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Racing (+15)
Dale Earnhart, Mark Martin and Gordon are all on a fishing trip. After a few hours and no bites, Dale jumps into the shallow water unzips and waves his jiggly worm around. Pow! A huge bass hits it and he walks to the bank, pokes it in the eye to make it release from his manhood, and holds up a 55 pound Bass.
Mark takes a look and jumps in the water and waves his peter around in the water. Bam, another Bass! He walks to the shore and pokes the fish in the eye and picks up a 70 pound Bass.
A little while passes and Dale looks at Jeff and says, “Aren’t you going to give it a try?”
Jeff replies, “No, I don’t want to get poked in the eye!”
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Racing (+15)
13) “None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.”
12) “Tampax! Get ‘cha Tampax here!”
11) “Hey, shut up! I can’t hear the race.”
10) “Sex with your sister!? Man, that’s sick.”
9) “My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!”
8) “Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We’re trying to watch a race here!”
7) “Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach
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Racing (+15)
A NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwicki’s race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display.
Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allison’s car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it. “Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, God’s a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display.”
Walking further, the individual came upon Dale Earnhardt’s car – a seasoned veteran of the sport. At this sight, the new heaven dweller panicked! “Oh, No! St. Peter – Dale Earnhardt is about to win the Championship this year, and you mean to tell me he has just died?!?
“No, no,” St. Peter chuckled, “That’s God’s car. He lets Dale use it on weekends.”
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