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1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.

2. Nothing is free.

3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.

4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.

5. It’s perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.

6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won’t get sued for it.

7. Keep those hard-earned pounds — do nothing!

8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.

9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.

10. Chances are, you won’t feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.

11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won’t lead to any embarrassing situations later on.

12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.

13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.

14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.

15. PMS won’t keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).

16. Being “in the mood” to do nothing is no big effort.

17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.

18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.

19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.

20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.

One summer a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine. While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires.

He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on her way.

She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested.

On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady.

Jacques looked at the judge with a bewildered look and said, “Non! Hi don’t understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let her go! Hit’s O.K.!”

“Sir,” the judge said, “in THIS country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape. You must have her consent!”

After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, “Cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent on my fingers, cuntscent on my mustache, hi got her cuntscent everywhere!”

Brunette after sex: “Oh that was great! Love you… wanna marry?”
Blonde after sex: “Next!”
Redhead after sex: “Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.”

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready.

Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. He asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night long. The man laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take more than one. Once at home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so he gulped them down.

The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his friend. Asking for some liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In disbelief, his friend asked if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick.

Charlie replied “No,I need it for my arms the women never showed up!”

(This refers to the show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire)

After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love.

She replied with her usual, “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.”

“Hmmmm,” mused Regis, “is that your final answer?”

“Yes, it is,” replied Joy.

Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, “I’d like to phone a friend.”



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