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Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana – work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don’t lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

Q: If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off my roosters feet, what do you have?

A: Two feet of my cock in your ass.

Now gather round children and I’ll tell a story of old,
When men were brave and women were bold.
It all started a way out west,
To settle the bet of who was best.

Now Old Lill f*cked everything that crawled or creeped,
And piled her victims in a great big heap.
There wasn’t a man for miles around
With a big enough rod to f*ck her down.

Now news of this boast traveled far and wide;
Thousands of rod-toters came and died;
When down from Knoxville came Pisspot Pete,
With eighteen pounds of Swinging Meat.

Eighteen pounds of meat and thirty pounds of cod;
He wasn’t a boy–he was a MAN, by God!
Pete laid it out on the Blue Balls Bar;
I’ll swear it stretched from thar to………..thar.

Stunk like shit, I thought I’d die;
But he just laughed and let it lie.
Gentlemen, countrymen, boys in blue,
Came to witness this terrible screw.

People came from miles afar,
To place their bets at the Blue Balls Bar.
They met the next morning in the middle of the street,
The Mangey Whore and Piss Pot Pete.

Pete greased his dick with a tub of lard,
And he killed a mule trying to work up a hard!
Old Lill warmed up on an old cross-tie;
Oh my God how the splinters did fly!

Pete came down Main Street like a south-bound freight,
And Old Lill knew she had met her fate.
All she could do was to take a seat,
And let old Pete sink his meat.

With a stretching of flesh, and tearing of skin,
Old Pete drove the first two feet in.
Old Lill screamed and clawed at the grass,
And yelled like a panther with a turpentined ass!

Lill let out a scream, “I can’t take any more!”
But Pete pounded away on the smelly old whore.
The earth shook and dark came to the sun;
Pete’s eyes rolled back and he fired off his gun.

When the battle was over and the dust had cleared,
Over forty acres, Lill’s ass was smeared.
Gallons of love were spilled out in the street.
It was so damn sticky, you couldn’t pick up your feet!

Land was torn up for miles around,
Where Old Pete’s balls had drug the ground.
Pete reeled in his dick and pounded his chest;
Got on two horses and rode off West.

As a lasting memory to the great Old Whore,
They hung her drawers on the Bar Room door.
And all the soap this side of hell,
Couldn’t wash away that whorehouse smell!

Now Old Pete died and went to hell:
F*cked the devil and his wife as well!
The little imps screamed and climbed the wall,
Yelling, “Get him out of here before he f*cks us all!”

He f*cked ninety-eight and his balls turned blue,
Then he backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two!

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”
The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

Q: What’s the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader



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