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Q: What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
A: Depends…

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.” Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn’t worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and
blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks “When
did you first begin to think you were impotent?”

“Three times last night, and again this morning.”

You’re not sure of:

THE DOCTOR because he says, “Take off your clothes.”

THE DENTIST because he says, “Open wide.”

THE HAIRDRESSER because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown?”

THE MILKMAN because he says, “Do you want it in the front or the back?”

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says, “Once it’s in, you’ll love it.”

THE STOCK BROKER because he says, “It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again.”

THE BANKER because he says, “If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest.”

THE HUNTER because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

THE BELL ATLANTIC GUY because he says, “Would you like it on the table or against the wall?”

Kay was a beautiful girl. As she was walking through the woods on a hot summers day, the heat became too much for her and she decided to go for a swim. She took off all her clothes, piled them neatly on the side of the riverbank and dived in.

A couple of young boys came along and decided to steal her clothes.

Having gotten out of the water and discovered that her clothes had been stolen, Kay decided to go to the roadside and hitch a ride home. Along came James, riding a bicycle.

He stopped for Kay. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll ride you into town.”

She jumped on his bicycle and rode sidesaddle in front of James.

James said nothing, but after ten minutes Kay was so overwhelmed at how calm he was that she said, “Tell me, haven’t you noticed that I’m completely naked?”

“Sure,” said James. “Haven’t you noticed that you’re riding on a girls bike?”

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences. I guess I am.”

After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied, “I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

To which he replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

© 2015