Joke's Database
Have fun of 99995 entries!

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?
A: It’s a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

The team doctor said because of Michael Irvin’s fractured wrist, it’ll be 6 – 8 weeks before he can video tape a team mate having sex.

The Chicago Bears are trying to trade for Michael Irvin. They got rid of the “Refrigerator” and now they want a “Coke Machine”.

It was reported today that the artificial turf in Texas Stadium is being replaced because the Cowboys play much better on “grass”.

The Dallas Cowboys have adopted a new “Honor System”. “Yes, your Honor”, “No, your Honor”.

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year. 12 arrests and 5 convictions.

In a move to strengthen their defense, the Dallas Cowboys today hired a new defensive coordinator, Johnny Cochran.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the football team. The coach asked him if he could tackle and he said, “Hell yah, get a load of this!”

And with that knocked over a telephone pole as if it were made of balsa wood.

The coach was dumbfounded and asked if the boy could run, to which the boy replied, “Hell yah!” and he sprinted from endzone to endzone like lightning.

The coach stood there with his mouth agape to see such a huge boy run so fast. He finally composed himself and said, “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman stopped to think for a few seconds, then said, “Hell yah, if I can swallow it, I can surely pass it!”

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What in the world was that?”

He replies, “Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing.”

She thinks to herself, “I’m gonna fix him.” Then she lets one loose.

He yells at her, “What was that?”

She replies “Touchdown, tie score.”

Now he thinks, “I’m gonna fix her.” He’s laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”

He replied, “Half time, switch sides.”

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

“I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!”

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

“I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!”

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”

Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.
One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”
The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”
“What do you call it?”
“We call it a football wedding.”
The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”
The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

“How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.”

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!”

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here, asshole?”

Bloke comes home from the bar drunk at 4am in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he tries to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and lets rip a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What in the world was that?”

He replies, “Touchdown, I’m up 7 nothing.”

She thinks to herself, “I’m gonna fix him.” Then she lets one loose.

He yells at her, “What was that?”

She replies “Touchdown, tie score.”

Now he thinks, “I’m gonna fix her.” He’s laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”

He replied, “Half time, switch sides.”

A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends.” says the Bears fan. “I agree,” replies the Colts fan.

The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

“Look,” he says to the Colts fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”

He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.

“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Colts fan. “No,” replies the Bears fan, “I think I’ll wait ’til the police get here.”

* The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

* He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

* He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow!

* It’s a game of inches.

* That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

* When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it.

* He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.

* He found his tight end.

* End around!

* He had to stretch to get it in!

* He gets penetration into the backfield!

* He blows them off (at the line)!

* He bangs it in!

* He could go all the way!

* He gets it off just in time!

* He goes deep!

* He found a hole and slid through it!

* He pounds it in!

* He beats them off (the line)

* He’s got great hands!

© 2013 ifundb.com
Log in |