- Older ones are not in demand.
- They’re well worth looking over.
- They have a great deal of influence.
- You can’t believe everything they say.
- They always have the last word.
- You should really get your own and not go borrowing your neighbor’s.
“Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?”
“I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered
huskily, “… undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until
“Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two hello’s?”
A guy’s fingering his girlfriend.
She says, “Would you take off your ring? It’s hurting me.”
He says, “That’s not my ring… It’s my wristwatch.”
Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual “equipment.”
Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this:
* Warning!: These cigarettes are king size — how about you?
* Warning!: Smoking sections in restaurants aren’t the only things getting smaller.
* Warning!: If you don’t reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.
* Warning!: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.
* Warning!: Smoke rises, but you may not.
* Warning!: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children — That is… if you’re capable of conceiving any.
* Warning!: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff — so do you.
* Warning!: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there’s no before?
* Warning!: The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub.
* Warning!: Don’t throw lit cigarettes in the urinal — you might not have the range to put them out.
Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a
prescription for the Pill.”
“I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.”
“It relaxes me.”
“But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for
relaxing,” exclaimed the physician.
“I know,” said Mrs Ogden, “but my daughter dates, and every
morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel
This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue’s starting to feel good in her mouth.
A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”
Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it.
The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter and called him back. “Please set this error straight before tomorrow,” she begged. “There’s an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!”
“Of course, Sister,” he said. “I’ll get you out of there right away.”
Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning he received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver and heard, “Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. NEVER MIND!”
This guy and his girlfriend are fighting… she says “I’m breaking up with you.”
“Why?” he asks.
She says “because you are a pedophile”.
He says “Pedophile? Hmmmm that’s an awfully big word for a 10 year old.”