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A high school teacher was giving a true/false test. He was strolling up and down the aisles surveying the students at work. He came upon one student who was flipping a coin, then writing.
Teacher: What are you doing?
Student: Getting the answers to the test.
The teacher shook his head and walked on. A little while later, when everyone was finished with the test, the teacher noticed the student was again flipping the coin.
Teacher: Now what are you doing?
Student: I’m checking the answers.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he’s a college professor.

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her room-mate.

“Terrible!” the room-mate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner!”

16. Even though you’re all seniors, she insists on having “Show ‘n’ Tell,” just so she can show everyone that tattoo on her ass again.

15. If you’re late you have to sit up front for a special lap dance.

14. Finishes introducing himself by saying, “…and if I’d have known she was a statue, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her!”

13. Every morning the “current events discussion” has the same topic: those panty-waist losers he served with in ‘Nam.

12. Attempting to be cool, she says her college roommate was Lilith Fair.

11. For the 182nd consecutive day: The Zapruder Film

10. New haircut — check. Fresh clean blackboard — check. Puddle under desk — uh, oh.

9. She insists that a 36-year-old teacher actually had a baby with a 13-year-old student.

8. Refusing to admit summers over, sits on lawn chair at the front of the room and screams for the cabana boy to bring another Mai Tai.

7. Eats paste ‘n’ crayon sandwiches that melt all over his shirt.

6. Constantly hounding patent office about his revolutionary in-pants lesson plan filing system.

5. Always cracks himself up by announcing, “Now we’re gonna go into Chapter 13… just like your parents!”

4. She keeps a tip jar on her desk.

3. Continually re-seats the class by outfit color, so if you squint your eyes it looks like Manet’s “Dejeuner sur L’Herbe.”

2. Says that if he had his way, the biology class would be dissecting “mall rats.”

1. Constantly asking class if anyone knows how to get blood stains off a clown suit.

Three men were due to be executed one day – one University of Alabama graduate, one Florida State graduate and one Auburn University graduate.

The Alabama grad was the first to be brought in front of the firing squad. Just when they were about to fire, he shouted, “Tornado!” The guards all turned around, and he escaped by jumping over the wall.

Next in line was the Florida State grad, now confident that he too will be able to escape. So, just when they were about to fire, he shouted, “Flood!” The guards turned around and he too managed to escape.

Now it was the turn of the Auburn grad, wondering what disaster he could use (now that tornado and flood had been used). Finally, just when the guards were about to shoot, he shouted, “Fire!”



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