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Q: Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?
A: She gives a licking and keeps on ticking.

Horses in the race are:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry

At the Post:

They’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson
in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it’s Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It’s Big Johnson giving everything he’s got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and
wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes Lord, but what is a ‘kiss?’” So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, “Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.” And the Lord replied, “Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I’d like you to caress Eve.” And Adam said, “What is a ‘caress?’” So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, “Lord, that was even better than the kiss.” And the Lord said, “You’ve done well Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve.” And Adam asked, “What is ‘make love’ Lord?’” So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds. And Adam said, “Lord, what is a ‘headache?’”

Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be cast off
on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one
chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. “Never heard
of her.” his companions protested. “Who is she?” “Why she’s just the
greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper,”
replied the third man. “See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING
VIRGINIA PIPELINE”

Dream on, boys!

* I’ll swallow it all …I love the taste.

* Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

* I’m bored. Let’s shave my little kitty, you big lion king!

* Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!

* God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!

* I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?

* You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.

* I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

* Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

* Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

* Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.

* I’ll be out painting the house.

* I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.

* Honey, our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!

* I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

* No, no … I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.

* Your mother did a great job raising you.

* Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.

* I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.

* Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?

* Not the mall again! Come on let’s go to that new strip joint!

* Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.

* You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

* That was a great fart! Do another one!

* I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you…



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