Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn’t get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. “Now look,” the doctor said, “the
only way you’re going to get it up is to say “beep,” and then to
get it soft again, you say, “beep, beep.”
“How marvelous,” the old man said.
“Yes, but I must warn you,” the doctor said,” it’s only going to
work three times before you die.”
On his way home, the man decided he wasn’t going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. “Beep!” he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, “beep, beep,” and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went “beep,” and the
car in the opposite lane responded with “beep beep.”
Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
“speed it up.” He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. “Honey,” he shouted at her, “don’t ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed.” Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
“beep,” and he was UP.
He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
“What’s all this “beep beep” shit?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A guy is screwing a great looking blonde.
The girl asks, “You haven’t got AIDS have you?”
He replies, “No.”
She responds, “Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don’t want to get that again… !”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well-
endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force
doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to
remedy the situation. The first doctor said, “We’ll just take a
big hunk off the end.” They discussed it and decided that
would affect his sensitivity.
The second doctor said, “We’ll just take a big hunk out of the
middle of it.” They discussed this, and decided it would change
the texture and feel of it.
The third doctor said, “We’ll just take a big hunk off the base of
it.” They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him
erection problems.
The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who
had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, “Can’t we
just make his legs longer?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not
finding his mother in the
kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door,
and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for
lunch, stripped naked,
on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.
Not wanting to
traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Billy watches, and after a
couple of minutes asks,”Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?”
“Of course, Son,
we’re a family.” So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
mother starts
moaning and writhing wildly. “Hang on Dad!”, cries Billy, “this is
where me and the
mailman usually falls off!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Q: What’s white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A: George Michael’s latest release.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, “Do you want to see a magic trick?”
Second guy says, “Sure.”
“OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees.”
Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours.
“There,” says the first one, “… does that feel like you’ve got a thumb up your ass?”
“Yes!”
The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, “Magic!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around
their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank.
Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, “Boys! Boys!
Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your
penis’ away.”
The tallest altar boy turns around and yells, “Sister Margaret, don’t
worry, we know what we’re doing. Father Porter always likes a couple
cold ones after work… “
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice… “
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A bikini is the closest thing to a barbed-wire fence…it protects the property without obstructing any of the view.
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