Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.”
The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
“What happened?” asked one of the members. “Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing
up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.”
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?” So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?” So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
“OK, what about the earsth?” Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
“OK, finally, I’d like to see her twat.” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s twat, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, “Perhapth I should rephrase. I’d like to see her run!”
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Read all jokes from: Football (+144)
A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends.” says the Bears fan. “I agree,” replies the Colts fan.
The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
“Look,” he says to the Colts fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”
He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Colts fan. “No,” replies the Bears fan, “I think I’ll wait ’til the police get here.”
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Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
She: “Let me get this straight.The less I hit the ball, the better I am doing.”
He: “That’s right.”
She: “Then why hit it at all?”
The toughest part about this game is getting off the tee and into the hole.
As the man said,”I know I can play better than this; I just never have”.
In golf, you drive for show and putt for dough.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.
If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out.
Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.
Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.
In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.
Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.
Real golfers have two handicaps: one for bragging and one for betting.
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks the little bear whom he wants to live with. Well, I don’t want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too. The Judge asks little bear if he has any relatives whom he likes. Little Bear says no. . . I want to live with the Chicago Bears, the don’t beat anybody.
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Read all jokes from: Blonde (+4662), Golf (+379)
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, “OK, so who was playing the yellow ball?”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: “Dressing Room, Umpires Only.”
As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message … written in Braille.
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Read all jokes from: Hunting (+66)
Two men were hunting in the forest and accidentally got lost. They waited for a plane to look for them to take them to safety. When the plane arrived, one of the hunters said, “Shoot three times in the air. That is the distress call.” So they did, and the plane flew by and didn’t stop.
The next day as the plane flew out, they shot three times in the air again, but the plane flew on and didn’t stop. On the third day as the plane flew by, one hunter said, “O.K. shoot three times.”
The other hunter replied, “O.K. but we’re almost out of arrows!”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
The two rival cricketers were talking.
‘The local team wants me to play for them very badly.’
‘Well, you’re just the man for the job.’
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Read all jokes from: Hunting (+66)
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, “What are you up to?”
Alice smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!”
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.
Later they arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.”
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant… much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: “Get away from my deer!”
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: “Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
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