A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant.
“My dear,” said the New York matron snobbishly, “Here in the East we think breeding is everything.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” the lady from the Midwest replied. “Out where I come from we think it’s fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well.”
Q: What do blondes and a spaghetti noodle have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them.
“What’s this I hear about you breaking off your engagement?” asked Julie.
“Well,” Sharon confirmed, “Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired.”
Q: Who was that baby I saw you with last night?
A: That was no baby, that was my senator!
A very good-looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women in the place.
Disheartened by all this, the good-looking man asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women. What’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want, but I haven’t been able to connect all night. What’s going on?”
“Well,” said the bartender, “I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows.”