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Q: What is fore play for a blond?

A: When the man says “c’mon baby, hop in the truck”

A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, “You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me in a jar.”

So the cucumber says, “Yeah, you think that’s bad … whenever I get big, fat and juicy they slice me up and they put me over salad.”

So this penis is walking by and overhears their conversation and says, “You think that your life is tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark smelly room and make me do push ups until I throw up!”

Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover’s Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. “Awwwww Hell!” Jeff murmured, “Fuzz!”

“What did ya expect?” Linda says, “A perm?”

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it.

The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter and called him back. “Please set this error straight before tomorrow,” she begged. “There’s an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!”

“Of course, Sister,” he said. “I’ll get you out of there right away.”

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning he received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver and heard, “Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. NEVER MIND!”

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies
when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes
between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, “That’s it! That’s it!”
He says, “It can’t be. I part mine on the side.”



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