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Sex in a boat – oar-gasms.

Sex with a nerd – dork-gasms.

Sex at the entrance to your house – door-gasms.

Sex on carpet or linoleum – floor-gasms.

Sex at the supermarket – store-gasms.

Sex at a Steven King Movie – horror-gasms.

Sex with a prostitute – whore-gasms.

Sex with an accountant – bore-gasms.

Sex while sleeping – snore-gasms.

Sex with 4WDrivers – four-on-the-floorgasms.

Sex with a salesmen – door-to-doorgasms.

Sex with a virgin – my-hymen-got-torgasms.

Premature ejaculators have – beforegasms.

Sex with ‘Arthur’ – Dudley Moore-gasms.

Sex with cartoon donkeys – Eeyore-gasms.

Sex while broke – poor-gasms.

Sex with a lion – roar-gasms.

Sex for hours and hours on end – sore-gasms.

Sex on a golf course – fore-gasms.

Sex with a nymphomaniac – more-gasms.

Sex in a gold mine – ore-gasms.

Sex with a dermatologist – pore-gasms.

Sex with a politician – Al Gore-gasms.

Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers – s’more-gasms.

Sex with a bullfighter – toreador-gasms.

Sex with a masked man carrying a sword – zorro-gasms.

Sex on the beach – shore-gasms.

Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet – smorgasbord-gasms.

Sex on a cruise ship deck – shuffleboard-gasms.

Sex in Asia – Singapore-gasms.

Sex among the wonders of nature – outdoor-gasms.

Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can – odor-gasms.

Sex on the way to the train – ‘All Aboard’-gasms.

Sex that wasn’t very satisfying – ‘There’s the door’-gasms.

Sex in an adult theater – hard-core-gasms.

Sex with someone who’s not paying attention – ignore-gasms.

Sex with a competitive partner – score-gasms.

Sex while flying – soar-gasms.

Sex with a beloved partner – adore-gasms.

Sex with a meat-eater – carnivore-gasms.

Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo – pompadour-gasms.

Sex with someone who’s got bad taste in clothes – velour-gasms.

Sex while travelling – tour-gasms.

Sex with a big dog – Labrador-gasms.

Sex with Beavis and Butthead – ‘GonnaScore’-gasms.

Sex on stairs at the mall – escalator-gasms.

Sex with three of your friends – four-gasms.

Sex with a Norse God – Thor-gasms.

Sex when resistance is futile – Borg-gasms.

Q: How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
A: His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say, “No.” Bad girls say, “When?”

Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.”
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker’s, plus eight
Is his phone number – give him a call…



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