A man strides into a bar wearing a long trench coat and carrying a closed box. He walks up to the bar places the box upon it. He then opens the trench coat, revealing not only that he is buck naked but also very erect.
He then opens the box and removes a large turtle, at least a good ten pounds or so in weight. He brings it near his pecker and when it gets in reach it clamps on to his pecker. He then releases the turtle from his hands, and it hangs above the stools that line the bar. He walks up the length of the stools and back again, not saying a word.
When he reaches the point from which he started, he smacks the turtle on the head, causing it to release his pecker from its grasp. He puts it back in the box, closes his trench coat, and turns to the rest of the patrons of the bar.
“I’ll give any man who can do that $1000,” he says.
Then, from the back of the room, a really scrawny, dorky, feeble looking guy stands up and says, “I’ll do it… as long as you promise not to hit me on the head when I’m done.”
The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was
to be direct about
it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and
whaddaya say to a little fuck?”
She looked down at him and promptly replied, “Hello, you little fuck!”
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.
“Carrie’s not ready yet so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.
“That’s cool,” says Bobby.
Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop and a movie.
Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he ask Carrie’s father to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw, she’ll screw all night if we let her!”
Well this just made Bobby’s eyes light up and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
“DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST !!!!!!!!”
A young girl is speaking with her father.
“Daddy, what’s that between your legs?”
“That’s my hedgehog.”
“Wow, it’s got a massive cock.”