One summer a few years ago, a middle age French-Canadian man named Jacques decided to vacation on the coast of Maine. While soaking up some sun on the beach, a very pretty girl caught his eye and his sexual desires.
He immediately got up, ran to her, grabbed her by the hand and brought her to his hotel room. There he had sex with her and then sent the young lady on her way.
She immediately reported this to the police and Jacques was arrested.
On his court date the judge asked him if he understood the nature of the crime he committed against the young lady.
Jacques looked at the judge with a bewildered look and said, “Non! Hi don’t understand! Hin my country you grab de pretty girl, bring her to de hotel room, BOOM-BOOM, give hit to her den let her go! Hit’s O.K.!”
“Sir,” the judge said, “in THIS country if you are to have sex with a lady, you must have her permission first, or it is considered rape. You must have her consent!”
After hearing this, Jacques turned around and mysteriously looked at the judge and exclaimed, “Cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent! Hi got her cuntscent on my fingers, cuntscent on my mustache, hi got her cuntscent everywhere!”
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he
looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. “I’m scared
out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop fucking his
wife.” “So stop,” the barkeep said. “I can’t,” the womanizer
replied, taking a long swill. “The prick didn’t sign his name!”
A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.
Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa
application. The border official look s over his shoulder,
and sees the tourist trying to write ‘Twice a week’ into
the small space labeled ‘SEX’.
The official explains: “No, no, no. That is not what we
mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or ‘Female’.”
“Doesn’t matter,” the tourist answers.
There were two old ladies at a dance. One says, “Do you remember the minuet?”
The other replies, “I can’t even remember the ones I screwed.”
What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge
display with a sign saying “Newly translated from the original French:
37 mating positions.” Noticing that the books were already wrapped in
plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found
that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.