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Sex (+4814)
A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a
beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how
much it would cost to repair the condom.
The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot
welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he
could sell the private a new one.
The private said, “Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in
two hours with an answer.”
Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:
“The regiment has voted to replace.”
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Sex (+4814)
The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that
her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and
adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told
her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until
then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, “Oh
Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating a woman!”
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Read all jokes from:
Sex (+4814)
Confucious say: “Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand.”
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Sex (+4814)
Q: What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye almost killed him!
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Sex (+4814)
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
“Father, I am sinful.”
“Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.”
“Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend. It’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house and nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.”
“That’s bad my boy. Fortunately you realize your mistake.”
“Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.”
“That’s not very good of you.”
“Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her. Nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.”
“Father? ……… Father?” suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father. He walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.
“Father? Where are you?”
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.
“Father, why are you hiding here?”
“Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me.”
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LGBT (+289)
Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, the gay man went to his doctor. The physician prescribed suppositories, but when it came time to use them the young man was afraid he would do it wrong.
So he went into the bathroom and, bending over, looked through his legs into the mirror to line up the target. All of a sudden, his penis became stiff and blocked his view.
“Oh, stop it,” the young man scolded his organ, “It’s only me!”
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Sex (+4814)
The spaceship crashed, but the two glowing Martians survived and set out to find a way home. They walked through the forests, through the fields and finally came into the city. They stopped at an intersection and began to shake and moan at the mere sight of a green light. Suddenly, the light turned from green to yellow and then to red.
Turning to his traveling companion, one Martian said disgustedly, “Let’s get out of here. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a woman who’s a tease.”
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Sex (+4814)
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
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Marriage (+787),
Sex (+4814)
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
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Sex (+4814)
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house
in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a
couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another
couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some
bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house,
and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and
the man asked what kind of a place this was. “This is a
brothel” replied the madam.
“Well, what’s all this out on the lawn?” queried the man.
“Oh, we’re having a yard sale today.”
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