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Avrahom is having his first meeting with Mr Lewis, an eminent psychiatrist. “So, Avrahom,” asks Mr Lewis, “why have you come to see me?”
“Because I am having trouble with the whole of the human race, doctor. They are stupid and they won’t listen to me.”
“Can you give me some examples of how they… .”
“They are calling me a crazy man,” says Avrahom. “It doesn’t matter what I tell them, they call me meshugga. What do you do, doctor, when you meet stupid people who won’t listen to a word of truth?”
“OK, Avrahom, I’m getting to understand your problem. Why don’t you start from the beginning?”
“Oh thank you doctor,” says Avrahom, “thank goodness someone wants to listen to me. In the beginning, I created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And my spirit moved upon the face… … .”

Little Emma is watching her mother preparing their Shabbat dinner – this week it’s Salt Beef. Emma watches her mother slice off both ends of the joint and place it in a saucepan ready for cooking. So Emma asks, “Why did you cut both ends off, Mum?”
Her mother pauses for a few seconds, then replies, “That’s a good question, Emma. It’s what my mother always did when she made Salt Beef and I just do the same. But I’ve no idea why. Let’s phone bubbeh and ask her.”
So they phone bubbeh and ask why she always sliced the ends off the Salt Beef before cooking.
Bubbeh replies, “You know, Im not sure why – that was the way I always saw my mother make Salt Beef.”
Because they are now very curious, they visit Emma’s great grandmother in the nursing home and say to her, “You know when we make Salt Beef, why do we always slice off the ends before cooking it?”
“I dont know why you do it,” says the great grandmother, “but I never had a saucepan that was large enough!”

Jacob is a very religious man. One day, a nearby river floods its banks and rushes into town, forcing Jacob to climb onto his garage roof. Soon, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jacob to get in.
Jacob says, “That’s very kind of you, but no thanks. God will take care of me.”
So, the boat leaves.
The water rises and Jacob has to climb onto the roof of his house. Another man in a boat comes along and tells Jacob to get in.
Jacob replies, “That’s very kind of you but no thanks. God will take care of me.”
The boat leaves.
The water rises further and soon Jacob is clinging to his chimney. Then a helicopter arrives and lowers a ladder. The helicopter pilot tells Jacob to climb up the ladder.
Jacob replies, “That’s very kind of you but no thanks. God will take care of me.”
The pilot says, “Are you really sure?”
Jacob says, “Yes, I’m sure that God will take care of me.”
Finally, the water rises too high and Jacob drowns. He goes up to Heaven and is met by God.
Jacob says to God, “You told me you would take care of me. What happened?”
God replies, “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want me to do?”

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn’t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.

Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, “Hey you, what are you doing?”

“I have to throw this away,” replied the tourist.

“You can’t throw it away here. Look, follow me,” the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. “Here,” said the cop, “dump all the garbage you want.”

The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.

“Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?” asked the tourist.

“No. This is the American Embassy.”

Becky and Myron decided to take their little son from the heat of the city to his first visit to the beach. Dressed in his little sailor suit and hat and pail and shovel in hand, the boy happily played at the water’s edge as his mother and father spread their picnic blanket. Then suddenly, to his parents’ horror, a huge wave crashed down on the boy and then dragged him far out to sea. As neither of his parents could swim, his mother began to wail and cry, “Dear God, be merciful. Return our son to us!”
Suddenly another huge wave cast the boy back up on the sand at his parents’ feet. His mother inspected her son and then quickly looked back towards the heavens and said, “He had a hat!”

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