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The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, “You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod…”

That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.

Two Auburn grads had bought a couple of horses that they used to make some money during the summer. But when winter came, they found that it cost too much to board them. So they turned the horses loose in a pasture where there was plenty to eat. “How will we tell yours from mine when we pick them up?” the first Auburn guy asked.

“Easy,” replied the second. “We’ll cut the mane off my horse and the tail off yours.”

By spring, the mane and tail had grown back to normal length. “Now what are we going to do?” asked the first.

The second replied, “Well, why don’t you just take the black one and I’ll take the white one.”

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do… anything.”

He returns her gaze. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you… study?”

Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send:

__ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________
__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________
__ Clean clothes!

Relationships:

__ What?
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
__ Has fleas

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car
__ I can’t use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
__ You are going to have a grandchild
__ False alarm – you are NOT going to have a grandchild

Food:

__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

Health:

__ I have gained _____ pounds
__ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
__ My HIV test was: _____ positive _____ negative (check only one)
__ I died yesterday!

Grades:

__ I am making all A’s
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester

I study:

__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can’t read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ My (girlfriend’s) birth control pills
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
__ Other _____________________________________________

Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

Laundry:

__ My white underwear is now _________________
__ I am saving money by not using detergent
__ Don’t worry, I washed my clothes last semester
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

My room:

__ Can pass your “white glove” test
__ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

Parties:

__ I don’t inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven’t been to one since this morning

Hope you:

__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

Salutation:

__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours,

__________________________________________________
Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark (“X”).

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her room-mate.

“Terrible!” the room-mate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner!”



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