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Q: What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?
A: A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawl.

Q: What’s the ultimate in rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts “Theme Party-Come as a Human Emotion.”

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives. He opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”

The guy says, “I’m green with envy.”

The host replies, “Brilliant, come on in and have a drink.”

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather bow wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman, “Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?”

And she replies, “I’m tickled pink.”

The host says, “I love it! Come on in and join the party.”

A couple of minutes later the doorbell rings for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, “Guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out there in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?”

The first guy replies, “Well, I’m fuckin’ dis custid, and my friend here has come in dispair.”

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit
her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a
“Ah-ha… ,” The Big Bad Wolf said, “Now I’ve got you and I’m going to
eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!… ”
Little Red Riding Hood said angrily,
“Damn it, doesn’t anybody fuck anymore?”

A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says he wants 69. His wife says, “Why you want Beef and Broccoli now?”

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