Three gays were discussing what they thought their favorite sport would be. The first decides on football, ’cause of all those gorgeous guys bending over in their tight pants.
“Definitely wrestling,” sighs the second guy. “Those skimpy little costumes, and think of the holds.”
“Definitely baseball,” says the third guy. “Why? Well, I’d be pitching with the bases loaded, the batter would hit a line drive right to me, I’d catch it, and I’d just stand there while the other guys rounded the bases. Meanwhile the crowd would be going crazy, screaming, ‘Throw the ball, you cocksucker!’ and that’s what I like – the recognition.”
“Who Needs Food?”
It’s breakfast time. Sadie asks her husband Moishe, “Would you like some scrambled eggs, perhaps a piece of toast and grapefruit and coffee to follow?”
Moishe replies, “No thanks, it’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, Sadie asks Moishe if he would like something to eat. “How about a bowl of your favourite home made vegetable soup, followed by a cheese and tomato sandwich on rye?” she inquires.
Moishe again declines. “It’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
Come dinnertime, Sadie asks Moishe if he wants anything to eat. She’ll go to the delicatessen and buy him some food. Would he like a nice juicy lamb chop with a tasty stir-fry followed by apple pie and cream?
Again, Moishe says, “No thanks, it’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well,” Sadie says, “Would you mind getting off me and letting me up? I’m starving.”
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s just finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Leon… Your neighbor from four miles away… Having a party Saturday… thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Sam. “After six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Leon is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’.”
“Not a problem… after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”
Again, as he starts to leave Leon stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Leon turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem,” says Sam, “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there…by the way, what should I wear?”
Leon stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”
Did you know that the night Santa first met his future
wife he uttered the now famous words:
“Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to meet you.”
Q: What’s the brunette’s mating call?
Brunette: “Who’s next?”
Blonde: “I thought you said I was sexier than that brunette bitch?!”
Redhead: “Better start chewing some vitamins kid.”