* When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
* Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
* In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
* You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
* You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
* Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Q: How do you know a blond has been using your computer?
A: When the joy stick is wet!
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
“How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?”
“That I should take measures. That’s what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.”
Q: How do you break a blonde’s nose?
A: Place a dildo under a glass table!
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. “Follow me,” he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete’s keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn’t resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. “If you do that again, you’ll go straight to hell! But follow me, we’re almost there.”
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
“Why is it so damn cold down here?” Pete asks.
“Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!” the devil replied.