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Brad Pitt is at home watching a football game when Angelina Jolie interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway’ It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light’ Now’ Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” “Well then, could you fix the fridge door’ It won’t close properly.”

To which he replies, “Fix the fridge door’ Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” “Fine,” she says, “Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door’ They’re a mess and a real hazard.”

“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have a Black and Decker logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so.” He continued, “In fact, I’ve had enough of all your Bickering. I’m going to the bar!”

So, Brad Pitt goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. Sometime later, he starts to feel guilty about his treatment of Angelina, so he decides to return home and help out with the chores.

As he walks into the house, he notices the steps have been repaired. Then, as he enters the house, he notices the hall light is working again. And, to top
it off, when he goes to get a beer from the fridge, he notices the fridge door has been fixed.

“Honey, how’d this all get fixed’”

Angelina Jolie replies, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either have sex with him or bake him a cake.”

“So, what kind of cake did you bake him’” asks the husband.

“Hellooooooo!” she replies emphatically, “Do you see a Betty Crocker logo printed on my forehead’ I don’t think so!”

Paris Hilton talked about 15 of her all time favorite movies in the Late Show With David Letterman.

15. Alabama Jones and the Last Beer Run

14. S*O*U*R*M*A*S*H

13. Thelma-Louise

12. Back to the Future IV: I’m My Own Daddy!

11. 9 1/2 Teeth

10. Three to Tango, But Two Have To Hold the Cow Steady So You Don’t Get Knocked Off The Foot Stool

9. And the Band Played Freebird

8. Three Brides for Seven Brothers

7. Dog, Ma

6. Honey, I Blew My Cousin!

5. Three Men and Ned Beatty

4. Austin Texas: The Uncle Who Shagged Me

3. Being John Deere

2. How Stella Got Her Tooth Back

and Paris Hilton’s Number 1 Favorite Movie…

1. The Green Smile

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing right now if she were alive today?

A: Scratching on the lid of her casket.

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, “I`d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Beckham “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I`ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you`re going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?”
“Why do I need help to donate sperm?” asks Beckham. The receptionist replies “Well, it says on your record that you`re a useless wanker…”

Q: What three golfers would you not want to be behind on a golf course?
A: O. J. Simpson because he’s a slicer, Monica because she’s a hooker, and Bill Clinton because he never knows what hole he’s on.

© 2015