Joke's Database
Have fun of 100257 entries!

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

There were two gay guys living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it.

Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.

The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, “What in the hell are you doing?”

The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, “Don’t you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?”

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.

“No thanks,” the girl says. “You know I don’t smoke.”

There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling.

So what’s the problem?

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?” she asks, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors,” he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course,” says the man proudly.

The wife responds, “Really, why don’t you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!”

The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her
students on sexual morality. “In moments of temptation,” said the speaker
to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure
worth a lifetime of shame?”
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: “How do you make
it last an hour?”

A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip.
Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company.
Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker
says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s
for a hand job.” “$500 for a hand job? Why, that’s outrageous!” the man
exclaimed. ” No hand job in the world could be worth $500!” The hooker
summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below.
“See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can
do with my hands.” Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 and
sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual
experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, “God
that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?” “$2500,” the hooker replied.
“$2500 for a blowjob?” Cried the astonished man. “That’s way too much!”
Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across
the street. “Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there?
I own that because of what I can do with my mouth.” ” Oh no,” moans the man,
“this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it.” Once again the hooker
takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure
he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified.
As soon as the man can speak again, he says, “I just have to know. How much
do you get for pussy?” The hooker drags the man to the window for a third
time, points and proclaims, “Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on
the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!”

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were
popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red
blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from
back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker
kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, “Lady, I’ll
give you $10 for a blow job.”
The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the
city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, “Thank you, suh, for
defendin’ mah honor!” Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said,
“Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in
Texas!”

To determine your personality check the gift you’d most like to get:

1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Sex
5. Dinner/Dancing
6. Waffle iron

If you answered…

1. CANDY

It means that… You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share… OR you’re a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.

2. FLOWERS

It means that… You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture… OR you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.

3. A SWEET POEM

It means that… You’re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word… OR you’re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.

4. SEX

It means that…You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful… OR you’re a filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience after another.

5. DINNER/DANCING

It means that… You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight… OR you’re easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor.

6. WAFFLE IRON

It means that… You’re a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use… OR you have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant sexual fetish involving kitchen appliances.

One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor,
to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you
look so depressed.
She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me… six
dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to
spend this whole weekend on my back with my legs spread.
Now that’s really silly, why don’t you use a vase?

© 2013 ifundb.com
Log in |