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Sarah Jessica Parker rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: ‘Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!’
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: ‘Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….’

Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.
The producers really wanted the box office ‘oomph’ of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
“Well,” started Stallone, “I’ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.”
“Chopin has always been my favorite,” said Van Damme, I’ll play him.”
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
“Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?”
“I’ll be Bach.”

Jennifer Aniston after her breakup with Brad Pitt moved into a new home in Beverly Hills, California . Her neighbour next door was none other than Mr. Ben Affleck. Slowly they were developing a good friendship.

One fine day Ben Affleck was in his front yard mowing grass when Jennifer Aniston came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the Ben was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, Ben Affleck asked, “Is something wrong Jennifer’” “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying “You’ve Got Mail.”

Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns.

One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,”It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn’t find them.”

Paris said, “I’ve found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!”

Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

“You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.” The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. “Good morning, sister,” said the pharmacist.

“What can I do for you today’”

“I’d like some condoms, please,” said Lindsay Lohan. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,

“How many boxes would you like’ There are twelve to a box.”

“I’ll take six boxes – that should last about a week,” she replied.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions,

but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, “Sister, what size condoms would you like – we have large, extra large, and big liar size.”

Lindsay Lohan thought for a minute, and finally said, “I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel.”

Q: Why did Madonna get pulled over by the police’

A: Her headlights weren’t working, so she was flashing people.



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