An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, “My hands are freezing cold.”
The mother replied, “Put your hands between your legs,the body heat will warm them up.” So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
A few days later, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, “My hands are freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up.”
The next day, the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, “My nose is freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put it between my legs, it will warm up.” He did, and his nose quickly warmed up.
Again, the next day, the boyfriend is driving with the daughter and he told her, “My penis is frozen solid.” She once again, gave her standard advice.
Later that day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her Mother. She asked, “Mother, have you ever heard of a penis?”
The slightly concerned Mother replied, “Sure, but why do you ask?”
The daughter answered, “Well, I just wondered……do they always make such a big mess when they thaw out?”
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00.”
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the cop, “Why don’t you stop them?!”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the cop smiled. “Their sign pertains to religion.”
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:
“TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00.”
Q: What did the blonde’s left leg tell to the right leg?
A: Between me and you we can make alot of money
A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.
He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.”
The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?”
The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.”
The clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfume.
“This is called ‘Perhaps’,” said the sales clerk. “It’s $285 per
“Listen,” the man shot back, “for $285 an ounce, I don’t want
something called ‘Perhaps’; I want something called…
“You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some !!”