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Q: Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?
A: So people can read her lips.

Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

A. Neil walked the moon, Michael Jackson… fucked little boys.

Kate Hudson along with two other blonde friends were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks.

The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks!”

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!”

Kate said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?

A: One’s a tree-hugging stiff… and the other’s a tree-hugging stiff.

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, “I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.” The Pope says, “No way. You can’t do that.”
The Queen says, “Watch this.”
So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic.

So the Pope is standing there thinking, “Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she’d be able to do it.”
So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,
“I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.”
The Queen goes, “No way, it can’t be done.”
So the Pope headbutts her.



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