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Teacher: Tim, you missed school yesterday, didn’t you?
Tim: Not a bit!

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom….I’ll show you how.”

Teacher: please use the word grusome in a sentence.
Child: my dad stoped shaving and grew some whiskers.

A college student picked up his date at her parent’s home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.

To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetisers, lobster, champagne …the works.
Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”

“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid.”

In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.

Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.



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