Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
Coin Toss = Asking them out
Kickoff = Holding hands
1st Down = Kissing
2nd Down = Up the shirt
3rd Down = Down south
4th Down = Oral action
Touchdown = Shaggin’
Victory Dance = Smoking afterwards
Time Out = The guy needs more time/can’t get it up
Incompletion = Guy can’t get off
Interception = Someone walks in on the two of you
Offsides = Gay person/Gay action
Flag on the play = Unwanted Advances
Delay of game = Girl has her period
Hail Mary = Not sure the other one wants it, but you go for it anyway
Hike = Up the rear
Reverse = 69
Sack = Girl takes control and gets frisky
2pt. conversion = Multiple orgasms
Prevent Defense = Condom/protection
Face Mask = Guy pulls girl head down to blow him
Shotgun = Touchdown in a car
Two minute warning = Guy gives the girl a warning before he blows his load
Holding = Cuddling
Superbowl = Wedding or Prom night
Huddle = Multiple participants
Madden ’99 = Cybersex
Instant replay = When you tape the two of you having sex
Illegal use of the hands = Masturbation
Ball Hog = Slut
Onside Kick = Making up after a fight
Double Header = Two mates in the same night
Tight End = Virgin
Wide Receiver = Girl that’s loose
False Start = Guy/Girl gets shut down (denied)
Pass Interference = Some stupid kid interrupts before you can get some
Fumble = Cheating (problem in the relationship)
Putting it through the uprights = Self explanatory
Special Teams = Prostitute/Gigolo
Unsportsmanlike Conduct = Bragging to your friends about your activities
Double Coverage = Two condoms
Handoff = Handjob
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
Smith was watching a rugby test against the New Zealand All Blacks at the Sydney Football Stadium. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat – next to Smith.
“Who does that seat belong to?” asked his neighbour.
“It’s for my wife.”
“But why isn’t she here?”
“She died.”
“So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?”
“They’ve all gone to the funeral.”
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends.” says the Bears fan. “I agree,” replies the Colts fan.
The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
“Look,” he says to the Colts fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”
He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Colts fan. “No,” replies the Bears fan, “I think I’ll wait ’til the police get here.”
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
“How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.”
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!”
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here, asshole?”
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
Coin Toss = Asking them out
Kickoff = Holding hands
1st Down = Kissing
2nd Down = Up the shirt
3rd Down = Down south
4th Down = Oral action
Touchdown = Shaggin’
Victory Dance = Smoking afterwards
Time Out = The guy needs more time/can’t get it up
Incompletion = Guy can’t get off
Interception = Someone walks in on the two of you
Offsides = Gay person/Gay action
Flag on the play = Unwanted Advances
Delay of game = Girl has her period
Hail Mary = Not sure the other one wants it, but you go for it anyway
Hike = Up the rear
Reverse = 69
Sack = Girl takes control and gets frisky
2pt. conversion = Multiple orgasms
Prevent Defense = Condom/protection
Face Mask = Guy pulls girl head down to blow him
Shotgun = Touchdown in a car
Two minute warning = Guy gives the girl a warning before he blows his load
Holding = Cuddling
Superbowl = Wedding or Prom night
Huddle = Multiple participants
Madden ’99 = Cybersex
Instant replay = When you tape the two of you having sex
Illegal use of the hands = Masturbation
Ball Hog = Slut
Onside Kick = Making up after a fight
Double Header = Two mates in the same night
Tight End = Virgin
Wide Receiver = Girl that’s loose
False Start = Guy/Girl gets shut down (denied)
Pass Interference = Some stupid kid interrupts before you can get some
Fumble = Cheating (problem in the relationship)
Putting it through the uprights = Self explanatory
Special Teams = Prostitute/Gigolo
Unsportsmanlike Conduct = Bragging to your friends about your activities
Double Coverage = Two condoms
Handoff = Handjob
19 views |
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a
building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her
pet cat in her arms.
“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”
“No,” she cries, “It’s too far.”
“I play football, I can catch him.”
The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch
it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed
catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into
cheers.
Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
* The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
* He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
* He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow!
* It’s a game of inches.
* That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
* When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it.
* He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
* He found his tight end.
* End around!
* He had to stretch to get it in!
* He gets penetration into the backfield!
* He blows them off (at the line)!
* He bangs it in!
* He could go all the way!
* He gets it off just in time!
* He goes deep!
* He found a hole and slid through it!
* He pounds it in!
* He beats them off (the line)
* He’s got great hands!
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
After the big Super Bowl party, Doug figured he better spend some quality time with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.
“Alright honey,” he says, “Give me a play you want me to run.”
“How about foreplay?” his wife replies.
“What’s the foreplay?” says Doug.
“You know,” the wife says, “It happens before the two minute warning.”
33 views |
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a
building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her
pet cat in her arms.
“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”
“No,” she cries, “It’s too far.”
“I play football, I can catch him.”
The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch
it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed
catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into
cheers.
Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
22 views |
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Read all jokes from: Football (+145)
A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with the advertising manager.
The farmer said, “I would like to purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans . . .”
The sales manager said, “Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?”
The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly, “I’d be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks.”
“$300?” the manager yelled, “You must be out of your mind!!! The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!”
The farmer very evenly replied, “I’m sure that’s right. But those people are out for blood. I’m just farting around.”
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