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Read all jokes from:Sport (+1016)
Two pigeons were talking as they stood on the boundary watching the game. ‘Now here’s what we do,’ ‘We wait till the bowler runs up and bowls, and then, as the batsman hits it, we suddenly fly up over the stand. It gets the crowd every time!’
Read all jokes from:Golf (+379)
A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.” The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.” “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods.” “Tiger Woods, the golfer?” “Yeah.” “Well, he’s rich famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.” The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. “What are you doing?” says the wife. The husband replies, “I’m hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food.” “Tiger wouldn’t do that.” “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?” “He would come back to bed and do it a second time.” The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “What are you dong?” she says. The husband replies, “I’m still hungry so I was going to order room service to get some food.” “Tiger wouldn’t do that.” “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?” “He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.” The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?” “NO! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole!”
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1016)
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is this seat taken?” The man replied, “This was my wife’s seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan.” The other man replied,”I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn’t give the ticket to a friend or a relative?” The man replied, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1016)
Ski season is here. The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare: - Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. - Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. - If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. - Throw away a hundred dollar bill – now. - Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. - Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. - Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. - Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. - Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. - Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. - Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – as long as it’s in a snowstorm and you’re following an 18 wheeler. - Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. - Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. - Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t go see a doctor. - Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it’s time for the real thing.
Read all jokes from:Golf (+379)
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”
Read all jokes from:Business (+59), Elephant (+69), Hunting (+66)
Senior Manager Style Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices. QA Style Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the Jeep. Sales Style Salespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as “desktop elephants.”
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1016)
Ski season is here. The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare: - Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. - Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. - If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. - Throw away a hundred dollar bill – now. - Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. - Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. - Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. - Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. - Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. - Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. - Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – as long as it’s in a snowstorm and you’re following an 18 wheeler. - Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. - Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. - Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t go see a doctor. - Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it’s time for the real thing.
Read all jokes from:Golf (+379)
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?” The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, “No, you CANNOT play through.” He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, “I can’t believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!” The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole. Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
Read all jokes from:Golf (+379)
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “I got stung between the first and second hole,” replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, “You must have an awfully wide stance!”
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1016)
At mid-point during a game, the coach calls one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside to talk with him. The coach asks, “Do you understand what cooperation is, and what a team is?” The little boy replies, “Yes.” “Do you also understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?” The little boy nods his head. “So,” the coach continues, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nods his head yes. “And when I call you off the ice so that another teammate gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a jackass, now is it?” The little boy answered, “No, sir.” “Good,” said the coach, “Now please go over and explain all of that to your mother.”
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