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NAME: ____________________ GANG NAME: ___________________

1. Little Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

4. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4×4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4′s, how many more corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?

5. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: how much more time will he get for killing the wife that spent his money?

6. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be free?

7. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the Boa on one week’s income?

8. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his .357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?

The absent-minded professor paused to chat awhile with one of his students, then asked, “Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?”
“That way,” the student pointed.
”Good,” said the professor, ”then I’ve had my lunch.”

He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.

Help! I’ve fallen asleep and I can’t wake up!

His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.

Textbook is confusing … someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it.

This class was a religious experience for me … I had to take it all on faith.

The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him.

Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.

Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing – it’s a great stress reliever.

Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose – spraying in all directions – no way to stop it.

I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets.

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was “$100 = 100% – I get an A.”

A month later, the student approached the professor. “I don’t understand,” he said. “I failed the course. Didn’t you read my final?” The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase “$50 = 50% – You fail!”

The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.

“Are you feeling OK?” he asked.

“Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet,” she admitted. “Is there a name for my condition?”

“Why yes, there is,” he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. “It’s called ‘Good News’.”

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