 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read, “Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs., and you play the fiddle.” She found the fortune amusing, since she didn’t play the fiddle, but it did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle. He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing the fiddle with great natural skill. She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn’t. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: “Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis.” She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she farts. She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn’t know. She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: “Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex.” She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus,when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw like two teenagers. The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: “Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you’ve fiddled, you’ve farted, you’ve screwed around, and now you’ve missed your bus.”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have sex with him because they all told him that his penis was too long. “Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “Is there any way you can shorten it?” The doctor replied, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But I do know a witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gave him directions to the witch’s place. The man went to see the witch the next day, and told her his sad story. “Witch, my penis is 20 inches long, and I can’t get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?” The witch asked him to pull it out so she could have a look at it. The man uncoiled his 20-inch penis. The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied, “I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. You must ask the frog, ‘will you marry me?’ Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be 4 inches shorter.” The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and, sure enough, there sat the frog on a log. He uncoiled his huge python-like penis and called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?” The frog looked at him with some disdain, and replied, “NO.” The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 4 inches shorter! “WOW!” he screamed out loud. Then he said to himself, “This is great! But it’s still too long at 16 inches, so I’ll ask the frog to marry me again.” Once more he shouted to the frog, “Frog, will you marry me?” The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!” The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 4 inches shorter! The man laughed, and shouted, “This is fantastic!” He looked down at his penis once more, and by now it was only 12 inches long, so he reflected for a moment. “Twelve inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal,” he thought. “So, I’ll ask the frog to marry me ONE more time.” Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog, will you marry me?” The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head in frustration and said, “NO! NO! . . . and for the last time, NO!”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
“Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?” “I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered “Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two hello’s?”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
To determine your personality check the gift you’d most like to get: 1. Candy If you answered… 1. CANDY It means that… You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share… OR you’re a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that… You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture… OR you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that… You’re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word… OR you’re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. SEX It means that…You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful… OR you’re a filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience after another. 5. DINNER/DANCING It means that… You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight… OR you’re easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 6. WAFFLE IRON It means that… You’re a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use… OR you have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant sexual fetish involving kitchen appliances.
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to call the cops!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about miss, that’s just my pay check in my pocket.” “Oh really,” she said. “Then you must have some job, because that’s the fifth raise you’ve had in the last half hour.”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4814)
3 cowboys sitting around a campfire. Each one having a busy day and always felt the need to out-do the other cowboy.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....