The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid.
“Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said.
“A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily. “He doesn’t really need that. A butler never entertains. He’ll get a tie.”
The maid grimaced, but said only, “What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?”
The woman frowned again. “She doesn’t really need a new dress. She’ll only get in trouble. We’ll get her another apron.”
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at her employer’s arrogance when they reached her husband.
“I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?” the maid replied.
“Of course,” the woman replied.
“Then what about five more inches?”
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Ill lend him my car, the rest is up to him.
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, “Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker.”
John couldn’t back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said “Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too.”
The guys looked confused and said, “What makes you think that?”
John replied “Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo — so you don’t have a girlfriend named Wendy?”
The black guys laughed and responded, “No mon, that tattoo says, “Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day.”
Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: How do old people have oral sex?
A: They talk about it.