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Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

An old farmer comes running across field screaming. The farmers wife was at the kitchen window wondering what the hell was going on. He rushes in house and says, “Ma, get in bed I got a hard on.”

She slowly gets undressed and gets in bed. He looses his hard on. He gives her a stern lecture, “Next time I come screaming you be in bed ready!”

Two months later here he comes screaming across field. She sighs and gets in bed. He rushes in and says, “Ma you damn sex maniac get out of bed—the barns on fire!”

A man, named Gerry, asked his doctor if there was a test to see to help him determine if he was gay.

The doctor said, “Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants.”

Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to say 55. The man said “55.”

The doctor then grabbed the man’s penis and told him to say 55. Gerry said “55″.

The doctor then told the man to turn around, and putting a finger in the man’s anus he once again told him to say 55.

Gerry said, “1…2…3…”

A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest
“Will I really sink if you take your finger out?”



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