A woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, “Come this way,” and heads towards the back of the store.
“If I could come that way,” she tells the retreating clerk, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”
Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the Toy Box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, saying “Lie to me!”
Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.
Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum.
Suzie asked, “You wanna play doctor?”
Johnny replied, “NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president.”
Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering
the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The
priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said,
“Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”
The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Take seven lemons and
squeeze them into a glass and then drink it.”
The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”
The priest said “NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face.”