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Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.

“I entertained a cowboy last night,” says the first.

“How did you know he was a cowboy?” asks the second.

“Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together.”

“Sounds like a cowboy, all right,” the others say.

“I entertained a lawyer,” announces the second. “I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time.”

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

“I had a dirt farmer for a client,” comments the third.

“How could you possibly know he was a dirt farmer?” she is asked.

“First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the fall.”

The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to
the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.

When she had finished, the husband’s lawyer rose to his feet and
coolly replied, “Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing
of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed
‘bored’.”

A gay man is in a bar, on all fours, trying to pick up some money he dropped.

A big bouncer says, “Hey, you! Move it or I’ll give you a foot up the ass!”

The gay man looks around and says, “I think you’re bragging, but I’m game if you are.”

Penis breath, a lover’s dread,
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be,
Be grateful that he doesn’t pee.

It’s times like this, you wonder why,
You bothered reaching for his fly.
But it’s too late, can’t be a tease,
Accept the facts, get on your knees.

You know you’ve got a job to do,
So open wide and shove it through,
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don’t drag your teeth or he might bawl.

Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run,
Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb,
So when the hell’s he gonna cum?

Just, when you can’t take anymore,
You hear your lover’s mighty roar.
And when he hits that real high note,
You feel it oozing down your throat.

Salty, fishy, sticky stuff,
Okay already, that’s enough.
Let’s switch you say, before you gag,
And what revenge, you’re on the rag!

The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um…
little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor
and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for
her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says,
“listen, I don’t do this for everyone, but since your husband’s
on his way out… Get this prescription, and put three drops in his
milk before he goes to bed.” The wife is very happy and thanks the
doc profusely.

Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.
The lady blushes, smiles and says, “well I put thirty drops in his
milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close
the coffin.”



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