Dream on, boys!
* I’ll swallow it all …I love the taste.
* Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
* I’m bored. Let’s shave my little kitty, you big lion king!
* Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
* God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
* I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
* You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.
* I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
* Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
* Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
* Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
* I’ll be out painting the house.
* I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
* Honey, our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!
* I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
* No, no … I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
* Your mother did a great job raising you.
* Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
* I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
* Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
* Not the mall again! Come on let’s go to that new strip joint!
* Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
* You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
* That was a great fart! Do another one!
* I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you…
Armando went to his neighbor and asked, “Hey Carlos, do you
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way
“No,” says Carlos.
Armando asks, “Do you like a woman whose teets hang
almost to her knees?”
“No,” says Carlos.
“Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so
“Caramba! No, amigo!” Carlos replied.
“Theen tell me why,” asked Armando, “do you keep screwing
As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this
sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everything you’ve ever wondered about.
Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams?
A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has a different ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming
should act and look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can give
you a good suggestion on where to start – and that’s in a bar. That’s
right, go to a bar… preferably the kind that smells of stale beer and
lots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick a
man that looks interesting – it’s best to stay away from the shallow
“pretty boys” in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, I
recommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possibly
reassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, offer to buy him a few beers,
then invite him back to your place. He’ll advise you from there.
Q: How do I know if I found Mr Right?
A: Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to tell. Therefore, I suggest you try out many different kinds of men and many different
kinds of bars.
Q: Do men like aggresive virgins?
A: Definitely. Although they don’t admit it, men are often shy – so it’s
up to you to be bold. In addition to bars, don’t be afraid to approach
men on streetcorners, in restaurants, even in restrooms. Break the ice
with simple “hello”, followed by an offer to buy them dinner, drinks -
even an expensive gift. Then invite them to back to your place.
Q: What if a man’s married?
A: Go for it. This is a great opportunity to enjoy the valuable
experience a married man possesses, without being tied down by any sort
Q: But what if I fall in love with a married man?
A: This is a tough one, especially if you’re a woman and find yourself
pregnant. Ask him how he feels about his wife and family. If he says his
wife doesn’t understand him and he’s thinking of leaving her, believe
him and continue your relationship, secure in the knowledge that he’ll
soon make good his promise. Married men rarely lie about such important
Q: How do I know if I’m ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He’ll know when the time is right. When it comes
to love and sex, experienced men are much more responsible, since
they’re not confused emotionally as virgins. It’s a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at
first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don’t feel ashamed or
embarrassed. After your man has finished making love, he’ll have a
natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to
play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol
and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don’t feel left
out – while he’s gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry,
cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He’ll come back when he’s ready.
Q: What is “afterplay”?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. “Afterplay” is simply a list of important activities for you to
do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making
him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone
to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many virgins believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
penis measures about six centimeters. Anything longer than that is
extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover’s sexual organ is seven
centimeters or over, you should go down on your knees and thank you
lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his
laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the orgasm?
A: What about it? There’s no such thing. It’s a myth.
Q: Are you sure?
A: Will you stop asking so many questions? Do you distrust experienced
men or something? Instead, prove how much you care for your boyfriend by
going out and buying him an expensive gift.