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Three guys, a Tarheel, a Blue Devil and an NC State Wolfpack are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give you each one wish; that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.

The Wolfpack says, “I am studying to be a farmer; my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land in the Piedmont to forever be fertile.”

With a blink of the Genie’s eye, –POOF– the land in the Piedmont was made forever fertile.

The Tarheel was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Chapel Hill, so that no one can come into our precious city.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, –POOF– there was a huge wall around Chapel Hill.

The Blue Devil says, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”

The Blue Devil says, “Fill it up with water.”

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?”
Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary.
“I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of love are.”
“Very interesting.” replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.
“I think your feet go up first.”
Confused but relieved the teacher said, “Why is that?”
Johnny replied, “Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying “Oh God!”

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as “KKK.”

7. Mutter repeatedly, “Not again … not again … not again.”

6. When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!”

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

A professor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking girl knocked on his door.

“Yes?” he replied, “How may I help you?”

The girl said “I need to talk to you about my grade in your class.”

“Come in and have a seat,” said the instructor.

“Is there anything I can do to get an “A” in your class?”

“What do you mean by *anything*,” he replied.

She said “Anything!”

“Anything??”

She said, in her best sultry voice, “I mean ANYTHING.”

The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, “Would you study?”

I have three college degrees:

B.S. – Bull Shit

M.S. – More of the Same

Ph.D. – Piled Higher and Deeper



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