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Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, “How long before we can have sex?”

The doctor says, “At least wait until he’s walking.”

Chad went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with excitement, Chad agreed.

When they got to the bedroom, Chad exclaimed “Wow! A waterbed. I’ve never had sex on a waterbed before.”

Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him and said, “Before we go any further, don’t you think you should put on some protection?”

“Good idea,” he responded and got up. Chad walked out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver.

There’s a kid who lives on a farm. One day he comes home from school in a really bad mood. Walking to the house, he sees a pig and kicks it. Then he sees a chicken and kicks that.

When he walks in the house his mother, who was watching him through the window, says, “I saw you kick those animals. For kicking the pig, you’ll have no bacon for a week. For kicking the chicken, you’ll have no eggs for a week.”

The kid was about to say something when his father walks through the door, also in a foul mood, and kicks the cat. Then he says to his mother, “You want to tell him or should I?”

Q: What is pink and moist and split in the middle?
A: A grapefruit!

Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a
sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and
says, “This is Stay-Hard spray… put on a little and you can go all
night!”
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and
waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member
and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however,
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down
on the counter, and snaps, “This stuff makes me worse than before!”
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, “I don’t suppose your hid this
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir… this is Easy-Off.”



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