A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn’t know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, “Has anybody got the cock?” All the men stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?” All the women folk stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?” All the nuns stood up.
One night, the waitress in a bar was a bit unsettled that a strange looking man who sat quietly drinking at the bar always seemed to be looking at her intently. Finally, he got up enough nerve to speak to her.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I do hope you don’t mind my looking at you.”
She told him she would rather he didn’t look so hard and that she didn’t consider herself that special.
“Well, you see I am from a far away planet, sent here to observe some things here and I have to go back tonight. So you see, I really haven’t seen anyone like you before. Please just let me look.”
So she said ok, although she thought he was a little nuts. He did mind his manners, didn’t get drunk, and just sat quietly looking.
When it was time to close the bar, he prepared to leave, then walked back to the waitress.
“I know this is strange, but would you please let me see your tits? I’ve never seen anything like this and it would mean so very much to me if I could go home and tell the guys all about you.”
Since everyone but the owner had left and he was in the back room, she finally gave in and unbuttoned her blouse and pulled her tits out of her bra.
“Oh my goodness, that is wonderful! Thank you! Thank you! You don’t know how much this means to me!” When she started to gather her clothes around her again, he asked shyly, “Please, please, let me just touch your tits. It would mean so much to me to be able to tell all the guys about how wonderful you are.”
After a little consideration, she allowed him to touch. He was very gentle and she was beginning to get stirred up by this alien. Then he asked her if she would allow him to make love to her.
Since she was beginning to fancy that notion, she agreed right away. To her surprise, however, he placed his right forefinger in the middle of her forehead quite firmly. As he did so, she could see the passion on his face and he called out, “Aah, ahh, aaaahhhhh.”
Then he took his finger from her forehead. Astonished, she asked him if he’d like to do it again.
Looking at his curled up forefinger, he replied, “Yes, but I’ll have to wait a little while.”
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass…well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. “Young lady,” he began, “I would like three pickets to titsburg…” Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg,” he began, “and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.” So of course he also fled.
Then came the third. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say,” he continued, “if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger’s going to shake his peter at you.”
This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box…and it says….”Snatch Eating Frogs..$20 each (comes with instructions)”
She looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter… “I’ll take one.”
He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog food and is on her way home. She gets home, takes out the instructions and reads them carefully, doing exactly what it says to do.
1. Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.
2. Put on a very sexy teddy.
3. Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down “there.”
To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog. So, she showers again and tries another perfume.
She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and…nothing.
She’s totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper is says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.”
So, she does. The man from behind the counter says, “I’ve had a few complaints earlier today, I’ll be right over.”
After the man got to her house the woman says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.”
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says, “I’M ONLY GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS ONE MORE TIME!”
A stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a Texan, a very busty lady, and a greenhorn from the East.
The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, “Lady, I’ll give you ten dollars for a blowjob.”
The Texan was appalled. He pulled out his pistol, shot the greenhorn right between the eyes, and shoved his body out the door.
The lady gasped and said, “Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!”
The Texan holstered his gun and said, “Your honor, hell! Just trying to keep down inflation. Around here, a blowjob goes for two dollars.”