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Sometimes, when planning an elegant dinner party, you plan everything down to the smallest detail – only to leave out one, embarrassing detail. A true anecdote about Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman

The story is told of when Jane Wyman was married to Ronald Reagan, and was planning an elegant dinner party. She was going to be entertaining some Very Important People, and she wanted every last detail to be just right. To ensure that, she left a note pinned to the guest towels for her husband. The note read, “If you use these, I will murder you.”

The party went well, and afterwards she went into the bedroom – to her shock and dismay, she had neglected to remove the note before the guest arrived. However, the towels were still immaculate :)

Q: What have Posh Spice and Man Utd got in common?

A: They both play with Beckham.

It was June 2006 and it was George Bush’s birthday. He went down to breakfast knowing Laura Bush would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for him.

She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.” He thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember.” The children came down to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

Then he started to the office and was feeling pretty low and despondent. As he walked into his office, his personal secretary, Janet said, “Good Morning, Mr. President, Happy Birthday.” And he felt a little better; someone had remembered. He worked until noon.

Then, Janet knocked on his door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.”

He said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.” He went to lunch. They didn’t go where they normally go; they went out into the country to a little private place. They had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we'” He said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Mr. President, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”

“Sure,” he excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by his wife, children, and dozens of his friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday… …and there on the couch he sat… naked !

Paris Hilton was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing'”

Paris Hilton turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”

As she lay back her muscles tightened. She put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refused to be swayed as he approached her. He asked if she was afraid and she shook her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his fingers have found the right place.

He probed deeply and she shivered; her body tensed; but he was gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looked deeply within her eyes and told her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxed her and she opened wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. She began to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly took his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible. As he pressed closer, going deeper, she felt the tissue give way; pain surging throughout her body and she felt the slight trickle of blood as he continued. He looked at her concerned and asked if it’s too painful. Her eyes were filled with tears but she shook her head and nodded for him to go on. He began going in and out with skill but she was too numb to feel him within her.

After a few moments, she felt something bursting within her and he pulled it out of her, she lay panting, glad to have it over. He looked at her and smiling warmly, told her, with a chuckle; that she had been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

She smiled and thanked the dentist. After all, it was Jessica Alba’s first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin’

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