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Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local
bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear
about his wedding night.
Jake says, “Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up
the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so’s
me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of
my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her.”
The bartender says, “Why did it take three sons to get you off?”
Jake says, “I fought ‘em.”

Susie was desperate for her new husband to go down on her. After everything from subtle innuendo to outright begging had failed, she finally resorted to trickery.

“Honey,” she called breathily from the bedroom one night, “Can you help me a sec? I’ve got a tampon stuck inside me. I’m sure you can get it out if you use your teeth.”

Disgusted, the husband pulled the diamond engagement right off her finger and pushed it way up inside her.

“Owwww!” yelped the young bride. “What did you do that for?”

“You really expect me to go poking around down there,” snarled her husband, “for a lousy tampon?

Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, “I take the next turn, right?”

“No way, get your own,” said the groom, “this one’s all mine.”

Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
A: Sperm is handmade.

Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates…

INSTRUCTIONS

Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don’t forget
some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of
your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will
receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, there will be at least:
* 0.5 Miss Worlds,
* 2.5 supermodels,
* 463 wild nymphos,
* 3,234 good-looking nymphos,
* 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,
* and 40,198 bi-sexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and
tastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, your
original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!!

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his
friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent
her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial
expression on her face.

On the same day, the international supermodel he’d been living with since
he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to
whom he had not sent the chain letter).

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has
already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from
exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL!!!

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No
expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only
interest women) just so that you can bonk her.

No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like
marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate… send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. – Even if you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner.

PPS. – This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can
prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.



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