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It’s 8:00 AM at a gambling casino. Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.”

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”

The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!”

Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.

Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.

Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.

Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.

After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it’s down there but who gives a damn.

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road side damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute when they witnessed a Protestant Reverend lurking about and then ducking into the house.

“Would ya look at that Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads in disgust and continued their work.

A short time later they watched as a Jewish Rabbi looked around himself cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one had spied him.

“Did ya see that Darby?” Pat asked the other in shock and disbelief. “Is nothing holy to those Jewish people? I just can’t understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. ‘Tis a shame, I tell ya!”

Not long had passed when they saw a third man, a Catholic Priest, lurking about the house looking around to see if any one was watching and then quietly sneaking in the door.

“Oh no, Darby look!” Said Pat removing his cap. “One of the poor girls musta died!!”

Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana – work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don’t lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

Q: If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off my roosters feet, what do you have?

A: Two feet of my cock in your ass.



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