Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
Q: How is a woman like a road?
A little guy, Stephen, without a great deal of sense was telling his friend that he couldn’t get a girl.
His friend, Mike asked, “Man, aren’t you rich? Don’t you have all kinds of money?”
Stephen said, “Yeah, I got th’ money. I just can’t get none.”
Mike said, “Well, all you need to do is buy a boat. Women LOVE boats! You buy a boat, ask a girl if she wants a boat ride, take her twenty miles out, cut off the engine, and tell her to put out or swim. Then you come back and tell me how it went.”
Stephen said, “Well, that seems like a good idea t’ me!”
He went out the next day and bought a big boat, put it in the harbor, and waited. Finally a girl came by and looked at his boat.
He said, “Y-y-you wanna go fer a boat wide wi’ me?”
She thought he was kind of dumb, but she LOVED boats. She went.
He drove her twenty miles out, pulled out the key and said, “Y-y-you g-g-got to p-p-put out, or y-y-you g-g-ot to swim.”
She figured, “What the hell?” She dropped her little swimsuit and let him have some.
He was so happy that he tried it again the next day. He sat by his boat; a girl walked by and looked at the boat.
He asked, “Y-you w-wanna go fer a boat wide wi’ me?”
She LOVED boats, and she decided to go.
He took her twenty miles out, took out the key, and said, “Y-you gotta p-put out or swim!”
She didn’t care. She took off her swimsuit and let him have some.
The next day he was cocky! A little gal came by in a swimsuit that was made of less cotton than there is in the top of an aspirin bottle.
He saw her look at the boat and said, “Hey, Bitch! Wanna go fer a boat wide w’ me? Don’t make no damn difference t’ me!”
She jumped into the boat and he took her twenty miles out, jerked out the key, and said, “Put out or swim!”
She dropped her little swimsuit and damn the STINK! The smell was so bad he had to cover his head.
He said, “Whew! Never mind! Put that swimsuit back on and don’t get none of that on me!”
She reached into her pocketbook and took out a pistol, aimed it at his head, and said, “Eat it or swim.”
When Stephen was telling Mike about it, the goofy guy’s friend said, “Oh, my God! What did you do?”
Stephen answered, “You didn’t hear about no guy drownin’ out there, did you?”
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman.
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very
“BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final
The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it
Even KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new, year 2000 compliant, product: “Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!”
* She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
* As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.
* Even mosquitoes stay away from her.
* She startles the animals at the zoo.
* On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
* She makes onions cry.
* Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.
* Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
* The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.
* When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
One morning Bobby’s mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.
It’s really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can’t think. You’ve got an eye, but you can’t see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!
A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn’t know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, “Has anybody got the cock?” All the men stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?” All the women folk stood up.
“No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?” All the nuns stood up.