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One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, “We’re learning about sexual education.”
She smiled, and said, “At least he’s learning something usefull.”
Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. She opens his door and sees him jerking off.
She says, “Billy, when you’re done with your homework, supper’s on the table.”

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?”

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!”

“Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”

- You’ve slept with Geraldo Rivera.

- You become a Vaseline spokesperson.

- You go through a Sealy Mattress ™ a week.

- Frederick actually comes to your door himself just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.

- When people say, “Ho, Ho, Ho” and it’s July.

- Your baby looks familiar, but like who?

- When they change your # to 976.

- Tetracycline is your best friend.

- McDonald’s calls you “The Happy Meal.”

- Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.

- When you’ve got a “Take a Number” machine at your door.

- When getting dressed is not part of your day.

- Your day starts and ends by rolling over.

- When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.

- When you’re wearing more latex than spandex.

- When your ceiling mirrors fog.

- When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.

- When you have a neon sign saying, “Open All Night.”

- You want to have your name changed to Misty.

- Madonna comes to you for pointers.

- When your favorite quote is, “Next please.”

- When Guinness Book starts calling.

- When every song reminds you of someone, but who?

- When he doesn’t even have to buy you a drink.

- When you have a room key to every hotel in town.

- When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.

- Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.

- The only place you haven’t had sex is on the moon.

- When soft foods have become distasteful.

- When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.

- When other women begin to call you, “Man’s Best Friend.”

- You and Prince have already made 3 records.

Q: What’s another term for cunnilingus?
A: Genital Slurpees.

Q: What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?

A: “Not according to Dad.”

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