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This guy went to the doctors and said: “Doctor, I’m having problems with my sex life!”

Doctor: “What do you mean?”

Guy: “Well, I’m just not getting any.”

Doctor: “Look out the window then.”

Guy: “Oh yeah, I see that convent. Good idea Doctor!”

Doctor: “Yes, but see that patch of mushrooms in front of it?”

The guy looks across and sees a beautiful young nun picking mushrooms.

The doctor then says, “Well, if you go place yourself underneath the mushrooms with only your dick sticking out, you certainly won’t regret it.”

The next morning, the guy is lying underneath the patch of mushrooms, with his dick sticking out, as the doctor had said, and the most beautiful young nun walks along with a basket.

She starts picking mushrooms, while singing a little song: “One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four…, four…, four…, four…”

The guy cannot believe it; he is enjoying this so much.

That night while down at the pub, he is telling his story to his mates and one of them (who is very drunk) decides to go and try this out for himself.

So, that night he goes down to the convent, and places himself underneath the patch of mushrooms, and leaves his dick sticking out. In the morning, the fattest, most repulsive and butch nun comes along with her basket.

She starts to pick mushrooms, while singing the same song: “One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four…, four…, four…, FOUR little mushrooms for my basket, five little mushrooms for my basket…”

Up With The Petticoat,
Down With The Pants.
In With The Pecker,
Everybody Dance.

Girls With Rags On,
Up Against The Walls.
Guys With A Hard On,
Promenade The Halls.

Girls Grab Your Partners
Firmly By The Balls.
Drag Him Down The
Length Of The Halls.

Make Him Holler,
Make Him Shout.
Put Your Pretty Ass
Up Against His Snout

First Lady Go
Second Lady Pass
Third Lady’s Finger
Up The Fourth Guy’s Ass

Finger Out
Promenade The Halls
Now Release The
Poor Guy’s Balls

Then Down With The Petticoat
Up With The Pants
This Is The End Of
The New Square Dance!

Q: Why didn’t Dolly Parton ever take up stage acting?
A: They all said she’d be a big bust on Broadway.

What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge
display with a sign saying “Newly translated from the original French:
37 mating positions.” Noticing that the books were already wrapped in
plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.

Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found
that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.

Did you hear about the three gay guys who attacked a woman?
Two held her down while the other did her hair.

© 2015