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A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies. Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.

The Priest, knowing that he’s mere hours away from death, says, “You know, I’ve never seen a woman’s breasts before. Since it probably won’t matter any more, would you show me yours?”

The nun agrees and shows him.

He asks, “May I touch them?”

She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they’re very nice.

Next, the nun says that she’s never seen a man’s penis before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees and whips it out.

“That’s very nice!” she says. “May I touch it?”

He agrees and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a large chubby.

The priest, now overcome with years of pent-up lust, says, “You know, if I put my penis in the right place, it can give life!”

She asks, “Is that so?”

“Yes!”

“Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here!”

It’s really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can’t think. You’ve got an eye, but you can’t see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by
what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing
performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home
and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
“Don’t be afraid, darling,” said the man. “Wait until I tell you about this.”
“Get out of here!” cried his wife. “And take that sex maniac with you!”

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked out the
window and said: “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining
like hell out there!” Mary cried: “If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!” So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race… so he
started running along side the others – only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: “Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

The other runner then asked the nude man: “Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?”

Ralph answered breathlessly: “Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

The runner then asked: “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

Ralph answered, “Only if it’s raining.”

Q: What is fore play for a blond?

A: When the man says “c’mon baby, hop in the truck”



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