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Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked out the
window and said: “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining
like hell out there!” Mary cried: “If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!” So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race… so he
started running along side the others – only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: “Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

The other runner then asked the nude man: “Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?”

Ralph answered breathlessly: “Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

The runner then asked: “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

Ralph answered, “Only if it’s raining.”

Q: What is fore play for a blond?

A: When the man says “c’mon baby, hop in the truck”

My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult time
achieving an orgasm.
The Dr said “which position do you use?”
“Doggy style,” said dumb shit.
“why don’t you go home and tonight try it missionary position and see if
that works any better.” said the Dr.
“We’ve tryed that” he said, “but my dogs got such baaadddd breath!”

A gay guy walks into a bar in the Deep South with a huge German Shepherd. When he walks up to the bar and asks for a scotch and water, the bartender looks him over and replies, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”

“Say,” says the gay, “I’m pretty thirsty, and if I don’t get a drink soon I’ll sic my dog Killer on you.”

“Listen, faggot,” snarls the bartender. “Get out of here or I’ll throw you out. And I ain’t scared of your dog!”

“You’ve forced my hand,” says the gay, reaching down to unsnap the leash. “Go, Killer, get him!”

So Killer jumps up on the counter and scratches the bartender’s eyes out.

This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: “I got 12 inches over here you would love to have.”

The female response was: “Well, spit it out. It isn’t yours!”

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