(This refers to the show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire)
After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love.
She replied with her usual, “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.”
“Hmmmm,” mused Regis, “is that your final answer?”
“Yes, it is,” replied Joy.
Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, “I’d like to phone a friend.”
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, “Were you able to abstain from sex
for the two weeks?”
The old man replies, “No problem at all, Pastor.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church.” said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, “Well, were you able to abstain
from sex for the two weeks?”
The man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.
Welcome to the church.” said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, ‘Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
“Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,”
the young man replied.
“What happened?” inquired the pastor.
“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there.”
“You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church,” stated the pastor.
“That’s OK.” said the young man, “We’re not welcome at Safeway anymore,
Q: What’s the similarity between a blond and a postage stamp?
A: You lick ‘em, stick ‘em, and send them on their way…
Q: What should you say if he asks you “Am I your first”?
A: “You might be – you look familiar”
Q: What’s the worst thing about being a paedophile?
A: Having to go to bed so early!