Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man’s penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell…
“Oh Patrick,” says the Monsignor, “I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness.”
As Patrick leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell…
“Joseph, Joseph,” sighs the Monsignor. “You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness.”
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.
“James, my son, I am truly proud of you,” says the Monsignor. “Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower.”
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell…
I’m not saying that my wife was naive when we got married, but… she thought “kinky sex” involved her wearing hair curlers to bed.
A naive young girl goes into the doctor’s office. She says, “Doc, I’m
getting married and
I’m a little inexperienced, so I’d like to ask you a few questions.”
He says, “All right.”
She says, “All right… what is that thing that hangs between my
Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Hetty suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it.
“What on earth did you do that for? It really hurts.” he shouts at her.
Hetty replies, “That’s for 50 years of poor sex.”
Maurice thinks for a while and then takes his walking stick and hits Hetty hard across her tuchus with it.
“Ouch,” she screams. “What was that for?”
Maurice looks at her and replies, “That’s for knowing the difference.”
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The Dad responded very slowly and caringly
to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied, “Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”