The clerk showed the fellow the store’s most expensive perfume. “This is called ‘Perhaps’,” said the sales clerk. “It’s $285 per ounce.”
“Listen,” the fellow shot back, “for $285 an ounce, I don’t want something called ‘Perhaps; I want something called, “You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some!”
The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her
students on sexual morality. “In moments of temptation,” said the speaker
to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure
worth a lifetime of shame?”
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: “How do you make
it last an hour?”
Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the
inspection. The first one
says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter
says:”You see the bowl
of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to
confess, I held
mans penis in both hands.” St. Peter:”Wash both your hands and go in.
other two start fighting, something terrible. St.Peter goes there,
pulls them apart, asks
*What’s going on? One of them shouts I want to gargle, before she
washes her ass in
The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of love making. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn’t help but wonder why she wasn’t already in one.
“I can’t help feeling that we’ve met before,” he said.
“Yeah, I know,” sighed the girl stretching. “It happens to me a lot. I think they call this ‘deja screw’.”
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, “My hands are freezing cold.”
The mother replied, “Put your hands between your legs,the body heat will warm them up.” So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
A few days later, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, “My hands are freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up.”
The next day, the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, “My nose is freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put it between my legs, it will warm up.” He did, and his nose quickly warmed up.
Again, the next day, the boyfriend is driving with the daughter and he told her, “My penis is frozen solid.” She once again, gave her standard advice.
Later that day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her Mother. She asked, “Mother, have you ever heard of a penis?”
The slightly concerned Mother replied, “Sure, but why do you ask?”
The daughter answered, “Well, I just wondered……do they always make such a big mess when they thaw out?”