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Q: Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…HUH!” all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”

The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get it up, if you know what I mean.”

The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?” he asked. “I couldn’t even jump up on the bed!”

Q: What’s a transvestite’s idea of a good time?

A: Eat, drink, and be Mary!

The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn’t get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. “Now look,” the doctor said, “the
only way you’re going to get it up is to say “beep,” and then to
get it soft again, you say, “beep, beep.”

“How marvelous,” the old man said.

“Yes, but I must warn you,” the doctor said,” it’s only going to
work three times before you die.”

On his way home, the man decided he wasn’t going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. “Beep!” he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, “beep, beep,” and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went “beep,” and the
car in the opposite lane responded with “beep beep.”

Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
“speed it up.” He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. “Honey,” he shouted at her, “don’t ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed.” Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
“beep,” and he was UP.

He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
“What’s all this “beep beep” shit?”

A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting every docker he sees that his guy can make love to 100 women in a row, without pausing, and satisfy them all. Bets are made, and they agree that they’ll meet the next day.

The next day, 100 women are lined up along the dock . The guy drops his pants and starts. True to his word, he moves from one to the next, satisfying each one without pausing: 1.. 2.. 3.. on and on he goes: 49.. 50.. 51.. He slows down somewhat: 83…. 84…. 85…. but he is still moving from one to the next, and the women are still satisfied: 97………… 98…………. 99……………. and before he can get to the last woman, he has a heart attack and dies.

The manager scratches his head in puzzlement and says, “I don’t understand it! It went perfectly well at practice this morning!”



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