Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.”
“Well,” said the other woman,” That will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”
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Read all jokes from:Sport (+1013)
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.” “Well,” said the other woman,” That will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815), Sport (+1013)
- It’s legal to play hockey professionally. - The puck is always hard. - Protective equipment is reusable and you don’t even have to wash it. - It lasts a full hour. - You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds. - Your parents cheer when you score. - A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon. - Periods only last 20 minutes. - You can count on it at least twice a week. - You can tell the media about it afterwards.
Read all jokes from:Golf (+378)
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol
Read all jokes from:Football (+145)
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Colts fan” she reports. “Then,” asks the teacher,” What are you?” “I’m a Chicago Bears fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan. “Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I’m a Bears fan too,” she responds. “That’s no reason,” the teacher says. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?” Kelly smiles and says, “Then I’d be a Colts fan.”
Read all jokes from:Football (+145)
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top. “How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.” The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!” The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here, asshole?”
Read all jokes from:Golf (+378)
An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a “Mulligan” and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, “AYE, we call it a three.”
Read all jokes from:Golf (+378)
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three). LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.” LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1013)
George was describing a 30 pound Bass he’d caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, “I saw the picture you took of that fish. You’re lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds.” George replied, “Well… a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting.”
Read all jokes from:Sport (+1013)
Q: Why don’t the Amish water ski?
Read all jokes from:Golf (+378)
10. Nuts… my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it. 3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired. 1. Hold up… I need to wash my balls first.
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