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Q. What’s white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?

A. George Michael’s latest release.

Paris Hilton was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing'”

Paris Hilton turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”

Q – What did Princess Diana say to Dodi Faijed when he presented her with a multi-thousand dollar ring in the Mercades?

A – “Dodi,… I think that we’re moving too fast,…”

Lindsay Lohan is travelling from Kansas City to Toronto for the shooting of her new Movie A Woman of No Importance.

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry… we still have one engine left.”

Lindsay Lohan turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?
A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that “no means no”?



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