A married couple was on holiday in the Middle East and they came upon the main city bazaar. They walked around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard a gentleman say, “You foreigners? Come in my friends. Come into my humble shop. Salam a leekem!” (hello in english) So the couple walked in.
The bazaar merchant says to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”
After hearing this statement, the wife became intrigued and encouraged her husband to try them on. Her husband smirked and winked at his wife, with the comment, ” I don’t think I really need them.” But since they were having fun in the bazaar, he asked the merchant, “So, how could sandals make you into a sex animal?”
The merchant smiled and replied, “Just try them on, my friend, trust me!”
Well, in the combined spirit of goodwill and after much badgering from his wife, he finally consented to try them on.
The husband put the shoes on and and a wild look seemed to appear in his eyes, something his wife has not seen in many years — the look of raw sexual power.
In a blink of the eye, the husband rushed the merchant, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guys pants.
While trying to run away, the bazaar merchant is yelling non-stop, “You’ve got the shoes on the wrong feet…You’ve got the shoes the wrong feet!!”
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn’t get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. “Now look,” the doctor said, “the
only way you’re going to get it up is to say “beep,” and then to
get it soft again, you say, “beep, beep.”
“How marvelous,” the old man said.
“Yes, but I must warn you,” the doctor said,” it’s only going to
work three times before you die.”
On his way home, the man decided he wasn’t going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. “Beep!” he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, “beep, beep,” and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went “beep,” and the
car in the opposite lane responded with “beep beep.”
Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
“speed it up.” He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. “Honey,” he shouted at her, “don’t ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed.” Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
“beep,” and he was UP.
He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
“What’s all this “beep beep” shit?”
Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her
husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her
next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’re
A guy sitting in the front row says, “Excuse me Father, but do you mean
her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?”
The priest says, “I mean her legs.”
1. No repetitive-stress injuries.
2. Knocks out insomnia faster than two tabs of Tylenol PM and a Bud tallboy.
3. Two words: less sweat.
4. On deadline? No problem!
5. Saves on batteries.
6. No guilt associated with saying, “I think it’s time for you to go home now.”
7. Two more words: stress reduction.
8. Makes for an interesting elevator ride.
9. Won’t ruin your lipstick.
10. Great way to kill time while stuck in traffic on the way to the beach (if you don’t mind rubberneckers).
11. Sometimes you just don’t want your toes sucked.
12. You don’t have to worry about remembering your partner’s name.
13. Performance anxiety? What’s that?
14. It’s something to do while talking to your parents on the phone.
15. Doesn’t give you enough time to notice he or she smells bad.
16. You don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of having an orgasm in front of someone you hardly know.
17. You can have your after-sex cig in the cab. That is, after having sex in the cab.
18. A line doesn’t form outside the bathroom at the party.
19. Dinner doesn’t get cold.
20. Pillow talk? What’s that!
Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?
A: A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.