Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
* She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
* As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.
* Even mosquitoes stay away from her.
* She startles the animals at the zoo.
* On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
* She makes onions cry.
* Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.
* Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
* The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.
* When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
One morning Bobby’s mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation.
Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, “Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
It’s really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can’t think. You’ve got an eye, but you can’t see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn’t know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, “Has anybody got the cock?” All the men stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?” All the women folk stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?” All the nuns stood up.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It’s perfectly alright to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won’t get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds — do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won’t feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won’t lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women generally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won’t keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).
16. Being “in the mood” to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have sex with him because they all told him that his penis was too long.
“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “Is there any way you can shorten it?”
The doctor replied, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But I do know a witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gave him directions to the witch’s place.
The man went to see the witch the next day, and told her his sad story.
“Witch, my penis is 20 inches long, and I can’t get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?”
The witch asked him to pull it out so she could have a look at it. The man uncoiled his 20-inch penis. The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied, “I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. You must ask the frog, ‘will you marry me?’ Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be 4 inches shorter.”
The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and, sure enough, there sat the frog on a log. He uncoiled his huge python-like penis and called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”
The frog looked at him with some disdain, and replied, “NO.”
The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 4 inches shorter!
“WOW!” he screamed out loud. Then he said to himself, “This is great! But it’s still too long at 16 inches, so I’ll ask the frog to marry me again.”
Once more he shouted to the frog, “Frog, will you marry me?”
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!”
The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 4 inches shorter! The man laughed, and shouted, “This is fantastic!”
He looked down at his penis once more, and by now it was only 12 inches long, so he reflected for a moment. “Twelve inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal,” he thought. “So, I’ll ask the frog to marry me ONE more time.”
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog, will you marry me?”
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head in frustration and said, “NO! NO! . . . and for the last time, NO!”
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Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6996), Sex (+4815)
“Who Needs Food?”
It’s breakfast time. Sadie asks her husband Moishe, “Would you like some scrambled eggs, perhaps a piece of toast and grapefruit and coffee to follow?”
Moishe replies, “No thanks, it’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, Sadie asks Moishe if he would like something to eat. “How about a bowl of your favourite home made vegetable soup, followed by a cheese and tomato sandwich on rye?” she inquires.
Moishe again declines. “It’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
Come dinnertime, Sadie asks Moishe if he wants anything to eat. She’ll go to the delicatessen and buy him some food. Would he like a nice juicy lamb chop with a tasty stir-fry followed by apple pie and cream?
Again, Moishe says, “No thanks, it’s this Viagra, it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well,” Sadie says, “Would you mind getting off me and letting me up? I’m starving.”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she also had castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given a vicar a hair lip — and there were still 5 shaves left!
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their
wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new
groom, “Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.” The startled groom says “How can
that be? You’ve been married twice… “
The bride responds… “Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a
psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath,
she says “My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do
was… Oh God, I miss him!”
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Read all jokes from: Sex (+4815)
A truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give
him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted
on his dash and asks him what it’s for. He replies “Oh that’s a
conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots
of pussy that way” The other driver thinks that’s a great idea so he
paints a red spot on his dash too. Then he sees a girl hitchhiking so
he picks her up. She notices the red spot on the dash and asks him
what it’s for. He says “It’s a conversation piece. You wanna fuck?”
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