Three hookers of varying ages were standing around, discussing their profession. The middle aged one said: “So, how’s business?”
“Awful!” replied the young one. “All anybody wants is blow jobs!”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the mid-lifer. “It’s easy work, a quick turn over, and you can make more money that way.”
“That’s just the problem,” exclaimed the young lady, “I can’t get more than $20.00 for a blow job! How can I make any money that way?”
“Oh,” she replied, shrugging, “that’s nothing. When I started working, we only got $10.00 for a blow job!”
At this point the old hooker chimed in. “You kids have it so easy! Why, back in my day, we had to give blow jobs for free! And we were glad to get something warm in our bellies, too!”
This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: “I got 12 inches over here you would love to have.”
The female response was: “Well, spit it out. It isn’t yours!”
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said,
“Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?”
“Why Yes, John, that would be nice,” said Marie.
Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. All week long he polished up his
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at
Marie said, “Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?”
“Oh, no, John, “said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner.
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey, Marie,” said John, “Would you like a smoke?”
“Oh, no, John,” said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”
Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He’d
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
“Hey, Marie,” said John, “how would you like to stop at this motel with
“Sure, John, that would be nice,” said Marie.
Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and
checked in with Marie.
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in
“What have I done? What have I done?” thought John.
He shook Marie and she woke up. “Marie, I’ve got to ask you one thing,
said John. “What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”
Marie said, “The same thing I always tell them… You don’t have
to smoke and drink to have a good time.
Two nuns decide they’re going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they’ve finally got to head back to the convent.
To enter the convent’s grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.
As they’re crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, “I feel like a marine.”
The second replies, “Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?”
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He’d
scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu.
Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
“Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid, either.”
A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love,” came the reply.
The old man responded, “I thought so. Would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”
A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant.
“My dear,” said the New York matron snobbishly, “Here in the East we think breeding is everything.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” the lady from the Midwest replied. “Out where I come from we think it’s fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well.”
What is foreplay?
* The loving before the shoving.
* The petting before the getting.
* The licking before the pricking.
* The stroking before the poking.
* The procrastination & masturbation preceding penetration.
* The lingering and the fingering.
* A premature ejaculators nightmare!
A coupla Aggies, Buck and Thurleen, married after graduating from
Texas A&M, are driving from Dallas down to a motel in Austin for their
honeymoon. Along the way, Buck reaches over and puts his hand on
Thurleen smiles, blushes and says, “Oh Buck, we’re married now, you
can go farther than that!”
So he drove on to Laredo.
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.
It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and
young George was pretty excited.
“Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George.
“George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait until they’re lined up
at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice
orderly fashion.” said Sam.
“Okay, I can do that.” George answered.
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam
said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more
“Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I’ll start at one end and
you can start at the other. We’ll meet in the middle” said Sam.
“OK, OK, let’s go!” said George.
“Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will
let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?”
“Sure” says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one
end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember’s Sam’s
instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to
say – “Thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am,
thank you ma’am, sorry Sam, thank you ma’am.”