Joke's Database
Have fun of 100266 entries!

The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, “Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up.”

A gay man stood up and said, “I did.”

The preacher told him, “Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns.”

Excitedly, the gay guy said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him!”

Condominium – A prophylactic for midgets.

The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, “How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She looked him rite in the eye and said, “You’re never home!”

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and
asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays.”

The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?” So he
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and
experienced in this matter.

He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority:
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question,
then states, ” My son, sex is definitely play.”

The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so
many others tell me sex is work?”

The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have
the maid do it.”

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water
cooler at the office. “Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,” Gloria
said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alex in accounting asked
me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?”

“Oh, my God!” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, dine you, and then
use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off your
dress and you’ll have fantastic s*x!”

“What should I do?” asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied, “Wear an old dress.”

Condominium – A prophylactic for midgets.

From the new 2000 All GAY Version of ‘Sound of Music’…

Big dykes with small dogs and butches with kittens;
Diesels in tall boots with chains on their mittens;
Femmes in their lipstick with rings in their nose;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

Men who can cook and make great apple strudels;
Women who think and can sure use their noodles;
Some who like dressing in black leather clothes;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

Men in tight dresses with gold lame sashes;
Makeup and high heels and long false eyelashes;
Men who have muscles and men who wear hose;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

REFRAIN:

When the right wing
Spews its hatred
And it makes me sad,
I simply remember the gays that I know And then I don’t
feel – - – so bad.

Doctors and nurses and students and teachers;
Soldiers and singers and actors and preachers;
Lawyers who fight in the courts with our foes;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

Nieces and uncles and sisters and brothers;
Parents who live with significant others;
Brave sons and daughters who let their love show;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

Young politicians with courage and vision;
Leaders with guts who can make a decision;
Those in the closets and those on the go;
These are a few of the gays that I know.

REFRAIN:

First Anita,
then it’s Limbaugh,
It just makes you mad,
But always remember the gays that you know and then you
won’t feel – - – so bad!

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says, “We’re Catholic so we can’t birth control.”

The next woman says, “I am too, but we use the rhythm method.”

The third woman says, “We use the bucket and saucer method.”

“What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?” the others ask.

“Well, I’m five foot eleven…and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.”

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.

“I suppose you’re going to tell me now that you’re waiting for ‘Mr. Right’,” he said dejectedly.

“That’s a silly old romantic notion,” laughed the coed. “I’m just waiting for Mr. Big.”

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful
17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go
to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to
him, “So, tell me, how was it?”
“Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The sun, the surf, we made love
almost every night, we – ”
His friend interrupts him. “A man your age! How did you make love almost
every night?”
“Oh,” says the man, “we almost made love Monday, we almost made love
Tuesday… “

© 2013 ifundb.com
Log in |