A man, named Gerry, asked his doctor if there was a test to see to help him determine if he was gay.
The doctor said, “Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants.”
Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to say 55. The man said “55.”
The doctor then grabbed the man’s penis and told him to say 55. Gerry said “55″.
The doctor then told the man to turn around, and putting a finger in the man’s anus he once again told him to say 55.
Gerry said, “1…2…3…”
A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest
“Will I really sink if you take your finger out?”
It’s really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can’t think. You’ve got an eye, but you can’t see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!
Father Joseph went up to Father Fred one afternoon and said, “I am SICK of all this clean living. Tonight let’s you and me go out and party. We’ll carouse, drink, whatever we want.”
Fred was shocked. “Are you crazy? This is a small town and everyone knows us. Besides, even if they didn’t, they would see our clothes and know we were priests.”
Joe was ready for this. “Don’t be silly. We won’t stay in town, we’ll go into the city where nobody knows us, and we’ll dress just like anyone else.”
In the end, he managed to persuade Fred, and they went out that night and partied like professionals. When they got back home at 5:00 AM, Fred’s face became pale. “I just thought of something,” he said. “We have to confess this.”
Again, Joe was ready. “Relax, I told you, I thought this all out in advance. Tomorrow, you go into church and into the confessional. I will come in my regular clothes and confess, and you absolve me. Then I go put on my garments, you come in and confess, and I’ll absolve you.”
Fred was amazed at Joe’s brilliance. And so, Joseph went in later that morning and said, “Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My friend and I, we’re both young men, and last night we went out and caroused. We became drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes, used foul language, danced to wicked music.”
Fred answered, “God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I be. Do 5 ‘Our Father’s’ and 5 ‘Hail Mary’s’ and you will be absolved of your sin.”
A while later, their places were reversed as Fred came in and confessed everything in detail. There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, “I don’t believe this. And you DARE to call yourself a priest? You will do 500 “Our Father’s,” 500 “Hail Mary’s,” donate all your money for the next month to the church, and go around the church 500 times on your knees praying for God’s forgiveness. Then come back and we’ll discuss absolution, but I make no guarantees.”
“WHAT?!” Father Fred was shocked. “What about our agreement??”
Joe replied, “Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I take my job seriously.”
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?”
“Hell no!” the guy said.
The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?”
The man said, “Of course not.”
“Wanna go camping?”