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Paris Hilton has put on a lot of weight recently, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks.

The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When Paris Hilton returned, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions'”

Paris Hilton nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean'” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied Paris Hilton

Tom Cruise: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger’
Katie Holmes: Because I married the wrong man

Q: What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership?

A: Cold Trafford!

1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable

2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ‘Captain EO’

3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son

4. Could really walk on moons

5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith

6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of ‘Beat It’

7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had

8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic

9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet

10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly

Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?
A: Don King.

© 2015