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Three guys are walking down the beach, when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach. The first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her, when she says, “What will we name the child?”

The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy goes over to her and starts doing his thing when she says, “What will we name the child?”

He freaks out also and runs away. The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing. when she says, “What will we name the child?”

He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps going.

Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean. He turns to the girl and says, “If he gets out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”

Bill and his sidekick walk into a bar, not realizing it’s a gay bar. They take a table and sit down. Some guy walks over and leans on the table, saying, “Hey, you guys wanna play butt football?”

Not really knowing what that is, Bill asks the bartender.

The bartender says, “Oh, you just chug a beer; that’s the touchdown; then you pull down your pants and boxers, bend over and moon the room and fart; that’s the extra point.”

Bill looks at his friend and says, “Why not? Sounds like a whole lot of fun!”

Bill’s sidekick chugs a beer, pulls down his pants, moons the room, and farts.

Bill chugs his beer, pulls down his pants, bends over and is just about to moon the room when another guy walks up behind him, sticks his dick up Bill’s ass, and yells, “Field goal block!”

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have sex with him because they all told him that his penis was too long.

“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “Is there any way you can shorten it?”

The doctor replied, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But I do know a witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gave him directions to the witch’s place.

The man went to see the witch the next day, and told her his sad story.

“Witch, my penis is 20 inches long, and I can’t get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?”

The witch asked him to pull it out so she could have a look at it. The man uncoiled his 20-inch penis. The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied, “I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. You must ask the frog, ‘will you marry me?’ Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be 4 inches shorter.”

The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and, sure enough, there sat the frog on a log. He uncoiled his huge python-like penis and called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”

The frog looked at him with some disdain, and replied, “NO.”

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 4 inches shorter!

“WOW!” he screamed out loud. Then he said to himself, “This is great! But it’s still too long at 16 inches, so I’ll ask the frog to marry me again.”

Once more he shouted to the frog, “Frog, will you marry me?”

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!”

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 4 inches shorter! The man laughed, and shouted, “This is fantastic!”

He looked down at his penis once more, and by now it was only 12 inches long, so he reflected for a moment. “Twelve inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal,” he thought. “So, I’ll ask the frog to marry me ONE more time.”

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog, will you marry me?”

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head in frustration and said, “NO! NO! . . . and for the last time, NO!”

One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring, then said, “But isn’t having nine babies a little much?”

“Well,” she said, “I don’t know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air.”

“Yes,” said the priest. “Your legs!”

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.”
A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”
“I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

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