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While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: “What happened, did I hurt you?”
“Why no, not at all,” said his surprised wife. “Whatever made you ask that?”
“Well, no reason actually,” the bored husband replied with a sigh, “It’s just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved.”

Q: What’s the ultimate in rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Susan was in her late thirties and still not married. She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.

She wrote: “Looking for a man who won’t beat me, won’t leave me, and is excellent in bed.”

Several days went by and she hadn’t gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door. She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. “Can I help you?” she asked.

He said, “I am the man of your dreams!”

She was baffled. She said, “Excuse me.”

“I read your personal ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I can’t beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you.”

“But are you good in bed?” she asked.

He replied, “How do you think I knocked on the door?!”

14) Snow White, Seven Dwarfs and a Webcam

13) The Knave Who Choked The Warrior Coach But Is Still Getting Many Pieces Of Gold

12) How To Make $5,000 A Week In Your Spare Time

11) Rapennzoil

10) The Emperor’s New Clothes from International Male

9) Booty and the Priest

8) The Supermodel and the Top 5 Contributor

7) Little Red Clitoral Hood

6) Bubba and the Slippery Zipper

5) Johnny Leatherpants and His Magic Nipple Clamps

4) Rumpledforeskin

3) The Ogres of Madison County

2) GoldieHawn and the 3 Plastic Surgeons

1) The Little Engine That Never Will (because the lazy bastard’s been a disappointment to me and his mother since day one!)

Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around
their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank.

Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, “Boys! Boys!
Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your
penis’ away.”

The tallest altar boy turns around and yells, “Sister Margaret, don’t
worry, we know what we’re doing. Father Porter always likes a couple
cold ones after work… “

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