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A shnorrer knocked on the door of a house in Golders Green.
“What do you want?” said the owner.
“Can you spare some money to help a poor person?” said the beggar.
But as soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, “Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week.”
“Well, my son can afford to,” said the owner, “he has a very rich father.”

Moses is in the desert and he sees a
burning bush.He approaches and he hears
a voice.”My name is Moses,what about you? ”
he sad.”I AM is My name,and I am the Lord
of your forefathers!”;”Nice to meet you,
I am!”;”Tell Me, Moses, don’t you feel
lonely in this desert?””Oh,yeah,very lonely… ”
“Don’t you miss your jewish brothers?
“Oh,yeah,very much… “”Don’t you miss
your teachers?””Oh,yes,i miss them lot”
“Don’t you miss bathing in the Nile?”
“Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss
that cold water… “”Don’t you miss your
mother,Moses?” Moses starts to cry,and
he whispers through his tears:”Very much”
the faraoh wants to kill me” “He will not,
I will be with you every step” “Are you sure?”
“Sure is my middle name””Will you do that for me?” “Of course I will,Moses, as I promised”
“Thank you,Lord!”and Moses start his journey
to Egypt.”Moses, wait!” “Yes, Lord?”
“Can I ask you a favour?””Anything,My Lord!”
“Well, if you go to the pallace,to
see your mother,please pay a visit to
the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?

I met a little wop, his name was Guido, his dick was so small he could fuck a mosquito.

Five positive reasons to celebrate Passover

* You will get to drink a lot of alcohol: You’ll have everyone’s total permission to drink four glasses of wine and there could even be 5th glass for you if Elijah doesn’t turn up.
* You can save money: I’m almost certain that you haven’t given thought to eating last year’s unused matzo. But if you do, you can save money by using it. And it won’t even taste any different!
* You can get to sing with a loud and clear voice: Did you know that marror is a far better treatment for blocked sinuses than any medicine you can buy in the chemist. So enjoy the marror and later on you can sing Chad Gadya with a voice like an angel!
* You can earn extra money: The extra cash you can get from selling your chometz will comes in handy after the Spring bank holiday.
* You will save on toilet paper: Just think of all the toilet paper you will be able to save by eating matzo for a whole week!

marror: bitter herb, usually grated horseradish
chad gadya: a Passover song
chometz: bread to be removed from the house prior to Passover

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the woman you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Volpe?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone.? You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads.”

© 2015