Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
Johnny Raper, the legnedary StGeorge player from the 1950s and 1960s passed away. The Rugby League World was in mourning. This was a bad day for Rugby League and Australian Sport.
While the StGeorge fans and others mourned, Johnny was being transported up to the Gates of Heaven, where he as greeted by a man.
“Hell Mr Raper! You are a legend. You were one of the immortals – a legend in your own lifetime. I watched you and you will have no problems getting through this gate.”
“Gee Thanks” Johnny replied.
“I do have to ask you, if there is anything you should tell me, which would prevent you from passing through these gates?”
“Well…..in one of those Grand Finals out of the 11 in a row we won, there was a forward pass I threw to send one of out players in for the winning try”
The Man at the Gates laughed.
“No. I had a very close look at that, it was fair and square.”
“Really, I know it was a forward pass.”
“NO! There is no chance, I have looked at it many times on the video replay.”
“Well okay, if you insist. Thank you then, St Peter. I will pass through these gates now.”
“No problems, Mr Raper, but I better tell you I am not St Peter. I am StGeorge. St Peter is on a smoko break.”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
Did you see where that lady that won the 20 million dollar lawsuit for the McDonald’s coffee being too hot, is suing Walmart?
Apparently she bought an Ernie Irvin Shirt and hit the wall 10 times before she left the store.
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.
“I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!”
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”
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Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years!”, he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”
And the man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”
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Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.”
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?”
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, “OK.” And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.”
The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?”
The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure.” And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?”
The golfer says, “Certainly.” And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,”You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil and from now on you will have no sex life.”
“Nice to meet you,” says the golfer. “My name’s Father O’Malley.”
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Read all jokes from: Hunting (+66), In-law (+105)
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter husband, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
Mrs Jones : I’d like my son to be excused playing cricket. I don’t think he should mix with that sort of person.
Teacher: How d’you mean?
Mrs Jones: Well; I distinctly heard him say that the man in the white coat was a vampire!
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Read all jokes from: Baseball (+51)
This is the new public relations director for the Chicago Cubs, and here is what he has to say…
“The Cubs are well on their way to winning the World Series this year. The Yankees, Red Sox, Braves and Angels do not stand a chance, the Cubs are superior and will defeat all the teams they play this year 25-0 and their record will be 162 and 0.
“The Cubs have the league’s best hitting, pitching, base running, coaching, stadium, hot dog stands, parking, ground crew, announcers, and sell out every home game.
“They will not only win the World Series but also the Superbowl, the NBA Championship, The Stanley Cup, and all Nascar and Indy car races.”
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Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies
are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready
to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it
another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically
“I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn’t help.”
One of the men immediately replies “No, you see that’s your problem. You
should have been taking golf lessons instead.”
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Read all jokes from: Sport (+1016)
You have two sides one out in the field and one in .
Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out .
When they are all out the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out .
Sometimes you get men still in and not out .
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs , THAT’S THE END OF THE GAME !
HOWZAT !!!!!
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