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The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago.

The professor was explaining an accounting method called “First In Last Out,” which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff.

It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970’s when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930’s at 20 a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.

One of the students put up his hand and said, “Excuse me, sir, but that doesn’t sound very ethical to me.” To which the professor replied, “You’re in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is two doors down the hall, on the left.”

When they say good morning back, it’s Freshmen.
When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it’s Sophomores.
When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it’s juniors.
When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it’s seniors.
When they write it down, it’s graduate students.

* You know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.

* Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.

* Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green jello.

* After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.

* Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell…Even if it is for only four days.

* To eat your meals, the only trek you’ll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall in below freezing weather.

* Instead of listening to “When I first started teaching here…” you can be entertained by “When your mother was your age…” and “during the Depression we weren’t lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!”

* You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.

* You know the hair in the shower drain is your own.

* You won’t be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”

* You consider McDonald’s “real food.”

* You actually like doing laundry at home.

* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.

* It starts getting late on the weeknights.

* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.

* You’d rather clean than study.

* Half the time you don’t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.

* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s a way of life.

* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.

* You know the pizza boy by name.

* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.

* You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)

* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

* Prank phone calls become funny again.

* Wal-Mart is the coolest store.

* World War III could take place and you’d be clueless.

* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.

* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.

* You find out milk crates have so many uses.

* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday. (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)

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