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Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
A few rules for what men can and cannot wear at a private pool. 1) Speedos. Speedos cannot be worn by men under the following conditions: 1A) If when you look down, you can’t see the color of your Speedo, you probably should not be wearing one. No matter how manly your chest may be, if your belly exceeds your chest, it is not arousing to women to see your skimpy bathing suit. 1B) If your belly hangs down over the top of the Speedo, you should not be wearing one. No, women are not impressed that you can do finger acrobatics tying up your Speedo with only one hand, as the other hand is being used to lift up the fold of skin of your belly hanging mercilessly down over the top of your Speedo. 1C) If you have one of those penises that kind of stick straight out as opposed to hang down, you should not be wearing one. No, women do not get turned on by 1and a 1/2 inches of pure male passion raging from your loins. 1D) If you have a butt that is larger than most lawn chairs, skip the Speedo. 1F) If you are the type of guy who gets aroused when you see a woman in less than an overcoat and/or if there is a gentle breeze, you should not be wearing one. Teepees are for Indian reservations and not for the pool thankyouverymuch. 2) If you cannot wear a Speedo, and are wearing short type bathing suits, please for the sake of all humankind, wear one with an inner shell. There is nothing sexier than seeing your boys hanging down as you sit in that position that only a man can do so gracelessly, but it is impolite to be the cause of so many women getting so horny at midday, so keep your boys hidden. 3) No thongs under any circumstances. 4) If you wear sandals, do not wear white knee socks. * * * * * * * * * * A few rules for what women can and cannot wear at a private pool. 1) Thongs are encouraged… however only if certain conditions are met. 1A) There must be a direct correlation to the amount of total square inches of skin, to the total amount of square inches of bathing suit. In other words, if you are any larger than a mini van, a string bikini should be frowned upon. 1B) Thongs or ass floss as they have been come to be known in pool and beach circles, should be worn as long as there is not more cellulite on your buttocks than in one of Mel Gibson’s Epic type movies. 2) Women with near perfect figures, cannot wear one piece bathing suits… plain and simple. Damn, I know it’s a sexist world, but it’s the world that we live in. 3) Curlers are strictly verboten.
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.” THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS: * “Am I dreaming?”
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor,
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1638), Sex (+4815), Women (+407)
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Drink: Blender Drinks Drink: Mixed Drinks Drink: Wine – (does not include white zinfandel, see below) Drink: White Zin Drink: Shots Additional note: If she likes salt on the rim of her Margarita, she swallows.
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
When you think of it, there are only two things people need. You got to have sex. You got to have food. That’s it. You don’t need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it’s sex and food. But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe God was a Republican. Somebody said, “All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors closed, man on top, once a week, that’s it.” But not only can you eat the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: “Hey, Chuck, why don’t you come over on Sunday? We’re going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids, have a hell of a time.” What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would change. Food would become a four-letter word. When people got angry at you, they’d yell out “Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper.” Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. “Ohmigod. It’s a pepperoni.” Locker room talk would change. “Hey, man, how’d you do this weekend?” “Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut.” Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states. Supermarkets would check I.D.’s and charge admission to the poultry section. Frederick’s of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection. Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. “All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister.” Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks. You’d be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. “Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?” Fundamental Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet. Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic. Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they’ll go blind. Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his Doris thinks for a minute and says, “I don’t know, Sol. I’ve heard Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his “Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, ‘To Whom It May
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
Two GI’s in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting.
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
Q: What is a Yankee?
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4815)
Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, “Come on, babe, let’s go in the alleyway and get it on. I’ve got fifteen bucks.” She says, “FIFTEEN bucks? You’re crazy. For fifteen bucks, I’ll let you LOOK at it.” They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can’t see anything, because it’s too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, “My God, your pubic hair… it’s so curly and thick… it’s BEAUTIFUL.” She says, “Thank you.” He says, “You mind if I ask you a personal question?” She says, “Go ahead.” He says, “Can you pee through all that hair?” She says, “Of course.” He says, “Well, you better start. You’re on fire.”
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