Mrs. Cleaver went to the door of the Beaver’s room, and said, “It’s pretty quiet in there, what are you boys doing?”
The Beav’s brother Wally said, “Aaaaaaaaw, Gee, Mom, I’m just eating peanuts!”
So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Beav, are you in there? What are you doing?”
The Beaver said, “Jeepers mom, just eating peanuts like Wally!”
So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Is that Eddie? What are you doing in there, Eddie?”
Eddie said, “Uh, hi Mrs.Cleaver. I’m just eating peanuts with Wally and the Beaver here!”
So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Well, you boys come on out. You’ve got to clean the garage before your father gets home.”
So, out come the boys, followed by a girl who is adjusting her dress.
Mrs. Cleaver says to the girl, “Well I don’t think I’ve met you! What’s your name?”
The girl says, “Well, my real name’s Sally but my friends all call me ‘Peanuts’!”
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
“Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.”
“Come on now Mr Peters,” the doctor said, “your sex drives all in your head.”
“Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”
A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts
raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, “Hey Sister, what are you
going to tell the other Sisters now?”
“I’ll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground,
and raped me twice… unless you’re tired.” she responded.
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to call the cops!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about miss, that’s just my pay check in my pocket.”
“Oh really,” she said. “Then you must have some job, because that’s the fifth raise you’ve had in the last half hour.”
There were two gay guys living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it.
Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.
The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, “What in the hell are you doing?”
The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, “Don’t you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?”
While attending a spelling session in school one day,
The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?
Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can”
The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla… ”
Darla replies… “D-U-M-B”
The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?”
Darla replies, “Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB.”
The teacher replies, “OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?”
Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla.”
Darla replies, “S-T-U-P-I-D”
The teacher replies “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?”
Darla replies, “Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID.”
The teacher replies, “OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?”
No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell
the word DICTATE?
Buckwheat replies, “Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E”
The teacher replies, “very good Buckwheat,” and “can you use that word
in a sentence?”
Buckwheat replies, “Sure I can.”
“I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good.”
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
“How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?”
“That I should take measures. That’s what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.”
Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up
by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish
his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down
the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow
to help. After feeling the old man’s pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the
club house and call 911.
Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby
bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith
in astonishment says, “Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
give him CPR.” Mike replies, “Well, it started off that way.”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let
you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick
aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
Three hookers of varying ages were standing around, discussing their profession. The middle aged one said: “So, how’s business?”
“Awful!” replied the young one. “All anybody wants is blow jobs!”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the mid-lifer. “It’s easy work, a quick turn over, and you can make more money that way.”
“That’s just the problem,” exclaimed the young lady, “I can’t get more than $20.00 for a blow job! How can I make any money that way?”
“Oh,” she replied, shrugging, “that’s nothing. When I started working, we only got $10.00 for a blow job!”
At this point the old hooker chimed in. “You kids have it so easy! Why, back in my day, we had to give blow jobs for free! And we were glad to get something warm in our bellies, too!”