A man named Mike went over to his friend’s house and rang the bell. His friend’s wife, Nora, answered the door.
“Hi, is Tony home?” he asked her.
“No, he went to the store.”
“Well, you mind if I wait?”
“No, come on in.”
They sat down and shortly Mike said, “You know, Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could see just one.”
Nora thought about this for a second, and thought about how badly they needed the money right now. She opened her robe and exposed one. Mike promptly thanked her and put $100 on the table.
They sat there a while longer, and Mike said, “They are so beautiful! I’d love to see the both of them. I’ll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see both of them together.”
Nora thought about this for a moment, then opened her robe and gave Mike a nice big look. Mike thanked her and threw another $100 on the table. Then he said he couldn’t wait any longer for Tony and left.
A while later, Tony arrived and Nora said, “You know, your weird friend Mike came over while you were gone.”
Tony turned and said, “Good. Did he drop off the $200 he owed me?”
You know you’ve had a good blow job when…
1) You have to pull the sheets out of your butt when she is done.
2) Your pecker has the dry heaves for three days afterward.
3) The head of your pecker is twice the size of your balls.
A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”
Q: Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
A: NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever!
A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play”
The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar.The octopus’ owner pockets the $50
Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50.
The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, “Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I’ll give you $100.”
The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes over and says “What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing!”
The octopus says, “Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna screw it!”