and why?

Answer: Santa Claus – the other two aren’t real!

A Tucsonian was visiting New York for his first time. After site-seeing for quite some time, he was on his way home. While checking out of his hotel at the front desk, the clerk asked him, “So, what did you think of New York?”

“Well, the Statue Of Liberty was great, I rode on the subway for the first time, and I saw an exhilirating show on Broadway. But…”

“But what?,” said the clerk.

“Well, I didn’t get a good look at the Hudson River. It was always full of water.

A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they’re still brother and sister.

Alabama: Sisters Make Good Wives or At Least We’re not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!

Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida: Drugs-R-Us or Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put the “Fun” in Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re Not.. But The Potatoes sure are real good

Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We’re Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man’s Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: “10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes”

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Sheep Make Good Wives Too or Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: Ya Wanna ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney…

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: YEE HAWWWWW! or Si Hablo Ing les (Yes, I speak English)

Utah: Olympics and Scandal or Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?

Washington: Help! We’re overrun by nerds and slackards

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family-Really!

Wisconsin: Eat Cheese or Die or Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming: Wynot?

Arkansas man had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, “I have a flat tarr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers! ?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either.”



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