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One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. Later, as they were cuddling, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So he asked her, “What’s the matter, baby?”

Pinocchio’s girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, “You’re probably the best guy I’ve ever met, but every time we make love, you give me splinters.”

This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was bothering Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. As Pinocchio revealed his dilemma, Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to “smooth” out Pinocchio’s relationship with his girlfriend.

Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio’s problems.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, “So Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls.”

To which Pinocchio replied, “GIRLS? WHO NEED GIRLS???”

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.

Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new
Viagra?”

Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.”

“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies.

“Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you
have no one worth writing to.”

The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent
marriage annulled. “On what grounds ?” questioned the Judge, “This
court does not take annulments lightly.”

“Non-virginity,” replied the quarterback, “When I married her, I
thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had
married a wide receiver.”

The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, “Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up.”

A gay man stood up and said, “I did.”

The preacher told him, “Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns.”

Excitedly, the gay guy said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him!”

Condominium – A prophylactic for midgets.



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