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Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says, “We’re Catholic so we can’t birth control.”

The next woman says, “I am too, but we use the rhythm method.”

The third woman says, “We use the bucket and saucer method.”

“What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?” the others ask.

“Well, I’m five foot eleven…and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.”

Q: What is red and has seven dents?
A: Snow White’s cherry!

* She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.

* As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.

* Even mosquitoes stay away from her.

* She startles the animals at the zoo.

* On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.

* She makes onions cry.

* Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.

* Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.

* The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.

* When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.

* Not only is she a little young, but you’re sure that you used to date her mother.

* You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.

* She has a thicker mustache than you.

* When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.

* You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.

* Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

* You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up your ass.

* You are the first guy that she’s gone out with that isn’t her cousin.

* At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

* She beats the crap out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.

* You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.

* At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.

* You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh.

* She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan.

* She is better hung than you.

* She constantly complains that her cat won’t stop laughing at her.

* She informs you that you can’t go out again because her spirit guide doesn’t like you.

* She informs you that you can’t go out again because her boyfriend doesn’t like you.

Q: What does it mean when two lesbians make love?
A: It doesn’t mean dick.

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