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Q: How can u tell if a blonde has been in the frig?
A: Theres lipstick on the cucumber.

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female.
“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am – a goddam queer?”

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass…well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. “Young lady,” he began, “I would like three pickets to titsburg…” Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg,” he began, “and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.” So of course he also fled.

Then came the third. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say,” he continued, “if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger’s going to shake his peter at you.”

Q: How can you tell if you’ve stumbled into a lesbian bar?
A: Even the pool tables don’t have balls.

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