Did you know there are serial number on condoms… No?.
I guess you didn’t roll them down far enough.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back
of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
“And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife,
when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
“Down at the office,” he replied, “working like a dog.”
Q: Mom’s have Mother’s Day, father’s have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
Q: What two words will clear out a men’s restroom?
A: “Nice Dick!”
This guy and his girlfriend are fighting… she says “I’m breaking up with you.”
“Why?” he asks.
She says “because you are a pedophile”.
He says “Pedophile? Hmmmm that’s an awfully big word for a 10 year old.”
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in
love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never
achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they
decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
“Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and
should bring on an orgasm.”
They go home and follow the rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn’t help and
she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
“Okay”, says the rabbi, “let’s try it reversed. Have the young man make
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.”
Once again, they follow the rabbi’s advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,
“You see, THAT’S the way to wave a towel!”
A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says he wants 69. His wife says, “Why you want Beef and Broccoli now?”
Even KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new, year 2000 compliant, product: “Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!”
A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus
The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
and starts playing the guitar.The octopus’ owner pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn,
loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been
watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few Moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, “Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I’ll give you $100.”
The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes over and says “What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing!”
The octopus says, “Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna screw it!”