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A high school teacher was giving a true/false test. He was strolling up and down the aisles surveying the students at work. He came upon one student who was flipping a coin, then writing.
Teacher: What are you doing?
Student: Getting the answers to the test.
The teacher shook his head and walked on. A little while later, when everyone was finished with the test, the teacher noticed the student was again flipping the coin.
Teacher: Now what are you doing?
Student: I’m checking the answers.

The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English – now dubbed Hebonics – as a second language. Backers of the move say the citys School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture. According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.
Prof. Schollman explains, “In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question – plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus, How are you? may be answered, How should I be, with my feet?”
Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with “sh” or “shm” at the beginning: “Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?”
Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: “Its beautiful, that dress.”
Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as: “Hes slow as a turtle,” could be: “Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline, he walks.”
Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics:

* Question: “What time is it?” English answer: “Sorry, I dont know.” Hebonic answer: “What am I, a clock?”
* Remark: “I hope things turn out okay.” English response: “Thanks.” Hebonic response: “I should *be* so lucky!”
* Remark: “Hurry up! Dinners ready.” English response: “Be right there.” Hebonic response: “Alright already, Im coming. Whats with the hurry business? Is there a fire?”
* Remark: “I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time.” English response: “Glad you like it.” Hebonic response: “So whats the matter; you dont like the other ties I gave you?
* Remark: “Sarah and I are engaged.” English response: “Congratulations!” Hebonic response: “She could stand to lose a few pounds.”
* Question: “Would you like to go riding with us?” English answer: “Just say when!” Hebonic answer: “Riding, shmiding!? Do I look like a cowboy?”
* To guest of honor at his birthday party: English remark: “Happy birthday.” Hebonic remark: “A year smarter you should become.”
* Remark: “A beautiful day.” English response: “Sure is.” Hebonic response: “So the sun is out; what else is new?”
* Answering a phone call from son: English remark: “Its been a long time since you called.” Hebonic remark: “You didnt wonder if Im dead yet?”

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter”
The entire class says” Hello Mrs. Prussy” A few days later the regular teacher is still sick When Johny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher “I Remember it has an “R” after the first letter”.
“That’s right” she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says “Mrs. Crunt?”

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!



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