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In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory.

While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper.

After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional…that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.

About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, “Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy laddle. You don’t suppose he took it, do you?”

The Pastor said, “Well, I doubt it but I’ll write him a letter.” So he sat down and wrote, “Dear Father, I’m not saying you did take the gravy laddle and I’m not saying you did not take the gravy laddle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner.”

The young assistant received the letter, and he answered it as follows: “Dear Father Pastor, I’m not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I’m not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy laddle.”

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, “My dad’s tougher than your dad!”
“Oh yeah?” said Little Johnny, “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for
dinner!”
“Really?”
Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn out the light, I
wanna eat it!’”

A husband from Long Island, kissed his wife goodbye and got into his Cadillac to drive to work in New York City. He’d gone about a mile when he remembered that he’d left something in the bedroom. So he turned the car around and drove back home.
When he walked into the bedroom, there was his wife, lying totally nude on the bed and the neighbor standing totally nude beside her.
The quick-thinking neighbor promptly went into a squatting position on the rug and said, “I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Jones, because I was just telling you wife that if she doesn’t pay the milk bill, I’m gonna shit all over the floor.”

A bikini is the closest thing to a barbed-wire fence…it protects the property without obstructing any of the view.

A truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give
him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted
on his dash and asks him what it’s for. He replies “Oh that’s a
conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots
of pussy that way” The other driver thinks that’s a great idea so he
paints a red spot on his dash too. Then he sees a girl hitchhiking so
he picks her up. She notices the red spot on the dash and asks him
what it’s for. He says “It’s a conversation piece. You wanna fuck?”



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