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The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.

“Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the reverend said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?”

“Sure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had to much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, “Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar!”

The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz.”

The bartender nodded, “Hell then, if you’re that far in, you might as well finish up.”

The clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfume.
“This is called ‘Perhaps’,” said the sales clerk. “It’s $285 per
ounce.”

“Listen,” the man shot back, “for $285 an ounce, I don’t want
something called ‘Perhaps’; I want something called…

“You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some !!”

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and
says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time
he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla: “How do you spell ‘dumb’?”

Darla says, “d-u-m-b, dumb.”

The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”

She says, “Buckwheat is dumb.”

The teacher says, “Now spell ‘stupid’.”

Darla says, “s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.”

The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”

Darla says, “Buckwheat is stupid.”

When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, “Buckwheat, spell dictate.”

Buckwheat stands and says, “d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.”

The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”

Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out, “I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!”

Q: What’s the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader



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