An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, “Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died?”
“It did,” he replied. “Today is the viewing!”
Miss Annabelle has just returned from her big trip to New York City and is having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy’s mansion with her Southern Belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound.
“You just wouldn’t believe what they have there in New York City,” says Miss Annabelle. “They have men there who kiss other men on the lips.”
Miss Annabelle’s friends fan themselves and say, “Oh my! Oh my!”
“They call them homosexuals,” proclaims Miss Annabelle.
“They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!”
“Oh my! Oh my,” exclaim the girls. “What do they call them?” they asked.
“They call them lesbians,” says Miss Annabelle.
“They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City,” sighs Miss Annabelle.
“Oh my! Oh my! Oh my,” exclaim the girls as they sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. “What do they call them?” they ask in unison.
Miss Annabelle leans forward and says in a hush, “Why when I caught my breath, I called him ‘Precious’!”
A guy is walking down the street, and he’s really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he’s really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says “Look, I only have five dollars. I’m really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!”
The guy there says, “OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin.”
“What’s a penguin?”
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his “penguin.” Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he’s about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.
Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, “HEY! WHAT’S A PENGUIN?!?”
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem
doctor” Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
earsplitting yell.” “MY dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely
natural. I don’t see what problem is?” “The problem is,” she complained,
“It wakes me up.”
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an
“Mrs. Brown,” he said, “I have some good news for you.”
The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,”
“Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have bad
news for you.”