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A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but
the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the
mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the
other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the
horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched
over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull
yourself up.” And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a

Two old ladies sitting on the porch at the old folks home? One turned to the other and asked “Martha, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?

The other little old lady sat and rocked for a minute and said, “No, I think we had State Farm.”

An old man sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise, sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of chicken wire.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says, “Catch some chickens.”

The old man yells, “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by, and to the old man’s surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. The old man yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of duct tape.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says, “Catch me some ducks.”

The old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duct tape!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home, and to the old man’s amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy says, “It’s a pussy willow.”

The old man says, “Hold on, I’ll get my hat.”

Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch.

“Well son,” asked Ernie senior, “How is married life treating you?”

“Not very well, I’m afraid,” sighed junior. “It seems I married a nun.”

“A nun?” his father questioned.

“That’s right,” moaned Ernie junior. “None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!”

Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. “Why don’t we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?”

Young Ernie smiled, “Say, Dad, that’s a great idea!”

“Fine,” replied Ernie senior, “I’ll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates.”

A guy walks a woman to the door after there first date. He asks her if she has had a good time.She tells him yes but that to get her really horny she likes her men to be rough, tough and selfish.

The next week the guy picks her up for there evening out dressed in a bikers black leathers. He grabs her throws her on the back of his newly rented Harley and away they go to the nearest bikers bar.

The whole evening is spent drinking and brawling with the bikers. When they get back to her house, he drags her up to the bedroom.

He asks her, “Well, was I rough?”

“Yes,” she purrs and rubs herself suggestively.

“And was I tough?” he asks.

“Oh yes,” she moans.

“Well them its time to be selfish,” he says. So he whips out his penis and gives himself a handjob.

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