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Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

I recently tried some of these new ‘flavoured’ condoms. I bought one of
each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag.
My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to
see what flavour i was wearing.
The first night she said “Mmmmm, Cherry flavour”,
The second night she said “Mmmmm, Mint flavour”,
The third night she said “Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour”,
and so on, until we had reached the final flavour,
and she said “Mmmmm, Cheese flavour”
“Cheese flavour ??” i said “I haven’t put one on yet!”

Q: What’s the difference between condoms and coffins?

A: They both hold something stiff but one’s coming and one’s going!

* You’re sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

* The turkey never suffers from modesty.

* You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

* You are expected to pass the dishes around.

* There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

* They give you the day off with pay to have dinner.

* Thanksgiving dinner is a “sure” thing.

* Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

* You’re expected to fall asleep after dinner.

* You are expected to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

Fred’s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

“I suppose,” said his pretty but reluctant date, “you’re going to pull the old ‘out of gas’ routine.”

“No,” said Fred, ” I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“The ‘here after’ routine… what’s that?” she wanted to know.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone!” he replies.

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