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A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter “R,” and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: “Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.”
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates – many of them already laughing at him – then replied, “Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn’t cooked enough.”

A teacher was teaching the colors and their flavors using lollipops. She distributed purple lollipops to her class and asked, “What flavor is purple?”
The class responded, “Grape.”
She continued this with yellow, green, orange and red. The last lollipops distributed were a light yellow-brown (honey flavored). The children were unable to identify the flavor. Teacher suggested, as a clue to its name, “It’s what your mother calls your father when he leaves for work in the morning.”
Little Mary shouted, “Spit it out quick! It’s a butthead!”

The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.” She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, “No. I am surprised. You are astonished.”

1. Sit up. Say, “time to make the donuts.” Leave. Do this often.
2. Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.
3. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.
4. Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, “hello.” Look confused and hang up.
5. Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.
6. When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.
7. Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him or her.
8. Constantly drink from an empty glass.
9. Every time you handle something of your roommate’s, use a tissue or gloves.
10. While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won’t start.
11. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
12. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
13. Try to make meals using your roommate’s electric blanket.
14. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate’s pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.
15. Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, “it’s time to go to bed now.”

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.”

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

“What else do you have?” asks the student.

“Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”

The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment.” He goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, “Well, you know … math always was a little hard to swallow.”

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