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Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: “Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that’s 150, you’ll get a 25% discount!”
The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: “We could eat the 30, I suppose.”

The clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfume.
“This is called ‘Perhaps’,” said the sales clerk. “It’s $285 per

“Listen,” the man shot back, “for $285 an ounce, I don’t want
something called ‘Perhaps’; I want something called…

“You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some !!”

How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt…
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she’s been fucking too much..

“Well, dear what’s it to be tonight?” said the amorous hubby.

“Hmmm….I’m in the mood for something special tonight, how about turkey style?” replied his mate.

“Turkey style? I’ve heard of ‘doggy style,’ but what in the world is turkey style?” he asks.

“Gobble, gobble, gobble!”

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” says the Doctor, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m
going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school,
but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “you have a REALLY nice house.”

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