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A Chinese man went into a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the bar was Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg. After a round of beer the Chinese sensed that the famous director was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious punch from the director. Picking himself up, he yelled, “What the hell was that for?”
The director ranted, “That’s for the bombing of Pearl Harbor; my dad perished in that bombing!”
“I am not Japanese, you idiot! I am Chinese!”
“Yeah, yeah,yeah… Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, you are all the same”, retorted Spielberg.
Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a mighty punch to the director, sending him flat to the floor.
“What was that for?” exclaimed the director.
“That’s for sinking the Titanic! I had ancestors on that ship!” the Chinese replied.
“You ignorant man! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!” shouted the director.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you are all the same!”

Q: What three golfers would you not want to be behind on a golf course?
A: O. J. Simpson because he’s a slicer, Monica because she’s a hooker, and Bill Clinton because he never knows what hole he’s on.

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver’s window, he was astounded to find Renee Zellweger behind the wheel and she was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, “Pull over!” at the top of his lungs. “No!” the Renee Zellweger yelled back, “Scarf!”

Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger are in an airplane. There are lots of kids on the plane with them.
Suddenly an engine catches fire. The plane is going to crash. Realising this, Arnie and Michael grab the only two parachutes on the plane.

“What about the kids’” asks Michael

“F**k the kids” Arnie replies

Michael thinks for a moment and says

“Do you think we have time’”

Resolving to surprise her husband, Katie Holmes stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, Tom Cruise dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

© 2015