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Did you hear that Princess Diana was on the radio,…. and the dashboard,… and the steering wheel,….

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: “I`ve seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!”
Hugh replies: “Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she`s charging a small fortune.”
Bill (with a chuckle): “Hugh, money`s no object to me. What`s her number.”
So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date. They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling “God…now I know why you chose the name Divine.”
To which she replies: “Thank you, Bill…and now I know how you chose the name … Microsoft.”

Snoop Dogg had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to conscious, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what’ You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got arrested, you were there to support me. When my movies flopped, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ….

I think you bring me bad luck!”

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

A. Got two fives for a ten?

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
Woods turns to Wonder and says:
“How is the singing career going?”
Stevie Wonder replies: “Not too bad! How’s the golf?”

Woods replies: “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”
Stevie Wonder says: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.

Tiger Woods says: “You play golf?”
Stevie Wonder says: “Oh, yes, I’ve been playing for years.”

And Woods says: “But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind?”
Wonder replies: “I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”

“But, how do you putt?” asks Woods.
“Well,” says Stevie, “I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”

Woods asks: “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”
Wonder replies: “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole.”

Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that, when would you like to play?”
Stevie says, “Pick a night!”



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