As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked “Registration” and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.
“Exactly what do you do here?” he asked.
“It’s quite simple,” said the receptionist. “This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature.”
“Cool,” said the guy. “Count me in!” So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, “Beware of Gays.” A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: “Beware of Gays.”
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, “Sorry, you’ve had two warnings!”
A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a
beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how
much it would cost to repair the condom.
The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot
welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he
could sell the private a new one.
The private said, “Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in
two hours with an answer.”
Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:
“The regiment has voted to replace.”
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next
morning found out that she was six months pregnant.
Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker,
and he says, “How much?”
She says, “Twenty bucks.”
He says, “All right.”
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he
runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time
while he’s banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get
done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says, “What the extra five?”
He says, “That’s for blowing the sand off my balls.”
A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.
When they arrived at her house, they went right into her bedroom. The guy saw that the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them all over the place. Giant stuffed animals were on top of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill, and a lot of smaller stuffed animals were on the bottom shelf.
Much later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked, “So … how was I?”
“Well,” she said, “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”