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Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?
Pupil: One big haystack!

* You consider McDonald’s “real food.”
* You actually like doing laundry at home.
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
* It starts getting late on the weeknights.
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
* You’d rather clean than study.
* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s, a way of life.
* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.
* You live for getting mail (E-mail included).
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
* Prank phone calls become funny again.
* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on.
* World War III could take place and you’d be clueless.
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
* You find out milk crates have so many uses.
* Wal-mart is the coolest store.
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday).
* You are sitting around making lists about how you know you’ve been in college too long.

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I’m not too keen on the time in-between!

At a local college, there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”

She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Later that evening, after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to screw her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”

She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.

“What did you do this summer?” the teacher asked Suzie.

“Me and my family went to the beach a lot,” Suzie answered.

“That sounds like fun,” said the teacher. “How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?”

“Me and my family rode our bikes together.”

“That sounds lovely,” said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.

“What did you do this summer, Mikey?”

“Nothing,” the boy responded timidly.

“Did you do anything with your family?” the teacher asked, trying to draw Mikey out.


“Did you go to the beach?”


“Did you ride bikes?”

“No, never!” the boy burst out. “We can never ride bikes together!”

“Why not?” said the shocked teacher.

“I don’t know,” explained Mikey, “but dad always said, when then mom and sis start ‘cycling together’, it’s time to get the hell out of town.”

© 2015