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Why were you late?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too!

FRESHMEN are never in bed past noon.
SENIORS are never out of bed before noon.

FRESHMEN read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut.
SENIORS read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend.

FRESHMEN bring a can of soda into a lecture hall.
SENIORS bring a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mtn. Dew into recitation class.

FRESHMEN call the professor “Professor.”
SENIORS call the professor “Bob.”

FRESHMEN would walk ten miles to get to class.
SENIORS drive to class if it’s further than three blocks away.

FRESHMEN memorize the course material to get a good grade.
SENIORS memorize the professor’s habits to get a good grade.

FRESHMEN know a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
SENIORS know where the next class is. Maybe…

FRESHMEN show up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
SENIORS show up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and box of pop tarts in hand.

FRESHMEN have to ask where the computer labs are.
SENIORS have their ‘own’ personal workstation.

FRESHMEN worry about the last freshman composition essay.
SENIORS worry about the last GRE essay.

FRESHMEN line up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
SENIORS start to think about buying textbooks in October. Maybe…

FRESHMEN look forward to first classes of the year.
SENIORS look forward to first beer party of the year.

FRESHMEN are proud of their A+ on Calculus I midterm.
SENIORS are proud of not-quite-failing their Complex Analysis midterm.

FRESHMEN call their girlfriends back home every other night.
SENIORS call Domino’s every other night.

FRESHMEN are appalled at the class size and callousness of profs.
SENIORS are appalled that the campus ‘Subway’ burned down over the summer.

FRESHMEN go on a grocery shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
SENIORS have a beer with Mom before moving onto campus

FRESHMEN are excited about the world of possibilities that awaits them, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand their horizons and really make a contribution to society.
SENIORS are excited about new dryers in laundry room.

FRESHMEN take meticulous four-color notes in class.
SENIORS occasionally stay awake for all of class.

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was “$100 = 100% – I get an A.”

A month later, the student approached the professor. “I don’t understand,” he said. “I failed the course. Didn’t you read my final?” The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase “$50 = 50% – You fail!”

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother.

“I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, “What did you do at school today?”

The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, “Nothing”.

Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, “Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?”

The perplexed child looked at his father and said, “Daddy, didn’t you go to school when you were a little boy?”

© 2015