A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
“Listen,” says the Doctor, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m
going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school,
but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks.”
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “you have a REALLY nice house.”
It’s really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can’t think. You’ve got an eye, but you can’t see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!
Chad went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with excitement, Chad agreed.
When they got to the bedroom, Chad exclaimed “Wow! A waterbed. I’ve never had sex on a waterbed before.”
Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him and said, “Before we go any further, don’t you think you should put on some protection?”
“Good idea,” he responded and got up. Chad walked out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver.
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an
“Mrs. Brown,” he said, “I have some good news for you.”
The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,”
“Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have bad
news for you.”
One summer a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine. While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires.
He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on her way.
She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested.
On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady.
Jacques looked at the judge with a bewildered look and said, “Non! Hi don’t understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let her go! Hit’s O.K.!”
“Sir,” the judge said, “in THIS country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape. You must have her consent!”
After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, “Cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent on my fingers, cuntscent on my mustache, hi got her cuntscent everywhere!”