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Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud’s trailer house, Bud asked, “What is the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted Bud. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying?” asked Bud.

The lad smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”

He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.

Help! I’ve fallen asleep and I can’t wake up!

His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.

Textbook is confusing … someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it.

This class was a religious experience for me … I had to take it all on faith.

The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him.

Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.

Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing – it’s a great stress reliever.

Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose – spraying in all directions – no way to stop it.

I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets.

* You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

* Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.

* College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.

* Your parents charge rent.

* The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

* It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 9:30 p.m.

* Three words: Student Loan Payments.

* You make thousands of dollars a year – and still can’t afford that dream Porsche.

* You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.

* THEN, discussing with your friends: GPA’s, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey; NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

* Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

* Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.

* Your salary is less than your tuition.

* Your potted plants stay alive.

* Having sex in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

* You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

* You have to pay your own credit card bill.

* Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

* You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.

* You have to file for your own taxes.

* You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

* You’re not carded anymore.

* You carry an umbrella.

* You learn that “Bachelor” is nicer term for a jackass.

* “Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary,which is a little less than your allowance used to be.

* “Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

* Your friends marry instead of hook-up; and divorce instead of break-up.

* You start watching the weather channel.

* Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.

* You can no longer do shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

* You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

* You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.

* You go to parties that the police don’t raid.

* Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.

* You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

* Your car insurance goes down.

* You refer to college students as kids.

* You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

* Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

* You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.

* Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

* Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.

* The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.

* The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.

* You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

* You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while in college.

* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

* You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends.’

* METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.

* You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

* Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

* When drinking, you say at least once per night, “I just can’t put it down the same way as I used to.’

* Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

* You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that’s not full of ’21-year-old kids.’

* Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!



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