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It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back
of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
“And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife,
when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
“Down at the office,” he replied, “working like a dog.”

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while:
“Honey, your tits are too small, and your box
is too tight,”

“Get off my back, dear!” she replies

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer, and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber’s truck in the driveway.

“Lord,” he pleaded, “Please let her be having an affair.”

A blonde walks into a pharmacy before having sex.
She says to the guy behind the counter, “I’d like to buy a condom, please.”
He says, “Hey, watch your mouth!”
She says, “You’re right, better make that 2.”

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to
their position in life,
and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other. The first one
says, “My husband is
taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then
looks at the others
with a superior demeanor. The second one says, “Well, my husband just
bought me a new
Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number
three says,
“Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and
we don’t have
many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my
husband is that
fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis.”
After this, the first one
looks shamefaced and says, “Girls, I’ve got a confession to make: I
was just trying to
impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well,
it’s not to the French
Riviera, it’s to my folks’ house in Terre Haute for two weeks.” The
second one says,
“Your honesty has shamed me. It’s not a Mercedes; it’s a Plymouth.”
“Well, I’ve got a
confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one
leg.”



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