Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that’s what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some
preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and
generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl
started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. “Your
organ,” she replied. “It’s a bit on the small side.” Hurt, he replied:
“It’s not used to playing in cathedrals.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
“Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.”
“Come on now Mr Peters,” the doctor said, “your sex drives all in your head.”
“Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Three guys are walking down the beach, when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach. The first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her, when she says, “What will we name the child?”
The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy goes over to her and starts doing his thing when she says, “What will we name the child?”
He freaks out also and runs away. The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing. when she says, “What will we name the child?”
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean. He turns to the girl and says, “If he gets out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+288)
Bill and his sidekick walk into a bar, not realizing it’s a gay bar. They take a table and sit down. Some guy walks over and leans on the table, saying, “Hey, you guys wanna play butt football?”
Not really knowing what that is, Bill asks the bartender.
The bartender says, “Oh, you just chug a beer; that’s the touchdown; then you pull down your pants and boxers, bend over and moon the room and fart; that’s the extra point.”
Bill looks at his friend and says, “Why not? Sounds like a whole lot of fun!”
Bill’s sidekick chugs a beer, pulls down his pants, moons the room, and farts.
Bill chugs his beer, pulls down his pants, bends over and is just about to moon the room when another guy walks up behind him, sticks his dick up Bill’s ass, and yells, “Field goal block!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have sex with him because they all told him that his penis was too long.
“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “Is there any way you can shorten it?”
The doctor replied, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But I do know a witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gave him directions to the witch’s place.
The man went to see the witch the next day, and told her his sad story.
“Witch, my penis is 20 inches long, and I can’t get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?”
The witch asked him to pull it out so she could have a look at it. The man uncoiled his 20-inch penis. The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied, “I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. You must ask the frog, ‘will you marry me?’ Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be 4 inches shorter.”
The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and, sure enough, there sat the frog on a log. He uncoiled his huge python-like penis and called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”
The frog looked at him with some disdain, and replied, “NO.”
The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 4 inches shorter!
“WOW!” he screamed out loud. Then he said to himself, “This is great! But it’s still too long at 16 inches, so I’ll ask the frog to marry me again.”
Once more he shouted to the frog, “Frog, will you marry me?”
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!”
The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 4 inches shorter! The man laughed, and shouted, “This is fantastic!”
He looked down at his penis once more, and by now it was only 12 inches long, so he reflected for a moment. “Twelve inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal,” he thought. “So, I’ll ask the frog to marry me ONE more time.”
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog, will you marry me?”
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head in frustration and said, “NO! NO! . . . and for the last time, NO!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring, then said, “But isn’t having nine babies a little much?”
“Well,” she said, “I don’t know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air.”
“Yes,” said the priest. “Your legs!”
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Read all jokes from: LGBT (+288)
There were two gay guys living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it.
Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.
The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, “What in the hell are you doing?”
The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, “Don’t you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.”
A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”
“I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4816)
Seven wise men smarter than shit,
decided to make a pair of tits.
First was a miner who came from the ground,
Grabbed a shovel and made two mounds.
Next was a sculptor after being soothed,
With skillful hands he made them smooth.
Third was a mattress maker who was a bit sleazy,
But worked on the boobs to make them squeezy.
Fourth came a tailor who could tuck and nip,
At the top of it he made a tip.
Fifth was a farmer that gave them milk,
Coming from the tip smooth as silk.
Sixth was a father that burst out and said,
“If she feeds the kids, I stay in bed!”
Finally was a pimp who said with some spit,
after licking and sucking, “This is definitely a tit!”
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