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Q: What is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s favorite web site?

A: Alta Vista baby.

Q. Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes?

A. Neither did she.

Q: What’s blue and sings alone?

A: Dan Ackroyd.

A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.

The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.

She looks at the left thigh and says, “Wow! That’s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes.” Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, “That doesn’t look like Robert Redford.”

The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.

They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos. She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, “Well, ma’am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I’m not sure about—but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson.”

Pamela Anderson was driving her kids to Disney Land in her new Jaguar XK (convertible). When they were about half way there, the Pamela Anderson saw a sign that said “Disney Land Left,” so Pamela turned back around and went home.

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