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Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word EAR.
Little Johnny stood up and proudly said EAR E,A,R. Then to use it in a sentence he pretended to take a big hit off a joint and then while pretending to have his lungs full of smoke he predended to pass the joint to little Suzy and said “Ear”

* you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically.
* you enjoy pain.
* you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
* you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”
* you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
* when you look in a mirror, you see a engineering major.
* it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
* you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”
* you always do homework on Friday nights.
* you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
* you think in “math.”
* you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
* you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
* you have a pet named after a scientist.
* you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
* the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger’s Cat experiment.
* you can translate English into Binary.
* you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says “Exit.”
* you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
* you are completely addicted to caffeine.
* you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
* you consider ANY non-science course “easy.”
* when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
* the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
* you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.
* you understood more than five of these indicators.
* you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”
The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going.
The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen.In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is,” then she walked over to the next child.
The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, “My name is David.”

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

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