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One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon,” he said to the bartender.

“We got her,” replied the bartender. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.”

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers . He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon.”

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “You found her!”

Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner.

“I don’t,” replied the hooker. “But I thought you might want to open those beers first.”

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had 24 hours to live.
“Of course Darling,” she replied.
And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and says, “you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?”
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, “You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?”
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, “Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?”
She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, “You know… you don’t have to get up in the morning. I do!!!”

Q: What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A: A scrotum pole!

Kissing is a habit,
screwing is a game,
boys get all the pleasure,
girls get all the pain.

He says he loves you
and you believe it’s true,
but when your stomach starts to swell
he says the hell with you!!!

16 minutes of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
3 days in the hospital,
a baby with no name.

The baby is a bastard
the mother is a whore,
it never would of happened
if the rubber hadn’t tore!

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said,
“Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?”
“Why Yes, John, that would be nice,” said Marie.

Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. All week long he polished up his
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at
Marie said, “Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?”

“Oh, no, John, “said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner.
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, Marie,” said John, “Would you like a smoke?”

“Oh, no, John,” said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He’d
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

“Hey, Marie,” said John, “how would you like to stop at this motel with
me?”

“Sure, John, that would be nice,” said Marie.

Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and
checked in with Marie.

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in
the bed.

“What have I done? What have I done?” thought John.

He shook Marie and she woke up. “Marie, I’ve got to ask you one thing,
said John. “What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”

Marie said, “The same thing I always tell them… You don’t have
to smoke and drink to have a good time.



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