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Q: What’s the difference between Sonny and Cher?

A: Plastic stands up to impact!

Q: Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
A: The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

Did ya hear Roseanne was arrested for dealing drugs?

They lifted her dress and found 50 pounds of crack.

Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.
The producers really wanted the box office ‘oomph’ of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
“Well,” started Stallone, “I’ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.”
“Chopin has always been my favorite,” said Van Damme, I’ll play him.”
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
“Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?”
“I’ll be Bach.”

Paris Hilton comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit'” “Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde'” she asks.
“Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next day, Paris Hilton comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but
listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit'”
“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde, mummy'” she asks.
“Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy'”
“No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”



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