Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
“Oh, no,” said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. “Was it with Marie Brown?”
“I’d rather not say who it was.”
“Was it with Betty Smith?”
“I’d rather not say,” says Joe.
So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe’s friend asks if he received absolution.
“Yes, and two very good leads!”
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
Three guys are walking down the beach, when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach. The first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her, when she says, “What will we name the child?”
The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy goes over to her and starts doing his thing when she says, “What will we name the child?”
He freaks out also and runs away. The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing. when she says, “What will we name the child?”
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean. He turns to the girl and says, “If he gets out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”
Q: Why was Joan Collins voted “Woman of the Year” by Screw magazine?
A: Because she had more meat between her buns than McDonald’s.
There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:
She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.” Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome:
He wrote on the back of the photo the following: “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and then mailed the picture to her parents.