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Q: What do they call condoms in Germany?

A: Weinerhosen

A body builder walks into a bar, and after a while and a few drinks, picks up a girl, and decided to head back to his place. By the time they got home he saw that the girl was so excited that he rips off his shirt, points to the bulging biceps and says, “See these baby – 1000lbs. of dynamite!”

The girl becomes even more excited. Seeing this, he then tears off his jeans, points to his muscular thighs and says, “See these baby – 1000lbs. of dynamite!”

The girl can hardly contain herself at this point. So finally, he drops his “fruit of the looms”. The girl jumps up and runs for the door, the guy catches up with her and says, “Baby, where are you going?”

She replies, “With 2000lbs. of dynamite and such a short fuse I was afraid you were going to explode!”

Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.
The retired couple said it was no problem at all.
The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.
The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
“Can of PAINT!” exclaimed the minister.
“Yeah,” said the newlywed man. “She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up, I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.”
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
“That’s okay,” said the man. “We’re not welcome in Home Depot either.”

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, “Hello luv, how’s about us going for a walk together.”

“How dare you,” said the woman, “I’m not one of your cheap pickups!”

“Well then,” said the beggar, “What are you doing in my bed?”

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trenchcoats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic.

One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs. When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, “I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!”



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