This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She
asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something
unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy
Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. “It’s a very handy thing,” God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability”.
Adam jumped up and blurted, “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to! Please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It’d be so great! When I’m out working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly! It’d be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please!!”
On and on he went, like an excited little boy who… , well… had to pee.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, and she really wouldn’t mind if Adam were the one given this ability. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his micturation while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.
“Fine,” God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, “What’s left in here?”
“Oh yes,” he said, “Multiple orgasms… “
Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache.
Three hookers of varying ages were standing around, discussing their profession. The middle aged one said: “So, how’s business?”
“Awful!” replied the young one. “All anybody wants is blow jobs!”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the mid-lifer. “It’s easy work, a quick turn over, and you can make more money that way.”
“That’s just the problem,” exclaimed the young lady, “I can’t get more than $20.00 for a blow job! How can I make any money that way?”
“Oh,” she replied, shrugging, “that’s nothing. When I started working, we only got $10.00 for a blow job!”
At this point the old hooker chimed in. “You kids have it so easy! Why, back in my day, we had to give blow jobs for free! And we were glad to get something warm in our bellies, too!”
Q: Did you know that Rock Hudson had his auto insurance canceled three times?
A: He kept getting rear-ended.