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Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A. So she can moan with the other.

Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain’s mind?
A: His teeth.

A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.

He says to his pal, “Hey! That’s Jurassic Park Director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he’ll come over to say hi”.

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.

“Hey!! What’s that for?!”

“You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!”

“I’m not Japanese! I’m Chinese!”
“Chinese,Vietnamese, Japanese, you’re all the same!”
Spielberg walks back.

The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.

“What… !?!”
“No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!”
“Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same!”

The three Charlie’s Angels Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, & Lucy Liu were sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results. Lucy Liu said, “If I’m pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the bottom.” Cameron Diaz replied,”If I’m pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top.” Drew Barrymore stopped, thought a minute and and said, “Then I’m gonna have puppies !”

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing right now if she were alive today?

A: Scratching on the lid of her casket.

© 2015