A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the light on.
The policeman walked over to the car where he saw young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.
He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver’s window and knocked. The young man looked up, cracked the window and said, “Yes, officer?”
“What are you doing?” the policeman asked.
“What does it look like?” answered the young man. “I’m reading this magazine.”
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, “And what is she doing?”
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, “I think she is knitting a sweater.”
Confused, the officer asked, “How old are you young man?”
“I’m nineteen,” he replied.
“And how old is she?” asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, “Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be eighteen.”
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering
the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The
priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said,
“Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”
The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Take seven lemons and
squeeze them into a glass and then drink it.”
The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”
The priest said “NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face.”
When fashion says, as fashion must,
That females should expose the bust,
How odd will be the sights we’ll see,
Such infinite variety.
From tiny buds not yet in bloom,
To those which fill up half the room.
But first let’s start off with the flats,
With ribs on view like building slats.
The teenage girls will start the craze,
By giving “half an egg” displays.
And then improving on the view,
There’ll be the orange, cut in two.
So now there comes the classic type,
Round and cushioned, soft and ripe.
The perky ones deserve a line,
Pointing upwards all the time.
Upsetting to the manly sight,
One points left and one points right.
And then there’s one, takes so much space,
How can the other keep it’s place?
And so we come around to the flops,
Like spaniels ears, or razor strops.
The double chins, the pigeon toes,
The blusher, and the purple nose.
Then jewels pendant from the ends,
Will add to fashions topless trends.
The only common factor seen,
Will be the upright cleft between.
As long as there are two abreast,
Who is to say which sort is best.
The great advantage is, I feel,
At least we’ll know that they are real.
Q: How can u tell if a blonde has been in the frig?
A: Theres lipstick on the cucumber.
A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
“Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”
“What difference does it make,” Joan asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”
“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed little man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”