The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His
boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as
he looked absolutely terrible. “Well… ” said the Engineer, “I met
this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and
wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we
ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sex all night.”
“OK,” replied the boss, “that may explain your fatigue, but why
are your eyes so red ?”
“Well… ” said the Engineer, “turns out she was married and had
a baby at home. She started crying, and I started thinking
about my own wife and kids, so I cried too.”
“I see.” chided the boss, “but that seminar ended Friday. How
come you still appear so ragged ?”
“Well… ” said the Engineer, “you can’t sit there and cry 4-5
times a day for four days and not look like this.”
Now I lay me down to sleep.
Please don’t send me no more creeps.
Please just send me one good man.
One without a wedding band.
One good man who’s sweet as pie.
Who brushed his teeth and doesn’t lie.
Who dresses neat and doesn’t smell.
And is sexy like my man Denzel.
Man, if I should die before I wake,
that would truly take the cake;
No matrimony or honeymoon.
No fancy reception planned for June.
No throwing of the wedding bouquet.
Please, God, don’t let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right
I won’t go out without a fight.
But then again with my luck,
He’d probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad
I know it’s just a passing fad.
I won’t be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won’t comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.
The single life will do just fine.
So what’s up, girlfriend?
IT’S PARTY TIME!!!!
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.”
A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”
“I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”
Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
“No thanks,” the girl says. “You know I don’t smoke.”