An exhibitionist named Joe, was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta. As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way, a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes. As she reached toward him for his boarding pass, he opened his raincoat and exposed himself.
“I’m sorry sir,” she said politely, “but you have to show your ticket here, not your stub.”
Confucious say: “Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand.”
Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you Ma.”
A minute later, Ma says to Pa, “Screw you Pa.”
A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma, “I don’t know about you Ma, but I just don’t get too much out of this oral sex stuff!”
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy’s lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do need to pee.”
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK. Why don’t you go behind this hedge.”
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, “My God Mary … have you changed your sex?”
“No,” she replies. “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”
The company president called the chief security guard into his office.
“Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.”
Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, “I’m sorry, Sir. I won’t do it again.”
The company president said, “I’m sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that.”
Chuck’s face lit up. “Ms Jones?! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!”