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The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago.

The professor was explaining an accounting method called “First In Last Out,” which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff.

It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970′s when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930′s at 20 a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.

One of the students put up his hand and said, “Excuse me, sir, but that doesn’t sound very ethical to me.” To which the professor replied, “You’re in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is two doors down the hall, on the left.”

Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?
Pupil: One big haystack!

Q: How many Belmont Abbey students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three – one to hold the candle, one to light the flint, and the other to pray that it works.

Q: How many Chowan students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – if they get lucky and one of them has taken the course at Elizabeth City State.

Q: How many Davidson students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four – one to change a bulb, and three to write up a complaint to the board of directors stating that they could have gone to an Ivy League if they had wanted to.

Q: How many Duke students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change the bulb, and two to crack under the pressure.

Q: How many East Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes six years!!

Q: How many Elon College students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – that’s what maids are for.

Q: How many Gardner-Webb University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two – one to throw the old one in the cow pasture and the other to drive to Shelby to get a new bulb.

Q: How many Meredith students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five – two to write a song, two to make a t-shirt, and one to change it.

Q: How many Methodist students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – downtown Fayetteville looks better in the dark.

Q: How many NC State students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change the bulb, and two to discuss how they did it as well as anyone in Chapel Hill.

Q: How many Queens students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change the bulb, and one to throw the old bulb at UNC-Charlotte students.

Q: How many UNC-Chapel Hill students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One – he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.

Q: How many UNC-Pembroke students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole student body, there’s nothing better to do on weekends.

Q: How many UNC-Wilmington students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four – two to change the bulb, and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Q: How many Western Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – Cullowhee doesn’t have electricity.

Q: How many Wake Forest students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean `all wet?’”

“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”



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