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Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.

On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten get any shoes.

Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie’s feet were in agony.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say, “God, that was tight!”

“There,” whispered the Queen. “I told you she was a virgin.”

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. “Right. Now for the other one.”

Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said, “My God. That was even tighter.”

“That’s my boy,” said the Duke. “Once a sailor, always a sailor!”

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Screw you!”

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Q: How do faggots get a condom off?

A: They fart.

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