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Q: Why is a blonde’s coffin y-shaped?

A: Because she is so used to having her legs spread.

Q: 4 gay guys walk into a bar. There is only one 4-legged stool left, how do they sit?

A: They turn it upsidedown.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to.” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband asked as he entered the room.
“Oh, it’s just a statue.” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the “statue.”
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here.” he said to the statue “Eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smith’s for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.”

A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman, so he climbs on top of her.

“Can I turn the light off?” he asks.

“Why?” she replies. “Are you feeling a bit shy?”

“No,” he says. “Because it’s burning my ass!”

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. “Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it to her daughter.
“But then when I have a baby,” the teenager pondered, “won’t it knock all my teeth out?”



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