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It’s so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on
shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold
a genie popped out.
“Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released me,
I will grant you one wish.”
“Well,” Monica replied, “I’m going to be on television alot for a while,
and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love
“Your wish is my command,” said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of
And her ears promptly fell off.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One – men will screw anything.

A coupla Aggies, Buck and Thurleen, married after graduating from
Texas A&M, are driving from Dallas down to a motel in Austin for their
honeymoon. Along the way, Buck reaches over and puts his hand on
Thurleen’s knee.

Thurleen smiles, blushes and says, “Oh Buck, we’re married now, you
can go farther than that!”

So he drove on to Laredo.

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strike up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, “Let’s go in my apartment, I hear someone coming…”

He proceeds her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purrs at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”

The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, “Oh, it’s got to be your ears!”

She’s astounded! “Why my ears? Look at these boobs! They are full, don’t sag, and they’re all mine! My butt – it’s firm doesn’t sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven’s name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!”

Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers, “Outside when you said you heard someone coming? Well, that was me!!!”

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