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The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize and decode these key “signs.”

1. Woman won’t unlock car door for man. – Doesn’t engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. – No foreplay.

3. Can’t hail a cab. – Impotent.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. – Prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way. – Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. – Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif. – Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. – Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant. – Will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli. – Won’t swallow.

11. Uses Sweet n’ Low. – Wearing falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order. – Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side. – Will give you a hand job but will not go “all the way.”

14. Gives explicit orders to waiter. – Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

15. Asks for extra rolls. – Will say she’s using birth control when when she’s not, will get pregnant and sue.

16. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as “The lady will have…” – Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn’t.

17. Asks for “the usual” – Insists on missionary position only.

18. Asks what the specials are. – Will want you to use handcuffs.

19. Fills up on bread and crackers. – Premature ejaculator.

20. Doesn’t finish everything on plate. – Has already come.

21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. – Will make you sleep on wet spot.

22. Changes mind after ordering. – Will never call you.

23. Changes tables. – Nymphomaniac.

24. Drinks decaf. – Fakes orgasms (female).

25. Orders in French. – Fakes orgasms (male).

26. Sends food back. – Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. – Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. – Wants a handjob.

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. – Castrating bitch.

30. Wants to split dessert. – Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.

31. Credit card is refused. – Low sperm count.

32. Undertips waiter. – Small penis.

33. Undertips parking valet. – Small penis.

34. Undertips cabbie. – Small penis.

35. Uses toothpick. – Is trying to tell you size isn’t everything.

36. Removable cassette player in car. – Pull outs repeatedly during sex.

37. Cellular phone in car. – Penile implant.

“My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,” mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies.
“No,” says the friend, “people don’t die of syphilis anymore.”
The angry biker replies, “They do when they give it to me!”

Q: Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?

A: Because women don’t get blowjobs while they’re driving.

This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.
An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and
says he’ll give her a ride home.
On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old
broad. I’ll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass”.
She says “What???!!!”. But then thinks that the old age check isn’t due
for 5 more days, so she agrees.
They are lying on the bed after its over having the usual smoke and he
says to her “Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have
offered you $20.00!”
She looks back at him and says “If I had know you could get it up I would
have taken off my pantyhose!”

A man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely
active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses,
masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time.

The doctor asked which he liked best.

He Replied, ” Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of
people in them.”

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