These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years.
The first guy asks the second guy, “How have things been going?”
Second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, “I w a s a l m o s t m a r r i e d.”
The first guy says in amazement, “Hey, you don’t stutter any more.”
The answer comes, “Y e s I w e n t t o a d o c t o r a n d h e t o l d m e t h a t i f I
s p e a k s l o w l y I w i l l n o t s t u t t e r.”
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married.
“W e l l m y f i a n c e e a n d I w e r e s i t t i n g o n h e r p o r c h a n d t h e d o g w a s s c r a t c h i n g h i s b a c k a n d I t o l d h e r t h a t w h e n w e a r e m a r r i e d
s h e c a n d o t h a t f o r m e a n d s h e t h r e w t h e r i n g i n m y f a c e.”
“Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?” asks the first friend.
“W e l l, I s p e a k s o s l o w l y t h a t b y t h e t i m e s h e l o o k e d a t t h e d o g,
h e w a s l i c k i n g h i s b a l l s!”
A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road side damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute when they witnessed a Protestant Reverend lurking about and then ducking into the house.
“Would ya look at that Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads in disgust and continued their work.
A short time later they watched as a Jewish Rabbi looked around himself cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one had spied him.
“Did ya see that Darby?” Pat asked the other in shock and disbelief. “Is nothing holy to those Jewish people? I just can’t understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. ‘Tis a shame, I tell ya!”
Not long had passed when they saw a third man, a Catholic Priest, lurking about the house looking around to see if any one was watching and then quietly sneaking in the door.
“Oh no, Darby look!” Said Pat removing his cap. “One of the poor girls musta died!!”
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
“Father, I am sinful.”
“Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.”
“Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend. It’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house and nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.”
“That’s bad my boy. Fortunately you realize your mistake.”
“Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.”
“That’s not very good of you.”
“Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her. Nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.”
“Father? ……… Father?” suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father. He walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.
“Father? Where are you?”
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.
“Father, why are you hiding here?”
“Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me.”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let
you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick
aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
Q: How can you tell when your house has been burglarized by gays?
A: When you come home, you discover that your jewelry is missing, and all your furniture has been tastefully rearranged.