Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch.
“Well son,” asked Ernie senior, “How is married life treating you?”
“Not very well, I’m afraid,” sighed junior. “It seems I married a nun.”
“A nun?” his father questioned.
“That’s right,” moaned Ernie junior. “None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!”
Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. “Why don’t we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?”
Young Ernie smiled, “Say, Dad, that’s a great idea!”
“Fine,” replied Ernie senior, “I’ll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates.”
A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami.
“Would you like it sliced, sir?” the shopkeeper asked politely.
“What do you think I am?” replied the gay man. “A slot machine?!?”
Q: What do you call a lesbian that has more than one lover?
A: A bush hog!
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman.
“How do you plead?” asked the judge.
“Guilty or not guilty.”
“Not guilty,” replied the man.
“On what grounds?” queried the judge.
“I didn’t think she was dead… I thought she was an American.”
Two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, “Do you want to see a magic trick?”
Second guy says, “Sure.”
“OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees.”
Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours.
“There,” says the first one, “… does that feel like you’ve got a thumb up your ass?”
The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, “Magic!”