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Q. What’s the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?

A. Michael’s been able to have kids.

Q: What’s the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
A: Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

Lindsay Lohan walks into a library and says, “Can I have a burger and fries’” The librarian says, “I’m sorry, this is a library.” So Lindsay Lohan whispers, “Can I have a burger and fries’”

Paris Hilton was getting sick of the ” Dumb Blonde image ” which the media had created on her.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so dyed her hair black. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a remote country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. “That’s a nice flock of sheep.”, she said.

“Well thank you.”, said the herder.

“Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.”, said Paris.

“Okay.”, replied the herder.

“If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home’”, asked Paris.

“Sure.”, said the sheep herder. So, Paris sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, “382″.

“Wow.”, said the herder. “That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.”

So Paris Hilton went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached Paris and offered, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”.

“What is it’”, queried Paris.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair… can I have my dog back’”

A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.

The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.

She looks at the left thigh and says, “Wow! That’s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes.” Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, “That doesn’t look like Robert Redford.”

The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.

They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos. She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, “Well, ma’am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I’m not sure about-but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson.”



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