A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing
where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.
“Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very
dangerous beast out there!”
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less
seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was
the couple was doing.
“Well, err… if you must know, uh, they were practicing a
brand new form of artificial respiration… yeah, that’s it, it’s
“WOW!” exclaimed the oldest of the group. “I know which
merit badge I’m gonna try for next!”
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on
shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold
a genie popped out.
“Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released me,
I will grant you one wish.”
“Well,” Monica replied, “I’m going to be on television alot for a while,
and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love
“Your wish is my command,” said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of
And her ears promptly fell off.
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”
It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss
Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and
Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “hey
Sweetheart, how’d you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million
Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll,
and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn’t help but grab her
delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little
Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker
and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat
and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was
fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn’t be long
before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of
the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said,
“Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said “Look you little Reese’s
Pieces, don’t be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don’t you take my
Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit ‘O’ Honey?” (What a piece
of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack,
you’re better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong
up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was
giving it to her Good ‘N’ Plenty, when all the sudden… my
Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow
Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough,
nine months later, out popped… Baby Ruth!
…Admiral’s daughter, but her naval base was always full of seamen.
…Astronaut’s daughter, but she knew how to take off.
…Athlete’s daughter, but she was always ready to play ball.
…Barman’s daughter, but she knew how to pull them.
…Blacksmith’s daughter, but she knew how to forge ahead.
…Bookbinder’s daughter, but she knew her way between the sheets.
…Bricklayer’s daughter, but she was certainly stacked.
…Butcher’s daughter, but there wasn’t much more she could loin.
…Cattleman’s daughter, but she couldn’t keep her calves together.
…Cave man’s daughter, but you should have seen what dinosaur.
…Chimney sweeps daughter, but she could haul ash.
…Clergyman’s daughter, but you couldn’t put anything pastor.
…Cobbler’s daughter, but she was built to last.
…Communist’s daughter, but all the boys got a share.
…Doctor’s daughter, but she really knew how to operate.
…Draftsman’s daughter, but she never knew where to draw the line.
…Electrician’s daughter, but she lit up half the town.
…Electrician’s daughter, but she had good connections.
…Farmer’s daughter, but she knew hundreds of ways to fertilize.
…Film Censor’s daughter, but she didn’t know when to cut it out.
…Fisherman’s daughter, but all the guys swallowed her lines.
…Fishmonger’s daughter, but she lay on the slab and said fillet.
…Flag-wavers daughter, But she’d let her standards down for anyone.
…Florist’s daughter, but she had the best tulips in town.
…Fruit Vendor’s daughter, but she certainly had a pail.
…Gravedigger’s daughter, but she liked lying under the sod.
…Insurance broker’s daughter, but all the guys liked her policy.
…Jockey’s daughter, but all the horse manure.
…Lighthouse keeper’s daughter, but she never went out at night.
…Milkman’s daughter, but she was cream of the crop.
…Moonshiner’s daughter, but I love her still.
…Musician’s daughter, but she knew all the bars in town.
…Optician’s daughter, but after a few of glasses made a spectacle of herself.
…Parachutists daughter, but she was free-4-all
…Philanthropist’s daughter, but she kept giving things away.
…Photographer’s daughter, but she was really developed.
…Pitcher’s daughter, but you should have seen her curves.
…Plumber’s daughter, but she made good use of her fixtures.
…Professor’s daughter, but she gave all the boys a lesson.
…Real Estate Agent’s daughter, but she gave a lot away.
…Road Worker’s daughter, but she knew how to get her asphalt.
…Statistician’s daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.
…Steelworker’s daughter, but you should see that pig iron.
…Telegrapher’s daughter, but she sure didit… didit… didit….
…Tree Feller’s daughter, but t’ree fellas were never enough for her.
…Undertaker’s daughter, but she knew how to lay a stiff.
…Vacuum Salesman’s daughter, but she knew how to suck!
…Violinists daughter, but she took off her G-string and all the boys fiddled.
…Weatherman’s daughter, but she sure had a warm front.
…Woodcutter’s daughter, but you could hear her ring bark for miles.