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Once upon a time, there were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Vito and the other was Vladimir.

Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladamir had no success.

Vladamir: “Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?”

Vito: “Well, I’ll tell ya! But it’s a secret . . just between you and me. I don’t want my system to become too public.”

Vladamir: “OK. Its a deal.”

Vito: “You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedos bathing suit. When the women see it they come running from miles around.”

Vladamir: “That’s it? I can do that.”

The next day, Vladamir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedos.

As he walked out onto the beach he immediately noticed that women AND men began to take notice of him.

“Its working, he thought.”

But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him.

He rushed over to Vito and asked, “Vito, what’s the problem? Why isn’t it working?”

Vito: “Because your supposed to put the potato in the front.”

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, “Driver, I don’t
have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?”
The driver said, “Sure.” He got out of the car and proceeded to change
the tire, but couldn’t get the wheel cover off. The model saw him
struggling and asked, “Do you want a screwdriver?”
He said “Sure! But, first I have to change this tire.”

How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt…
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she’s been fucking too much..

Mongo’s old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties.
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
“Hi hon,” she purred sexily. “Y’all want
some of this?”
“Hell, no!” he hollered. “Look at what it’s
done to your undies!”

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took
$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
“Thanks,” she said. “But I only charge $20.”
“Twenty bucks for the entire night?” the amazed MP replied. “You can’t
make a living on that.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” the whore replied. “I do a little blackmail on the
side!”



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