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Q: Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
A: The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

Paris Hilton was getting sick of the ” Dumb Blonde image ” which the media had created on her.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so dyed her hair black. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a remote country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. “That’s a nice flock of sheep.”, she said.

“Well thank you.”, said the herder.

“Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.”, said Paris.

“Okay.”, replied the herder.

“If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home’”, asked Paris.

“Sure.”, said the sheep herder. So, Paris sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, “382″.

“Wow.”, said the herder. “That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.”

So Paris Hilton went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached Paris and offered, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”.

“What is it’”, queried Paris.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair… can I have my dog back’”

Q: What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
A: Ince pies!

Q: What does Cameron Diaz do for foreplay ‘

A: Remove her underwear.

Brad Pitt is at home watching a football game when Angelina Jolie interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway’ It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light’ Now’ Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” “Well then, could you fix the fridge door’ It won’t close properly.”

To which he replies, “Fix the fridge door’ Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” “Fine,” she says, “Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door’ They’re a mess and a real hazard.”

“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have a Black and Decker logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” He continued, “In fact, I’ve had enough of all your Bickering. I’m going to the bar!”

So, Brad Pitt goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. Sometime later, he starts to feel guilty about his treatment of Angelina, so he decides to return home and help out with the chores.

As he walks into the house, he notices the steps have been repaired. Then, as he enters the house, he notices the hall light is working again. And, to top
it off, when he goes to get a beer from the fridge, he notices the fridge door has been fixed.

“Honey, how’d this all get fixed’”

Angelina Jolie replies, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either have sex with him or bake him a cake.”

“So, what kind of cake did you bake him’” asks the husband.

“Hellooooooo!” she replies emphatically, “Do you see a Betty Crocker logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so!”

© 2015