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The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.

“Are you feeling OK?” he asked.

“Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet,” she admitted. “Is there a name for my condition?”

“Why yes, there is,” he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. “It’s called ‘Good News’.”

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”

Q: Why did the Auburn student marry the cow?
A: He had to.

The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.

“Are you feeling OK?” he asked.

“Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet,” she admitted. “Is there a name for my condition?”

“Why yes, there is,” he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. “It’s called ‘Good News’.”

THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God

PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to animals

INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays a lot

GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says “Look at the choo-choo”
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

THE DEPARTMENT SECRETARY
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the track
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She IS God



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