A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground.
“That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.”
“Listen, bud,” replied the boy squirrel. “Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love?”
The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They
got to talk to the
“Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?”
“Sorry”, she replies, “but there are no dwarf nuns here”.
“Well, are there any in the city?”.
“No, there are no dwarf nuns”.
“What, none anywhere in Europe?”
“No, little man”. “None in the entire world”. “Take my word for it”.
At this 6 of the seven dwarves burst out laughing.
The Mother Superior asks “What’s so funny?”. “Dopey just fucked a
The spaceship crashed, but the two glowing Martians survived and set out to find a way home. They walked through the forests, through the fields and finally came into the city. They stopped at an intersection and began to shake and moan at the mere sight of a green light. Suddenly, the light turned from green to yellow and then to red.
Turning to his traveling companion, one Martian said disgustedly, “Let’s get out of here. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a woman who’s a tease.”
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local
bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear
about his wedding night.
Jake says, “Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up
the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so’s
me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of
my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her.”
The bartender says, “Why did it take three sons to get you off?”
Jake says, “I fought ‘em.”
Susie was desperate for her new husband to go down on her. After everything from subtle innuendo to outright begging had failed, she finally resorted to trickery.
“Honey,” she called breathily from the bedroom one night, “Can you help me a sec? I’ve got a tampon stuck inside me. I’m sure you can get it out if you use your teeth.”
Disgusted, the husband pulled the diamond engagement right off her finger and pushed it way up inside her.
“Owwww!” yelped the young bride. “What did you do that for?”
“You really expect me to go poking around down there,” snarled her husband, “for a lousy tampon?