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Q: What’s a real mate?

A: Someone who’ll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one when he returns.

Q: What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A: Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick.
One man said, “I sure wish I could do that.”
The other replied, “You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.”

Reminiscing about their wayward youth, a former hippie asked a onetime flower child, “Say, were you ever picked up by the fuzz?”

“No,” she replied, “but I bet it’d hurt!”

A husband and wife are watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, “Honey, let’s go upstairs… ”
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, “Is that your final answer?” The wife says yes.
The husband says, “Well, can I phone a friend?”

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