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Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why thank you!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you… I would becoming too!

A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the light on.

The policeman walked over to the car where he saw young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.

He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver’s window and knocked. The young man looked up, cracked the window and said, “Yes, officer?”

“What are you doing?” the policeman asked.

“What does it look like?” answered the young man. “I’m reading this magazine.”

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, “And what is she doing?”

The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, “I think she is knitting a sweater.”

Confused, the officer asked, “How old are you young man?”

“I’m nineteen,” he replied.

“And how old is she?” asked the officer.

The young man looked at his watch and said, “Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be eighteen.”

Fred’s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

“I suppose,” said his pretty but reluctant date, “you’re going to pull the old ‘out of gas’ routine.”

“No,” said Fred, ” I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“The ‘here after’ routine… what’s that?” she wanted to know.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone!” he replies.

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, “You’ll have to wait.”
“But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.”
“Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.”
“Listen, I’m pretty desperate. I don’t need a room.”
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate
the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But
it’s a very cold night, and they freeze to death and
fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
staggers to the door, and knocks.

“Go away!” says the madam. “We don’t allow drunks in here!”

“I don’t want in,” says the drunk. “I just wanted to tell
you that your sign fell down.”

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles he asks the driver what the monkey is for. The driver says “I’ll show you” and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash. The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker head. When finished ,the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.

“See that” said the trucker.

The man said “Yeah”.

The trucker ask the man “You want to try it?”

The man said “OK, but don’t hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!”



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