Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing
thing that happened the night before.
“Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into
bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse
she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light,
lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble ‘n’ strife.
Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I’d accidentally walked into my
eight year olds daughter’s room by, and worse still she was on the
swimming team and didn’t smoke.
Q: What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A: Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.
These two sperm were swimmin’ around, doin’ their thing and one sperm
other… Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???
Sperm #2 says “Naaaa
this is still the esophagus”.
A is the Artful word he uses.
B is the Blush as she gently refuses.
C is the Creep of his hand up her legs.
D is the Don’t as she pleadingly begs.
E is the Excitement as his hand goes higher.
F is the Feeling of ticklish desire.
G is the Gasp as her quim, he touches.
H is the Helplessness she feels in his clutches.
I is the Itching which makes her feel hot.
J is the Jump as the spot, he touches.
K is the Kiss with which she rewards him.
L is the Love which she now feels towards him.
M is the Move which they make for the bed.
N is the Nice way her legs are outspread.
O is the Opening now fully revealed.
P is the Pen with nib fully pealed.
Q is the Queerness she feels when it is in.
R is the Rubbing that’s now to begin.
S is the Strokes getting stronger and stronger.
T is the Tickling she wishes would last longer.
U is the Unction now freely flowing.
V is the Vigour with which they are moving.
W is the Wish that he would do it again.
X is the Xtent of the pleasure they gain.
Y is the Yearning that makes her feel sick.
Z is the Zambuk he rubs on his prick.
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he “comes of age” and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt.
He took the material to the tailor and said, “I’d like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don’t mind, I’d like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!”
So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.
“Here’s ye kilt, and here’s ye matching underwear, and here’s five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it.”
So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend’s house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.
When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, “Well, what’d ye think?”
“Ah, but dat’s a fine looking kilt,” she exclaimed.
“Aye, and if ye like it, ye’ll really like what’s underneath,” he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here.
“Oh, but dat’s a dandy,” his girlfriend shouted admiringly.
Still not realizing that he didn’t have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, “Aye, and if ye like it, I’ve got five more yards of it at home!”