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Q: What’s a famous saying at a gay bar?

A: May I push in your stool.

An old desert rat named Burdew
Came to town one day for a screw.
He threw down a quarter
And drawled out, “That orter
Cover a quick poke or two.”

The madam looked very askance
At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
His scruffy gray beard,
The eyes that went weird,
And the odor that wasn’t from France.

“Ol” fella,” she said with a grin,
“For a quarter, I’ll let you right in
To a room that’s just ripe
For a man of your type
And a gal that’s ideal for your sin.”

The prospector’s eyes went aglow
As the fire began burning below.
His hands started shaking
And his knees were aquaking.
It was plain he was rarin’ to go.

So they led him out back of the place
To a shed with just enough space
For the fattest pink sow,
He’d seen anyhow
With a sorta’ sweet smile on her face.

Burdew shoved everyone aside,
Slammed the door and was quickly astride
His porky delight
Where he spent the whole night
In a passionate piggyback ride!

At daybreak, Burdew poked his head
Out of the tumbledown shed
With a satisfied sigh,
He said, “Miss Piggy and I
Will be having our breakfast in bed.”

A guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in
it. He turns around to
push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her
breast. He says, “Oh, I’m
so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be
able to forgive me.” She
looks at him a few seconds and says, “That’s all right. If your penis
is as hard as your
elbow, I’m in room 204.”

A guy says, “I remember the first time I used
alcohol as a substitute for women.”
“Yeah what happened?” asked his friend.
The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my
penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”

A Scottish man was taking a stroll down a country lane, where he meets up with a curious lady. She walks up to him and says, “They tell me that you people don’t wear anything under those kilts.”

The Scotsman says, “Feel and see for yourself.”

So she did and says, “Oh, that’s gruesome!”

He says, “Try it again, it grew some more!”

© 2015