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Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
“We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.”

The next woman says “I am too but we use the rhythm

The third woman says “We use the bucket and saucer

“What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?”, the others

“Well, I’m five foot eleven… and my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from
under him.”

Q: How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?

A: Call her up

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear, ” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She
paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “and if that damned ice
cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

Q: What does it mean when two lesbians make love?

A: It doesn’t mean dick.

Q: Why are women like snow flakes?
They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But they’ll all melt when they land on your face…

© 2015