Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Would you like
bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to
follow?” she asks. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s
really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of home-
made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?” she inquires.
He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge
off my appetite.”
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She’ll go to
the store and buy him some food. “Would you like maybe a steak and
apple pie? Maybe you’d like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry?
That would only take a couple of minutes.” He declines. “It’s this
Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well,” she says, “would you mind letting me up, then? I’m starving!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he
finally says “OK,, just grip it like you do your husband’s member”.
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the
line. The instructor says, “Wow that’s great. Now just try taking the
racquet out of your mouth.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
KY Jelly have jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new product: “Y2K-Y Jelly: when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It’s not hard.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, “Where are you flying to today?”
She responds, “To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.” His mind reeling, he asks, “And what do you do at this meeting?”
“Well,” she says, “We try to dissolve some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“And what myths are those?” he continues, choking back his excitement.
She explains, “Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish decent who make the best lovers.”
“Very interesting…” the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don’t even know you! What is your name?”
The man extends his hand and replies, “Tonto……..Tonto Goldstein.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Q: What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
A: Two Mennonite!
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A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
“Have you always been that way?” asked the podiatrist.
“No,” she said, not until recently. “I’ve been fucking a lot doggie
style.”
“Well,” said the podiatrist, “you are going to have to stop.”
“I can’t,” she replied, “that’s the only way my German Shepherd fucks.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
One morning two priests head to the showers. It isn’t until they were already in the shower, that they realized they did not bring any soap. Father Bob decides he’ll run back for the soap. Rather than get dressed, he peeks out into the hallway, and since no one is around, he decides to make a run for it.
He gets the two bars of soap and checks the hall before heading back to the showers. All was clear, so he makes a break for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking toward him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he is a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, “Oh my, look at that! Isn’t that the most life-like statue you’ve ever seen?” She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest’s weenie. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
“Oh Heavens,” she exclaims, “I got a bar of soap!”
The second nun is also amazed at how realistic the statue looks, so she steps in for a closer look. She takes a couple of yanks on the priest’s weenie, and he drops the other bar of soap.
“My goodness, I got a bar of soap also!”
The nuns can’t believe it.
The third nun, overcome by the miracle statue, walks up to it and gives a few tugs to the priest’s weenie.
“My God, this is amazing,” she says, “I got liquid soap!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, “Is this a union house?”
“No, I’m sorry, it isn’t,” said the Madame.
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” he asked.
“The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20.”
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. At the second one, he asked the Madame, “Is this a union house?”
“No, I’m sorry, it isn’t,” said the Madame.
“If I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” he asked again.
“The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20.”
Again offended, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. His search continued until he finally reached a brothel where the Madame said, “Why yes, this is a union house.”
“And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” he questioned.
“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”
“That’s more like it!” the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. “I’d like her for the night.”
“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the Madame while gesturing to a grotesque woman in her seventies in the corner, “But Ethel here has seniority.”
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