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Teacher: Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

Q: How can you tell when there’s been an Auburn student in your backyard?
A: The garbage is gone and your dog’s pregnant.

Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams:

DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?

LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.

DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.

MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).

Demote: What de king put around de castle.

Despise: De persons who work for de CIA.

Detention: What causes de stress.

Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.

Dilate: When a person lives longer.

Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle.

Dreadlocks: The fear of opening the dead-bolt.

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, “You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod…”

That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.



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