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‘Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last-minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking

In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his book,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went a blur,
And I just couldn’t study.

“Some pizza might help,”
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I’d nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades earned in school.

When all of a sudden
Our door opened wide
And Patron Saint “Put-It-Off”
Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
But summoning effort
He started to bellow:

“What kind of student
Would make such a fuss
To toss back at teachers
What they toss at us?

On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year’s Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last-Minute Crams!”

His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night:

“Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do our best…
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test.”

Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?
Pupil: One big haystack!

* You consider McDonald’s “real food.”
* You actually like doing laundry at home.
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
* It starts getting late on the weeknights.
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
* You’d rather clean than study.
* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s, a way of life.
* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.
* You live for getting mail (E-mail included).
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
* Prank phone calls become funny again.
* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on.
* World War III could take place and you’d be clueless.
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
* You find out milk crates have so many uses.
* Wal-mart is the coolest store.
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday).
* You are sitting around making lists about how you know you’ve been in college too long.

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I’m not too keen on the time in-between!

At a local college, there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Later that evening, after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to screw her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”

She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

© 2015