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Q – What did Princess Diana say to Dodi Faijed when he presented her with a multi-thousand dollar ring in the Mercades?

A – “Dodi,… I think that we’re moving too fast,…”

Lindsay Lohan is travelling from Kansas City to Toronto for the shooting of her new Movie A Woman of No Importance.

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry… we still have one engine left.”

Lindsay Lohan turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?
A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that “no means no”?

Terry Hatcher decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend Eva Longoria from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. “Eva,” she said, “how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom’” “Ten,” said Eva. So Terry Hatcher bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. “Eva,” she said. “I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 leftover!” “Yes,” said Eva. “So did I.”

Q: What`s the difference between David Beckham and a new Airfix model?

A: One`s a glueless kit…

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