Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to
a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the ‘Lonely Hearts’ column.
“Well, madam,” the assistant said, “we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion.”
“You don’t say,” said the spinster “Well then, here’s $20 and to hell
with the advertisement!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.” Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn’t worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and blah blah
blah. Finally the doctor asks “When did you first
begin to think you were impotent?”
“Three times last night, and again this morning.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814), Technology (+1817)
10) If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name.
9) Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.
8) If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.
7) You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing yourself.
6) Viagra! Who needs Viagra?
5) Your partner could have more of a personality than your inflatable friends.
4) Three words: No shotgun weddings.
3) All guys look like George Clooney and all woman like Pamela Anderson.
2) They never have to know you live in your parents basement.
1) If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
“We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.”
The next woman says “I am too but we use the rhythm
method.”
The third woman says “We use the bucket and saucer
method.”
“What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?”, the others
ask.
“Well, I’m five foot eleven… and my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from
under him.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”"Very good, William,” cooed the teacher. “My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther. “Oh, that’s nice,” replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation the teacher calls on him. “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.
And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.” The teacher was relieved but puzzled, “And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?” “It’ll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Q: What’s white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A: George Michael’s latest release.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a
sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and
says, “This is Stay-Hard spray… put on a little and you can go all
night!”
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and
waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member
and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however,
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down
on the counter, and snaps, “This stuff makes me worse than before!”
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, “I don’t suppose your hid this
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir… this is Easy-Off.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl says, “What’s under there?”
So the man answers, “A bird.”
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, “What happened?”
The man answers, “I don’t know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl.”
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses. When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, “I didn’t do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs!!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4814)
Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her
husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her
next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’re
finally together.”
A guy sitting in the front row says, “Excuse me Father, but do you mean
her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?”
The priest says, “I mean her legs.”
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