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It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

“How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.”

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!”

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here, asshole?”

Bloke comes home from the bar drunk at 4am in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he tries to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and lets rip a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What in the world was that?”

He replies, “Touchdown, I’m up 7 nothing.”

She thinks to herself, “I’m gonna fix him.” Then she lets one loose.

He yells at her, “What was that?”

She replies “Touchdown, tie score.”

Now he thinks, “I’m gonna fix her.” He’s laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”

He replied, “Half time, switch sides.”

A boy is taken from his home because of physical abuse. After being in the orphanage for a few weeks, he tells a social worker that he wants to leave. The social worker asks him, “Well, do you want to go back and live with your father again?”

“No,” replies the boy. “He beats me.”

The social worker says, “Do you want to live with your mother?”

The boy says, “No, she beats me too.”

“Well, then,” asks the social worker, “Who do you want to live with?”

The boy answers, “The New Orleans Saints.”

The social worker is taken aback. “The Saints? Why do you want to live with the New Orleans Saints?”

“Because,” replies the boy, “They don’t beat anybody.”

A boy is taken from his home because of physical abuse. After being in the orphanage for a few weeks, he tells a social worker that he wants to leave. The social worker asks him, “Well, do you want to go back and live with your father again?”

“No,” replies the boy. “He beats me.”

The social worker says, “Do you want to live with your mother?”

The boy says, “No, she beats me too.”

“Well, then,” asks the social worker, “Who do you want to live with?”

The boy answers, “The New Orleans Saints.”

The social worker is taken aback. “The Saints? Why do you want to live with the New Orleans Saints?”

“Because,” replies the boy, “They don’t beat anybody.”

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

“How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.”

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!”

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here, asshole?”



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