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Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?

A: A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

Q: Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day. The fellow said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!” So, the first fellow did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”
“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, “I’ll see you in two hours!”

A stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a Texan, a very busty lady, and a greenhorn from the East.

The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, “Lady, I’ll give you ten dollars for a blowjob.”

The Texan was appalled. He pulled out his pistol, shot the greenhorn right between the eyes, and shoved his body out the door.

The lady gasped and said, “Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!”

The Texan holstered his gun and said, “Your honor, hell! Just trying to keep down inflation. Around here, a blowjob goes for two dollars.”

Janey was walking down North Main Street in Danville. As she walked past the delicatessen, she glanced into the shop window. There, nestled in amongst the salami, was a sign proclaiming “Fresh from Warsaw-World’s Largest Sausage.”

Hanging on a large hook above it, was the most enormous sausage she had ever seen. It must’ve been at least eight inches in diameter, and two feet long.

“That’s a two-man zeppelin, not a sausage,” she thought. “Oh well, I’ll try anything once.”

So she walked into the shop, heaved the 20 lb. monster down off the hook and, plunking it down on the counter, presented it to the shopkeeper, who immediately wrestled it onto the machine and started slicing it up.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” cried Janey in dismay. “What do you think I am? A slot machine?”



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