Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Hetty suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it.
“What on earth did you do that for? It really hurts.” he shouts at her.
Hetty replies, “That’s for 50 years of poor sex.”
Maurice thinks for a while and then takes his walking stick and hits Hetty hard across her tuchus with it.
“Ouch,” she screams. “What was that for?”
Maurice looks at her and replies, “That’s for knowing the difference.”
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The Dad responded very slowly and caringly
to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied, “Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute later, Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma, “I don’t know about you Ma, but I just don’t get too much out of this oral sex stuff!”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let
you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick
aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
Back in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned
to his friend, and said, “Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great.
Now I’ll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.’ `Why?’
says her friend. `Don’t you have a vase?’”
They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling
“What was that?” starts Hefner’s friend.
“Oh, probably just the umbrella stand… “