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Did you hear about the hooker that had her appendix taken out?
Now she does business on the side!

Seven wise men smarter than shit,
decided to make a pair of tits.

First was a miner who came from the ground,
Grabbed a shovel and made two mounds.

Next was a sculptor after being soothed,
With skillful hands he made them smooth.

Third was a mattress maker who was a bit sleazy,
But worked on the boobs to make them squeezy.

Fourth came a tailor who could tuck and nip,
At the top of it he made a tip.

Fifth was a farmer that gave them milk,
Coming from the tip smooth as silk.

Sixth was a father that burst out and said,
“If she feeds the kids, I stay in bed!”

Finally was a pimp who said with some spit,
after licking and sucking, “This is definitely a tit!”

One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did
not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked
him why is he putting one on. She said “you don’t have to worry about
getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don’t have to worry
about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway”.
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl
and said, “young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn’t because
I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the
scent of burning rubber.”

A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love,” came the reply.
The old man responded, “I thought so. Would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

“Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of

“All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You
undress and tell me when you’re through.”

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: “Doctor,
I’ve undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?”

“Put them on the chair, on top of mine.”

© 2015