A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?”
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!”
“Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”
A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says…
“Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?”
The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks…
“When your mommy goes to the mall!”
A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says, “If you don’t do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
Fearing for his life, he did it with her.
Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said, “If you don’t do it with me, I’ll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
Again fearing for his life, he agreed.
Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said, “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
“Green juice?” He asked. “Why Green?”
She replied, “Because my cherry is not ripe yet, duh.”
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to.” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband asked as he entered the room.
“Oh, it’s just a statue.” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the “statue.”
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here.” he said to the statue “Eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smith’s for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.”
Cop coming upon a young couple making out…
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We’re necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.