A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, “Did I screw up the
cooking… ” “No”, the cowboy replied, “You cooked up the screwing.”
Even KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new, year 2000 compliant, product: “Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!”
“My, but you look different today Claudia,” commented Rene to her coworker. “Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use – special curlers and some dramatic eye makeup?”
“No!” replied Claudia. “My vibrator shorted out this morning.”
Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends.
The first said, “He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats.”
“Impressive.” said the second young thing.
“Well… yes.” the first agreed. “But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit.”
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip.
Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company.
Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker
says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s
for a hand job.” “$500 for a hand job? Why, that’s outrageous!” the man
exclaimed. ” No hand job in the world could be worth $500!” The hooker
summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below.
“See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can
do with my hands.” Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 and
sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual
experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, “God
that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?” “$2500,” the hooker replied.
“$2500 for a blowjob?” Cried the astonished man. “That’s way too much!”
Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across
the street. “Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there?
I own that because of what I can do with my mouth.” ” Oh no,” moans the man,
“this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it.” Once again the hooker
takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure
he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified.
As soon as the man can speak again, he says, “I just have to know. How much
do you get for pussy?” The hooker drags the man to the window for a third
time, points and proclaims, “Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on
the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!”