An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.
“Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.”
“You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.
“Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”
Q: Why couldn’t the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?
A: She got her finger caught in a dike!
A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,
finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.
Can you help me?”
“Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud
physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that
does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history.”
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street. “Doctor, Doctor!” exclaims the man excitedly, “I’ve got to
thank you! This drug is a miracle! It’s wonderful! I’ve had sex
fourteen times in eight days!”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that” says the pleased physician, “What does
your wife think about it?”
“Wife?” asks the man, “I haven’t even been home yet!”
Chad went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with excitement, Chad agreed.
When they got to the bedroom, Chad exclaimed “Wow! A waterbed. I’ve never had sex on a waterbed before.”
Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him and said, “Before we go any further, don’t you think you should put on some protection?”
“Good idea,” he responded and got up. Chad walked out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver.
A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather
hot blond behind him has just smiled “Hello” to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him…
and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from…
so he says… “Sorry… do you know me?”
She replies… “I may be mistaken… but I thought you might be the
father… of one of my children.”
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
“Holy crap”… he says, “are you that stripper from my bachelor party
that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends… while
your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up
“No”… she replies… “I’m your son’s teacher.”