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Ok, I’m going to get a lot of hate mail for this one…

What’s the definition of the perfect woman?

She’s three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat
so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her
teeth fold in. The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turns
into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

The sex of a bee is hard to see
But he can tell and so can she.
The queen is quite a busy soul
She has no time for birth control.
And that is why in times like these,
There are so many sons of bees.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”
Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?”

An old man decides to go to his high school’s 50 year reunion. He hasn’t seen anyone since their 25 year reunion and is very interested to see who might show up. When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down at a table and talk about the past 25 years.

“How have you been?” he asks.

“Just fine, just fine,” she replies. “Although I do have some good news and bad news for you.”

“Bad news first please.”

“Well, I had to have a hysterectomy a few years back.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” he says. “What’s the good news?”

She says, “The doctor found your old high school ring you thought lost.”

The other day I went to a strip bar with a couple of guys. One of the guys gets into his wallet and flashes a $10 bill at one of the dancers. When she came over to our table, he licked the bill and stuck it on her ass.

The second guy with us decided he didn’t want to be out done so he took a $50 dollar bill, licked it and stuck it to her other butt cheek.

Now the pressure was on me. As the dancer made her way towards me, I reached in my wallet and discovered all I had was a $5 bill.

Not to be outdone, however, I grabbed my ATM card, swiped it down her ass, grabbed the $60 dollars and went home!

© 2014