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Q: Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
A: Is it in?

My wife must be a sex object because every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says, “Oh yeah, Oh yeah!”

Then the first guy turns around and says, ” Hey Paul, shut up!”

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, “Yeah baby..mmmm….yeah!”

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, “Hey Paul, where’s all your excitement now?”

Paul says, “All over your back!”

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

“Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of
you.”

“All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You
undress and tell me when you’re through.”

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: “Doctor,
I’ve undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?”

“Put them on the chair, on top of mine.”

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” God said.

Adam looked at God and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”

Smiling, God explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”

God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time.”

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something unusual.
The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

Confucious say: “Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand.”

Uncle Jack and Aunty Mable
Fainted at the breakfast table.

Let this be an awful warning…
Not to do it in the morning.

Ovaltine has put them right,
Now they do it morn and night.

Uncle Jack is hoping soon
To do it in the afternoon.

Hark the herald angels sing,
Ovaltine is a damned good thing!

The sex of a bee is hard to see
But he can tell and so can she.
The queen is quite a busy soul
She has no time for birth control.
And that is why in times like these,
There are so many sons of bees.

There are these two gay guys who decide they want to have a baby. So they found an obliging lesbian, have her impregnated by sperm donation, and are simply thrilled when she gives birth to a seven-pound baby boy.

They rush to the hospital for the first viewing of their son, standing with their noses pressed against the glass of the nursery window and surveying the row upon row of squalling infants. Except for one quiet, clean little baby, cooing softly to itself amid all the chaos.

Sure enough, when the gays ask to see their son, the nurse heads for the quiet baby and brings him over for the proud parents to ogle. “Gee,” said one of them to the nurse, “He sure is well behaved compared to the rest of those howling brats, isn’t he?”

“Oh, he’s quiet now,” said the nurse, “But he squalls like all the rest when I take the pacifier out of his ass.”

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