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* Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
* Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
* The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
* Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
* The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
* To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
* The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
* A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
* The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
* The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
* To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
* Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
* Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
* Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
* A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
* The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
* The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
* An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
* We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
* English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
* By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
* If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
* Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
* Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
* A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
* A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
* Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
* A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
* The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
* When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
* It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
* Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
* For fainting: rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
* For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
* For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
* For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body
* For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
* To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
* For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
* For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
* For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
* Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
* Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
* When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
* When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Principal: I’ve been watching you to day, Mr. Wartman. It was wonderful how you managed to stay on your toes for the entire first day of school!
Teacher: I had no choice. My students put thumbtacks on my chair!

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Alabama. They were doing well in the class and thought that going into the final they had a solid “A”. They were so confident that the weekend before finals week, they went to the University of Tennessee to party with some friends.

They had a great time. However, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Alabama until early Monday morning, the day of the exam.

Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus.

The professor told them they could make up the final on the following day. They were elated and relieved. At the final, the professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.

The first problem, worth 5 Points, was something simple about Molarity & Solutions. “Cool,” they thought. “This is going to be easy.”

The next problem was worth 95 Points. It asked: “Which tire?”

Q. What’s the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. “There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

“Second,” the professor continued, “you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man’s anus, but licked my index finger?”



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