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Q: On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
A: Instead of staring at the bikinis, he’s staring at the beach balls.

While leading a party of girl scouts through the woods in silent Indian fashion, our troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in an indecent act.

“Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!”

But it was too late, several of the kids had more-or-less seen all. They asked their leader what was happening.

“Well, if you… er… must know, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration.”

“WOW!” exclaimed the oldest of the group. “I know which merit badge I’m gonna try for next!”

Q: What does ADIDAS stand for?
A: All Day I Dream About Sex.

What is foreplay?

* The loving before the shoving.

* The petting before the getting.


* The licking before the pricking.

* The stroking before the poking.

* The procrastination & masturbation preceding penetration.

* The lingering and the fingering.

* A premature ejaculators nightmare!

The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it’s time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race: If there’s one rat in a room full of nice men, he’ll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription: Don’t wear your glasses on a blind date. You’ll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It’s a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.

The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he’ll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person’s mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.

The Unintended Result: 1) Men’s desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy. 2) Women’s desire for intimacy often results in sex.

The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.

The Dangle Doctrine: You can’t keep a good man down.

Twain’s Truth: Familiarity breeds children.

The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month… unless they’re single.

The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he’s fallen asleep by the time you’re ready.

© 2015