Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”
“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”
“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled – E-I-E-I-O.”.
There was a Brown’s fan, a Steelers fan, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.
The Steelers fan went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.
The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.
The Browns fan went next. They asked him if he had any last words.
“I think if you plug the chair in, it’ll work better.”
Did you hear about Michael Vick’s new shoe endorsement deal?
He now endorses “Hush Puppies”!
1. Take the batteries out of all of the remote controls.
2. As his pals arrive to watch the big game, disappear into your room and make yourself as frumpy-looking as possible, then return to the living room and complain loudly about all the housework you do, going into great detail, taking turns sitting next to each one of them.
3. Show a sudden interest in every aspect of the game, especially have him define the offside law for you, many times.
4. Plug in a boom box in the room and do your Dancerobics routine.
5. Decide it’s time to dust the house starting with a particularly good dusting of the television set right at kick-off.
6. Hold a womens’ rights rally.
7. Invite your mother over for the game.
8. Hide near the cable connection, unscrew it from the wall everytime you hear a tense moment.
9. Get a Martha Stewart Living magazine, sit in the room, and read the articles outloud.
10. Hide the beer and pretzels.
11. Come into the room every two minutes to complain about the television volume being too loud.
12. Invite all your friends over for a Pampered Chef party.
13. Root for the team your man has bet against.
14. Don some sweats and a ball cap, sit in the room with your man and his pals to watch the game… suck down the beer, scratch, burp, scream loudly everytime anything at all happens in the game.
15. It’s your night out with the girls… leave the kids home with him!
Coin Toss = Asking them out
Kickoff = Holding hands
1st Down = Kissing
2nd Down = Up the shirt
3rd Down = Down south
4th Down = Oral action
Touchdown = Shaggin’
Victory Dance = Smoking afterwards
Time Out = The guy needs more time/can’t get it up
Incompletion = Guy can’t get off
Interception = Someone walks in on the two of you
Offsides = Gay person/Gay action
Flag on the play = Unwanted Advances
Delay of game = Girl has her period
Hail Mary = Not sure the other one wants it, but you go for it anyway
Hike = Up the rear
Reverse = 69
Sack = Girl takes control and gets frisky
2pt. conversion = Multiple orgasms
Prevent Defense = Condom/protection
Face Mask = Guy pulls girl head down to blow him
Shotgun = Touchdown in a car
Two minute warning = Guy gives the girl a warning before he blows his load
Holding = Cuddling
Superbowl = Wedding or Prom night
Huddle = Multiple participants
Madden ’99 = Cybersex
Instant replay = When you tape the two of you having sex
Illegal use of the hands = Masturbation
Ball Hog = Slut
Onside Kick = Making up after a fight
Double Header = Two mates in the same night
Tight End = Virgin
Wide Receiver = Girl that’s loose
False Start = Guy/Girl gets shut down (denied)
Pass Interference = Some stupid kid interrupts before you can get some
Fumble = Cheating (problem in the relationship)
Putting it through the uprights = Self explanatory
Special Teams = Prostitute/Gigolo
Unsportsmanlike Conduct = Bragging to your friends about your activities
Double Coverage = Two condoms
Handoff = Handjob