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Brunette after sex: “Oh that was great! Love you… wanna marry?”
Blonde after sex: “Next!”
Redhead after sex: “Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.”

Q: Did you hear about Ellen Degeneres’ death?
A: She drowned in Rikki Lake!

- In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

- In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

- Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?)

- The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?)

- There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

- In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

- Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England – but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

- In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

- In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

- In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.” (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam, however)

Q: Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?

A: So it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.

A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, “You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me in a jar.”

So the cucumber says, “Yeah, you think that’s bad … whenever I get big, fat and juicy they slice me up and they put me over salad.”

So this penis is walking by and overhears their conversation and says, “You think that your life is tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark smelly room and make me do push ups until I throw up!”



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