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Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
would loosen up their thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn’t study.
“Some pizza might help,”
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I’d nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades had in school.
When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint
Put It Off Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
He started to bellow:
“What kind of student
Would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers
What they tossed at us?”
“On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year’s Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!”

His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night.
“Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test.”

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Auburn University?
A: They cause too much brain damage.

Q: How do you break an Auburn guy’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Memo to all students:

Over the Fall our teaching staff is providing a teaching program adequately entitled “Special High Intensity Training”.

Now the criteria designed for S.H.I.T. will have already been taken by the teaching staff. So they no longer have to do S.H.I.T.

For those who wish to continue to higher levels in this material we will be offering Multiple Opportunity Research Education of Special High Intensity Training. (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.)

For those who feel that they have advanced further that would mean by your performance we have advanced you to Total Opportunity Under-Graduate Hyper Special High Intensity Training. For those of you who feel that you are at a higher level and wish to get out that would be T.O.U.G.H. S.H.I.T.!!!

Our top level of teaching will be Developmental Exceptional Educational Program @ Special High Intensity Training. For those of you wishing to move on that would mean you’re in D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.!!!!

Boss In General of Special High Intensity Training.
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Two computer science students met on campus one day. The first student called out to the other, “Hey, nice bike! Where did you get it?”
“Well,” replied the other, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young co-ed rode up on this bike. She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said, “You can have ANYTHING you want!”
“Good choice,” said the first. “Her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

© 2015