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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a
while, the girl says, “I wish you had a flashlight.”

He says, “Why’s that?”

She says, “Because you’ve been eating grass for fifteen
minutes.”

Q: What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?

A: For flossing after eating.

A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are kissing in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”
She smiles.
The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”
Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance, she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to go?”
She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer
takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get’s her head
stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the
other:
“This is too good to pass up,” gets off his horse, unzips his pants and
starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes. When
he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants
some of it. His partner replied “hell yes that looks pretty good”, climbs
down off his horse drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got
home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting
with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after
which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the
vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.

“Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”

“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s a whole bunch of
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I
can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then
patiently replied “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted
on the phone”

“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that will that stop them?”

“Should do,” said the vet, “- IT STOPPED ME!”



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