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Q: Did you hear about Ellen Degeneres’ death?
A: She drowned in Rikki Lake!

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach.

A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
“Oh, thank you!” said the elephant.
“My, pleasure ma’am.” said the sparrow.
“Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”

The sparrow said, “Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant.”
“Be my guest!”, said the elephant.

So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
“OUCH!”, said the elephant.

Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, “Am I hurting you, dear?”

A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch.

“Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, “and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?”

“As a matter of fact there is,” she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. “Do you have change for a dollar?”

John pulled over the car by the side of the road and
showed Brian where he’d first had sex.
“It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day
plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much
in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,”
“That sounds wonderful,” said Brian.
“Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was
standing right there watching us.”
“Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you
making love to her daughter?”

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for
a soldier and propositioned him.
The Salvation Army gent said, “Ma’am, you may be forgiven,
as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you
familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?”
The hooker replied, “Well, maybe and maybe not. But if
it’s “really” original, it’ll cost you an extra $20.”

© 2015