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When I was 16, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a boy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a boy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting boy, but I couldn’t keep up with him. He rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. He did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a boy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious boy with his feet planted firmly on the ground so I moved in with him. He was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything I owned.

I am older now and am looking for a guy with a very big dick.

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and
brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first
arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in
bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded
condom, “Oh yuck!!” she proclaimed as she ponted it to her
new husband

As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and
asked “What they don’t use those things where you come
from?”

“Yeah,” she said “but we don’t skin ‘em!”

Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual “equipment.”

Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this:

* Warning!: These cigarettes are king size — how about you?

* Warning!: Smoking sections in restaurants aren’t the only things getting smaller.

* Warning!: If you don’t reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.

* Warning!: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.

* Warning!: Smoke rises, but you may not.

* Warning!: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children — That is… if you’re capable of conceiving any.

* Warning!: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff — so do you.

* Warning!: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there’s no before?

* Warning!: The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub.

* Warning!: Don’t throw lit cigarettes in the urinal — you might not have the range to put them out.

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
“We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.”

The next woman says “I am too but we use the rhythm
method.”

The third woman says “We use the bucket and saucer
method.”

“What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?”, the others
ask.

“Well, I’m five foot eleven… and my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from
under him.”

Q: How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?

A: Call her up



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