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1) Cover your stump before you hump

2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3) Don’t be silly, protect your Willie

4) When in doubt shroud you spout

5) Don’t be a loner, cover your boner

6) You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong

7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it

8) If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey

9) If you go into heat, package your meat

10) Especially in December, gift wrap your member

11) Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake

12) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener

13) If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket

14) No glove, no love

15) Encase that torch before you paint her porch

16) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound

17) It’s always funky to cage your monkey

18) Don’t be a fool cover your tool

19) Can your worm before you squirm

20) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel

21) House your noodle then release your strudel

22) Sock that wanger before you bang her

23) While you’re undressing Venus, dress up your penis

24) Wrap that tool to catch the drool

Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emgerency room to get it out!

So the elephant says to the naked man . . .
“You breathe through that little thing?”

It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.

“Carrie’s not ready yet so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop and a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he ask Carrie’s father to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw, she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well this just made Bobby’s eyes light up and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:


Definition of bad lover:
An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.

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