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A fellow came to a house with a red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was no one in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading “Over 35″ and “Under 35.” He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said “Over 35.”

He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, “Over 8 inches” and “Under 8 inches.”

Truthful again, he went through the “Under 8 inches” door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, “Once a night” and “Over 4 times a night.”

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked “Once a night” and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is, “Always tell the truth and you’ll never get screwed.”

Q: Why was Joan Collins voted “Woman of the Year” by Screw magazine?
A: Because she had more meat between her buns than McDonald’s.

After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband “Was
making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?”
“Yes, she’s dead to!””Was making love to me really the same as making
love to Marilyn Monroe?”

“Yes, she’s dead to!”

In the days of Yore, long gone by, at the time of Camelot, there were many brave Knights, but the bravest of them all was Sir Lancelot. Sir Lancelot was the bravest of the brave, goodest of the good and purest of the pure.

One day Sir Lancelot set out from Camelot on his trusty charger, his quest as ever, to slay dragons, rescue maidens and hopefully turn up the Holy Grail on the way. Resplendent in his shiny armor he set forth, brave, good and pure.

However on this day, events took a decidedly strange twist, as out of nowhere a strange anomaly of time and space appeared, and before Sir Lancelot could rein in his horse, they plummeted through the vortex and were hurled many years through time and many miles through space, until finally … they landed in present day San Francisco.

Slightly disorientated and completely naked (the anomaly did not transport non living tissue or in-organic substances), Sir Lancelot surveyed the new world that he had been thrust upon. His nakedness did not trouble him, for in his mind he was clad in the raiment of Goodness and Purity. Just then he spied what he thought must be an Inn of some form named “The Fudge Packer.”

He entered this strange hostelry and noticed men clad in all manner of weird apparel. He believe that he saw women also, but on closer inspection, they turned out to be men as well, dressed in female clothing.

Alas, Sir Lancelot did not watch where he was treading and his foot slid through a large strawberry daiquiri slick. He somersaulted into the air before landing on his head, knocking himself unconscious, draped face down over a chair and … a Good Knight was had by everyone!

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.

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