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1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.

2. Nothing is free.

3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.

4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.

5. It’s perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.

6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won’t get sued for it.

7. Keep those hard-earned pounds — do nothing!

8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.

9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.

10. Chances are, you won’t feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.

11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won’t lead to any embarrassing situations later on.

12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.

13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.

14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.

15. PMS won’t keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).

16. Being “in the mood” to do nothing is no big effort.

17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.

18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.

19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.

20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”

The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.”

The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your grandma.”

* You don’t have to look your best.

* You never have to say “I love you”, promise to mow the lawn, buy flowers/dinner, lie about the size of your hand’s, etc.

* If you use your other hand it feels like someone else.

* You can use both hands and have and orgy.

* You don’t have to promise to call in the morning.

* As long as you’re careful you’ll never end up with the wet spot.

* You can make it last for hours, if you do it a certain way.

* You can do it wherever there is a public toilet which has a private cubical.

* You don’t need to make an appointment in advance.

* It doesn’t really make you go blind, not unless your hand slides off the end and you poke yourself in the eye.

* It’s cheaper…you don’t have to use those pesky condoms.

A few years ago a man who was openly gay was elected as Mayor of Key West, Florida. After the election results were in, a hoard of reporters surrounded him and began asking him questions on how he won. A young reporter walked up to him and said,

“Mr. Mayor, I understand that you used a basic grass roots campaign to win, met lots of people, shook lots of hands, kissed lots of babies. I even heard that you kissed a parakeet.”

The Mayor replied, “That’s right young man. I brought the campaign to the people, but I must correct you on one point, I did not kiss a parakeet … I kissed a Cock-or-two.”

Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be cast off
on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one
chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. “Never heard
of her.” his companions protested. “Who is she?” “Why she’s just the
greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper,”
replied the third man. “See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING
VIRGINIA PIPELINE”



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