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Q: Why was Joan Collins voted “Woman of the Year” by Screw magazine?
A: Because she had more meat between her buns than McDonald’s.

Q: What’s the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?
A: Let everyone go first!

Q: What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A: No one else wants it.

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always gets wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie’s. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”

“Well,” says Sophie, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”

“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.

“Honey,” says Sophie, “On a day like that, I don’t do the laundry.”

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually exited?
A: He’s Breathing.

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