Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be cast off
on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one
chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. “Never heard
of her.” his companions protested. “Who is she?” “Why she’s just the
greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper,”
replied the third man. “See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING
Dream on, boys!
* I’ll swallow it all …I love the taste.
* Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
* I’m bored. Let’s shave my little kitty, you big lion king!
* Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
* God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
* I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
* You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.
* I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
* Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
* Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
* Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
* I’ll be out painting the house.
* I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
* Honey, our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!
* I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
* No, no … I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
* Your mother did a great job raising you.
* Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
* I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
* Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
* Not the mall again! Come on let’s go to that new strip joint!
* Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
* You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
* That was a great fart! Do another one!
* I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you…
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, “Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died?”
“It did,” he replied. “Today is the viewing!”
* Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
* If you get tired, wait ten minutes then go at it again.
* The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
* You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you the candy.
* Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
* 40 years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
* If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
* Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
* Less guilt the next morning.
* If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!!!
Cop coming upon a young couple making out…
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We’re necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.