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“The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bed so they felt Grumpy instead… “

Q: What do you call three blondes on Santa’s Lap?

A: Ho Ho Ho

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style…it makes your nose look too long.”

This guy went to the doctors and said: “Doctor, I’m having problems with my sex life!”

Doctor: “What do you mean?”

Guy: “Well, I’m just not getting any.”

Doctor: “Look out the window then.”

Guy: “Oh yeah, I see that convent. Good idea Doctor!”

Doctor: “Yes, but see that patch of mushrooms in front of it?”

The guy looks across and sees a beautiful young nun picking mushrooms.

The doctor then says, “Well, if you go place yourself underneath the mushrooms with only your dick sticking out, you certainly won’t regret it.”

The next morning, the guy is lying underneath the patch of mushrooms, with his dick sticking out, as the doctor had said, and the most beautiful young nun walks along with a basket.

She starts picking mushrooms, while singing a little song: “One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four…, four…, four…, four…”

The guy cannot believe it; he is enjoying this so much.

That night while down at the pub, he is telling his story to his mates and one of them (who is very drunk) decides to go and try this out for himself.

So, that night he goes down to the convent, and places himself underneath the patch of mushrooms, and leaves his dick sticking out. In the morning, the fattest, most repulsive and butch nun comes along with her basket.

She starts to pick mushrooms, while singing the same song: “One little mushroom for my basket, two little mushrooms for my basket, three little mushrooms for my basket, four…, four…, four…, FOUR little mushrooms for my basket, five little mushrooms for my basket…”

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied.

Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, “Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died?”

“It did,” he replied. “Today is the viewing!”



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