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Sadie is 80 years old and is under the care of Doctor Myers. One day, she phones Doctor Myers and says, “Is it true, doctor, the medicine you’ve just prescribed for me must be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes Sadie, Im afraid it is,” replies Doctor Myers.
Sadie thought for a while then continued, “Well then, doctor, I’m wondering just how serious is my condition.”
“Why do you ask?” says Doctor Myers.
Sadie replies, “Because on the prescription it says, ‘NO REPEAT PRESCRIPTIONS’.”

God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. “What commandments do you offer?” they said.
He answered, “Thou shalt not murder.”
They answered “Sorry, we are not interested.”
Next he offered it to the Romanians. “What commandments do you offer?” they said.
He answered, “Thou shalt not steal.”
They answered, “Sorry, we are not interested.”
Next he offered them to the French. “What commandments do you offer?” they asked.
“Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife.”
“Sorry we are not interested,” they answered.
Finally he approached the Jews.
“How much?” they asked.
“It’s free,” he answered. “We’ll take ten of them!”

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?” And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO”, said Abraham.
And that is how it all began, It wasn’t Al Gore after all.

Hannah is taking her young daughter Judith shopping. While Hannah is getting them a taxi, Judith notices a group of scantily dressed, overly made-up women on the street corner. As they get in the taxi, Judith asks, “Mummy, what are all those women doing over there?”
Hannah replies, “They’re waiting for their husbands to return from work, darling.”
When the taxi driver hears this, he turns to Hannah and says, “Now come on, lady, don’t lie to your daughter, why don’t you tell her the truth? Educate her, for god’s sake.”
Without asking permission, he then turns to Judith and says, “They’re hookers, that’s who they are.”
Judith then says, “Mummy, do these ladies have any children?”
Hannah replies, “Of course they do, darling, where do you think taxi drivers come from?”

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?
A mute.

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