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Q: What do you call a gay bar with no place to sit?
A: A fruit stand!

It’s 8:00 AM at a gambling casino. Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.”

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”

The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!”

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.

“Sure!!” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids…”

Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room they spent their
honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed,
spreads her legs…
Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably.
She says, “What’s the matter?”
He says, “Forty years ago, I couldn’t wait to eat it, and now, NOW… ”
“Now?” she asks.
“Now, it looks like it can’t wait to eat ME!”

Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again.
He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t ask it again.
The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced. Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask and to not ask that question again. He went away.
A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her driver’s license.
He said, “Mother, you’re 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy divorced you because you got an ‘F’ in sex.”



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