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A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
giraffe walked in.
“Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!” “Well, why not try
your luck?” replied
the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
her. Within five
minutes they’re out the door and into the night. The next day, the
lion was drinking in the
bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
and can hardly hold
himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
down his throat and
said, “What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
giraffe, what happened
after that? Was she all right?”
The mouse replied, “Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
dinner, had a couple
of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
night. And oh, man!
I’ve never had a night like it!” “But how come you look like you’re so
exhausted?” asked
the lion. “Well” said the mouse, “between the kissing and the
screwing, I must have run a
thousand miles!”

Q: What’s the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?

A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!

A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.

B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.

C is for the commitment that was never there.

D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.

E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.

F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.

G is also for the spot he could never find!

H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.

I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.

J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.

K is for kinky, he always started without me.

L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.

M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?

N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.

O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.

P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!

Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.

R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.

S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.

T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.

U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.

V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.

W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.

X is what he is to me now!!!!

Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.

Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes
to the right and one drive goes to the left.
The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and
takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but
in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf
bag and looks at her and says, “I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the
way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won’t be able to stand
the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically
ill to the point of total nausea.”
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband “Hey, where’s your ball?”
“It’s over here in the pussy willows.”
The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!!”

Q: What’s the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?
A: One’s a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!

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