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Q: What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?
A: A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawl.

Q: What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
A: “Stand back …. I don’t know how big this thing is going to grow!”

Uncle Jack and Aunty Mable
Fainted at the breakfast table.

Let this be an awful warning…
Not to do it in the morning.

Ovaltine has put them right,
Now they do it morn and night.

Uncle Jack is hoping soon
To do it in the afternoon.

Hark the herald angels sing,
Ovaltine is a damned good thing!

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up
to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on
her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test
to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” She blows up the
balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, “It looks like you’ve had a
couple of stiff ones.” She replies “You mean it shows that, too?”

Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.

“I entertained a cowboy last night,” says the first.

“How did you know he was a cowboy?” asks the second.

“Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together.”

“Sounds like a cowboy, all right,” the others say.

“I entertained a lawyer,” announces the second. “I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time.”

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

“I had a dirt farmer for a client,” comments the third.

“How could you possibly know he was a dirt farmer?” she is asked.

“First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the fall.”



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