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Q: How do you re-sleeve a prostitue?

A: Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.

Q: Why did the blond have lipstick on her steering wheel?

A: She tried to blow the horn

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair
of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said,
“But you just got a new pair last month!”
“Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,”
stammered the private.
“Accident, what kind of an accident?” The Captain looked in his
book of Accident definitions and glossaries, “Road-march
accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?”
“No, no nothing of those… ” said the private.
“Well then, what is it?”
“I’d rather not tell you sir… ”
“Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses,” said the
medical officer, ready to stand up, “I’ve to see my patients
“No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl,”
blurted the private.
“Don’t be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing
a girl?”
“You see, she crossed her legs… “

Q: Who was that baby I saw you with last night?
A: That was no baby, that was my senator!

One day Billy Bob goes to town wearing nothing but his gun belt and boots.

The sheriff spots him and asks, “What the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?”

B.B. replies, “Well sheriff, it’s a long story. Me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin’. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissin’ and a-cuddlin’ and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, Mary Lou said we should go up on the hill. So we did. Up on the hill we started a-kissin’ and a-cuddlin’ and then, all of a sudden, Mary Lou up and took off all her clothes and said I should take off mine, too. So I took off all my clothes, ‘cept for my gun belt and my boots. Mary Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and then, for some strange reason she said, “Billy Bob, go to town!”

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