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Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.
The producers really wanted the box office ‘oomph’ of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
“Well,” started Stallone, “I’ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.”
“Chopin has always been my favorite,” said Van Damme, I’ll play him.”
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
“Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?”
“I’ll be Bach.”

A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.

The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.

She looks at the left thigh and says, “Wow! That’s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes.” Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, “That doesn’t look like Robert Redford.”

The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.

They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos. She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, “Well, ma’am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I’m not sure about—but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson.”

Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain’s mind?
A: His teeth.

Paris Hilton was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it'”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off'”

It all starts off one day when Hillary Clinton dies and she goes to heaven.

When she finally gets up there she see’s over a million clocks around heaven, so she asks one of the angels “why are there so many clocks up here?”

The angel says ” each clock has a name on it and the name of that person is still in earth, when that person lies the clock ticks one second.”

So Hillary said “OK.”

Then she asked if she could check out some famouse peoples clocks, the angel said “ok.”

So they went around heaven and they saw different peoples clocks, and of course once and a while they would go and turn one full second.

So about 10 minutes later she asks “may I see my husbands clock?”

The angel says “sorry its upstairs with Jesus.”

Hillary says “why?”

The angel replies “he was getting pretty hot so he took it with him to use it as a fan.”

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