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A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was “$100 = 100% – I get an A.”

A month later, the student approached the professor. “I don’t understand,” he said. “I failed the course. Didn’t you read my final?” The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase “$50 = 50% – You fail!”

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother.

“I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!

Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

CAFETERIA: From 2 Latin words, “cafe” meaning place to eat and “teria” meaning to wretch.

MAJOR: Area of study that no longer interest you.

STUDENT ATHLETE: See “contradiction in terms.”

GRADE: Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.

SUMMER SCHOOL: A viable alternative to a summer job.

QUARTER: The most coveted form of currency on campus.

HUNGER: Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying.

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