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“You tell me Arnold that you have a relative staying with you over the holidays. Is this relative of yours a religious man?”
“Well let me tell you, Benny. My relative is so orthodox that when he plays chess with me, he doesn’t use bishops, he uses rabbis.”

Moses is in the desert and he sees a
burning bush.He approaches and he hears
a voice.”My name is Moses,what about you? ”
he sad.”I AM is My name,and I am the Lord
of your forefathers!”;”Nice to meet you,
I am!”;”Tell Me, Moses, don’t you feel
lonely in this desert?””Oh,yeah,very lonely… ”
“Don’t you miss your jewish brothers?
“Oh,yeah,very much… “”Don’t you miss
your teachers?””Oh,yes,i miss them lot”
“Don’t you miss bathing in the Nile?”
“Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss
that cold water… “”Don’t you miss your
mother,Moses?” Moses starts to cry,and
he whispers through his tears:”Very much”
the faraoh wants to kill me” “He will not,
I will be with you every step” “Are you sure?”
“Sure is my middle name””Will you do that for me?” “Of course I will,Moses, as I promised”
“Thank you,Lord!”and Moses start his journey
to Egypt.”Moses, wait!” “Yes, Lord?”
“Can I ask you a favour?””Anything,My Lord!”
“Well, if you go to the pallace,to
see your mother,please pay a visit to
the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?

I noticed a big difference between NY Italians and Chicago Poles when I was young: if you told an Italian joke, the NY Italian would probably laugh and tell you a better one. Tell a Polack joke to the Polish guy, and you risked getting your head punched off your shoulders.

The Israeli police are looking for a man who calls himself Joseph. He’s wanted for looting offences in Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He’s a former flutist and works occasionally on a farm.
In short, he’s “A Haifa-lootin, flutin Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.”

A man dies and his 3 best friends, Shlomo, Patrick and Peter are looking at his body in the coffin.
Patrick says, “He was such a good friend to me that I don’t want him to go to his maker empty handed.” He then throws $200 in $20 notes into the coffin.
Peter says, “I agree, so Ill match that,” and he also throws $200 in notes into the coffin.
Shlomo says, “What cheap-skates you both are. I’m ashamed to know you. Im going to give him $1,000.”
Shlomo then writes out a cheque for $1,400, throws it in and takes the $400 in change out of the coffin.

© 2015