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On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten get any shoes.

Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie’s feet were in agony.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say, “God, that was tight!”

“There,” whispered the Queen. “I told you she was a virgin.”

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. “Right. Now for the other one.”

Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said, “My God. That was even tighter.”

“That’s my boy,” said the Duke. “Once a sailor, always a sailor!”

When I was 16, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a boy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a boy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting boy, but I couldn’t keep up with him. He rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. He did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a boy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious boy with his feet planted firmly on the ground so I moved in with him. He was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything I owned.

I am older now and am looking for a guy with a very big dick.

Q: Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew them both…

Q: What does a 747 airplane and a woman both have in common?

A: They both have a cockpit.

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
“Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!”



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