Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover’s Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. “Awwwww Hell!” Jeff murmured, “Fuzz!”
“What did ya expect?” Linda says, “A perm?”
Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it.
The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter and called him back. “Please set this error straight before tomorrow,” she begged. “There’s an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!”
“Of course, Sister,” he said. “I’ll get you out of there right away.”
Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning he received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver and heard, “Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. NEVER MIND!”
A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies
when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes
between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, “That’s it! That’s it!”
He says, “It can’t be. I part mine on the side.”
A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.
“Mummy, mummy, what are these?” he says, pointing to her breasts.
“Well, son,” she says, “these are balloons, and when you die,
they inflate and float you up to heaven.”
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into
“Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!”
What do you mean? says his mother.
Well she’s in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her
balloons are out, Dad’s blowing them up, and she keeps yelling
“God, I’m coming! I’m coming!!!”
1. “The cucumber has left the salad.”
2. “Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.”
3. “Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.”
4. “Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.”
5. “Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!”
6. “Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.”
7. “You’ve got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary.”
8. “You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantaloons.”
9. “I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?”
10. “Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis.”