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A guy is walking down the street, and he’s really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out. The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.

So by this time, he’s really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says “Look, I only have five dollars. I’m really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!”

The guy there says, “OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin.”

“What’s a penguin?”

“You’ll see!!!”

So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his “penguin.” Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he’s about to loose his load, she stops and walks away.

Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting, “HEY! WHAT’S A PENGUIN?!?”

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and
brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first
arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in
bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded
condom, “Oh yuck!!” she proclaimed as she ponted it to her
new husband

As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and
asked “What they don’t use those things where you come

“Yeah,” she said “but we don’t skin ‘em!”

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here
has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have
had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up.
“OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?” Three
hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty
good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?” One hand
stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve
actually had sexual contact with a ghost?” The guy with his hand up
suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said “goat’.”

Define “Egghead:” What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

* “Wanna swap meds?”

* “Can I buy you a spatula?”

* “Bet you’re wondering why I have no nostrils?”

* “Your crawlspace or mine?”

* “You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters.”

* “May I lick your forehead?”

* “Do you always wear your shoes over your socks? ”

* “Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.”

* “What’s your favorite flavor of wood?”

* “You’ve stolen my heart, but thats okay because I have three more back home in the freezer!”

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