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Did you hear about the short sighted circumciser?
He got the sac!

Sarah, Rebecca and Sadie work in the same Golders Green accounts office and every day they notice their tough and demanding boss Kitty leaving work early. So they decide that when Kitty next leaves early, they would leave right after her. After all, she never phones them or returns to work later on, so how would she know they left early? That afternoon, Kitty leaves early again and within 5 minutes, so do Sarah, Rebecca and Sadie.
Sarah is thrilled to get home early. She does some gardening, plays with her son and goes to bed early.
Rebecca is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before going out on a dinner date.
Sadie is happy to get home early because she wants to surprise her husband. But when she gets to her bedroom door, she hears muffled noises from inside. She opens the door quietly and is shocked to see her husband in bed with her boss Kitty. Gently, Sadie closes the door and creeps out the house.
Next day, during their coffee break, Sarah and Rebecca agree to leave early again and ask Sadie if she is going to leave with them.
“No way,” says Sadie, “I almost got caught by Kitty yesterday and I don’t want to take another chance.”

Top Ten Hilarious Pranks In The Mafia

10. Tell a guy you’re going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick.
9. Tape sign to informant’s back that reads: “Whack me.”
8. The old “non-drying cement shoes” gag.
7. Put body in big paper bag, place it on somebody’s doorstep, light it on fire, ring doorbell, run away.
6. Phone local teamsters office, say, “This is Jimmy Hoffa–any messages for me?”
5. Call up Domino’s; order a pizza for Mr. Foghead A. Boutit.
4. The old severed finger in the hot dog bun trick.
3. Replace someone’s “Godfather” tape with a Teletubbys video.
2. Instead of horse’s head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to linda trip
1. Three words: squirting pinkie rings.

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York.

She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.

He said, “Ah’l go down raht now.” So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.

The saleslady said, “May I help you sir?”

When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, “Would you like two Playtex?”

He answered, “Ah’d luv ta little lady but mah wife’s a’waitin fur me up in the room.”

A Jewish man buys a brand new Masserati. He loves the car so much that he wants to have it blessed by a rabbi.
He finds an Orthodox rabbi and asks him, “Rabbi, would you say a blessing over my new Masserati?” The rabbi thinks for a moment, looks at him strangely, and replies, “What’s a Masserati?”
So the man finds a Conservative rabbi and asks him the same, “Rabbi, would you say a blessing over my new Masserati?” The rabbi thinks for a moment, looks at him strangely, and replies, “What’s a Masserati?”
Nearly giving up all hope, the man finds a Reform rabbi and begs him, “Rabbi, would you say a blessing over my new Masserati?” The rabbi thinks for a moment, looks at him strangely, and replies, “What’s a blessing?”



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