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Jacob was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He’d toss one in the air, then catch it in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife, Golda, asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell into his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. His wife tried to help, but after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to Doctor Katz’s office. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her new boy friend, Bernie. After being informed of the problem, their Bernie said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought him out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s wonderful – isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”
The father replied, “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!”

“Couch potato latke, in search of the right apple sauce. Let’s try it for eight days. Who knows? PO Box 43.”

“Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please. PO Box 56.”

“Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good. PO Box 123″

Moisha and Esther Rabinowitz move into a highly Orthodox community in Monsey, and want to join a local shul. They seem appropriate for the community, and the Rabbi comes to their house to make certain that everything in the house
meets requirements.
All of the mezuzahs are in place and have been certified. Good.
The kitchen has two stoves, two refrigerators, two dishwashers, two prep areas, two sinks, but has five sets of dishes and five sets of flatware.
The Rabbi says, “Four I can understand, Pesach meat and dairy, Non-Pesach meat and dairy. So, what do you need the fifth set for?”
Esher answers, “For Traif.”

Q: what do u call an italian eating hamburger?

What are the three occasions on which an Italian man visits his priest?
His first communion. When he gets married. Before his electrocution!

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