Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a
sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and
says, “This is Stay-Hard spray… put on a little and you can go all
night!”
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and
waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member
and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however,
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down
on the counter, and snaps, “This stuff makes me worse than before!”
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, “I don’t suppose your hid this
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir… this is Easy-Off.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?”
“What? You’re crazy!” she said.
“Look, don’t worry,” he said. “It will be quick, I promise you.”
“Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody…”
“At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it.”
“I’ve already said NO, and NO is final!”
“Honey, it’ll just be a really small blowie… I know you like it too.”
“NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!”
Desperately, he says, “My love, don’t be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob.”
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: “Dad says, ‘Dammit, give him the blowjob or I’ll have to blow him but for God’s sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.’”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her
husband, “you know, You’re really a lousy lover!”
Her husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing
where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.
“Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very
dangerous beast out there!”
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less
seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was
the couple was doing.
“Well, err… if you must know, uh, they were practicing a
brand new form of artificial respiration… yeah, that’s it, it’s
artificial respiration!”
“WOW!” exclaimed the oldest of the group. “I know which
merit badge I’m gonna try for next!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
* A clitoris is a type of flower.
* A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
* “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird.
* Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack.
* A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
* A G-string is part of a fiddle.
* Semen is a term for sailors.
* Anus is a Latin term for sailors.
* Testicles are found on an octopus.
* Asphalt describes rectal problems.
* KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
* Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish.
* Coitus is a musical instrument.
* Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
* An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
* A condom is a large apartment complex.
* An orgasm is a musician who accompanies a church choir.
* A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
* A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
* An erection is when Japanese people vote.
* A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
* Sodomy is a special variety of fast growing grass.
* Pornography is the business of making records.
* Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
* Douche is the French word for “two.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.
Doc. said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, “It’s
that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned
sharp.”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+289)
A pick-up line in a gay bar: “May I push your stool in?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A man needs a room for the night. He stops at an inn and asks for lodgings. The innkeeper says that he doesn’t have any rooms available but there is one big bed in a room that he can share with another man but he must warn him that the man snores so bad that no one can stand it.
The traveler says that would be fine. Next morning he comes down all smiles and tells the innkeeper that he had a great nights sleep.
The innkeeper was shocked and asked the man how he was able to sleep with all that noise.
The man said, “Simple, when I got in the room I leaned over and kissed the man on the cheek and said ‘have a good night, beautiful’. He stayed awake all night watching me.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When
she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans
all gathered around to hear the details. She said,
“Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine.”
“Well? What did he want to do?” they all asked.
She said, “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but
he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow
job would be $75, but he did not have that much either.
Finally I said, ‘Well how much do you have?’ The marine
said he only had $25. So, I told him, ‘For $25, all I
can give you is a hand job.’ He agreed and after getting
the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one
hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one.”
She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues,
“Then I put the first hand above the second hand… ”
“Oh my God!” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge!
Then what did you do?”
“I loaned him $75!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?”
“Hell no!” the guy said.
The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?”
The man said, “Of course not.”
“Wanna go camping?”
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