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A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I’ll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy.
he added, “but confidentially, I changed cocks.”

The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially, me

Q: What’s a man’s idea of foreplay?
A: A half-hour of begging.

“Doctor, I need your help,” the woman says.
“What seems to be the problem?”
“My husband just doesn’t satisfy me sexually. What can I do?”
“Hmmm. That’s a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?”
“Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn’t enough for me. You’ve
got to help me!”
“Er… Why don’t you take a lover?”
“I have! I still don’t get enough.”
“Take another lover.”
“I did. In fact, I have eight lovers – and I still don’t get enough sex!”
“Gosh, that’s an anomaly.”
“Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it’s an anomaly! They all keep telling me
I’m a whore!”

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

“Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”

“That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest.

“It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk – you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.

“Thanks, Father,” said the old man. “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?”

“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”

A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in front of him. He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her down. He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.

She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, “I think I’m blind, I think I’m blind…”

Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, “How many fingers do I have up?”

“Oh my God,” she says. “I’m not paralyzed too, am I?!?”

© 2015